The Ninja Did It!

     We have an intruder in our home. A terrible menace that only George has seen thus far. It's a Ninja. A Ninja we have been informed we will never ever catch, because he lives in a house in the woods. An INVISIBLE house, at that.

     The Ninja has been responsible for quite a bit of trouble around the old homestead. George has informed us that the bad Ninja probably didn't get anything for Christmas. George has been informed that, if I ever catch that Ninja, terrible things will happen. To which he responded "Oh crap."

     Aside from the Ninja that seems to delight in causing trouble in my household, Christmas went off without a hitch. I left work early on Christmas Eve, and was able to get the kids to our Traditional Christmas Eve Evening Mass. I love how the church looks, all decorated for Christmas. So calm and pretty and peaceful. But, I had George. Who is NOT the Ninja, but who has evidently been taking notes from him, and who was an absolute terror in church. No calm peaceful Christmas Eve Mass for me. I figure I have about 4-5 more years before that will happen.
     Mass was followed by our Christmas Dinner. Several years ago, the tradition of Christmas Dinner after Christmas Eve church began. Then, on Christmas Day, we just  pick at leftovers. It's the best idea ever. There is no way my kids are going to sit around the dinning room table on Christmas Day, and eat anything after snacking on candy canes all day. And, I don't have to cook on Christmas.
    
      Christmas was a day that most of us spent in our PJ's. Except for George, who wore his Military Fatigues all day. Which, I am sure made perfect sense to him. And, while  he did not get "Everything", he did receive 3 new Monster Trucks to add to his collection, and spent the entire day carting them lovingly around. So, I guess he was happy with his haul.

     Joe made it all the way to Christmas without starving to death, and spent the day eating bagels and candy, and playing with his helicopter that really flies. And hurts like crazy when it flies into your face. In case you were wondering....

     Today, I stumbled into work, deciding that the whole "Lie around in comfy clothes dozing and reading for an entire day" thing is seriously exhausting. My whole body hates me today. My body and me seem to be not getting along for the last week. I had been getting up and going to the school gym every morning before work. But then, the school had to go and close for the week. It will not open again until next Thursday. And, I haven't been feeling 100%, so, it was a good enough reason to sleep in for that extra hour for the last week. It has taken precisely 5 days, to get back to where I was before I started working out. So now I have to start all over again. And my body is having none of it. I'm all;

"Hey body, if you could just stop hurting and being sore and stuff, I would really appreciate it..."

and my body is all like "Hey, we don't really like you. We have decided we hate you, actually, and that we are officially on strike. Also, we have decided to make your arthritis worse, sooooo, yeah. Tough luck, lady."

"Come on. This is really not fair. I gave you a WHOLE day off and everything! Do you WANT me to put in the abs DVD guaranteed to kill you??"

"HA! You even think about it, and we will make you throw up."

"Fine. I will just withhold all chocolate indefinitely."

"Doesn't matter. We are going to take that awesome complexion you have had lately, you know, that little 'post workout glow' that you've had? And give  you the complexion of a teen aged zombie, mixed with the pallor of a vampire, and throw in a blemish or two for fun. And your hair?! HAHAHA!!!!!"

"I really really hate you. Like, seriously, I hate you."

"Don't care. Keep it up, and we'll throw in a migraine for fun."

So, you see, things aren't going well in the whole body department. And, Bearded man forgot about the whole gym thing, and gave me 4 huge symphony bars, a box of cherry cordials, and a carton of Whoppers for Christmas. I tried soooo hard not to whimper, as I thought about the reaction my "Lose It" app would have if I tried to plug any of that into it. He redeemed himself with the new Janet Evanovich book. And I was also presented with a GPS, so now I will have a speedometer that doesn't look like I am texting every time I look down at it.
The other night, as I was driving Joe to his Cub Scout Christmas party, I was putting my phone/speedometer into the usual cup holder, when I was pulled over. The nice young officer informed me I had been texting, and I nicely pointed out my speedometer showing 70mph at a standstill,and explained I HAD NOT been texting, just setting my speedometer in the drink holder. And he nicely said I could still be ticketed for having a hand held device in my hand while driving, and I sweetly pointed out that I was only TRYING to be all law abiding and compliant, by going the correct speed, and trying NOT to get pulled over, and he was all, okay I won't write you a ticket, and I will even be nice and turn the spotlight on the cruiser off so it stops hurting  your eyes, and I was all like, Oh you are such a sweetheart! Thank you so much!And then the nice young man called me ma'am, and ruined the whole 'I am not old enough to be his mother illusion.' and I was on my merry way again.
 And now I have a GPS that I can mount on my windshield and know how fast I am going, so I don't get pulled over anymore. These are the fixes that happen when you are married to a mechanic. Also, I won't get lost when trying to get to job number 2 anymore. So that is a plus, as well.

Break time is over, so I need to wrap this up. I also need to conserve energy for the Ninja problem at home. I may enlist the help of George, to see if we can figure out a way to defeat the Ninja. He seems as dismayed as I am, at the trouble the Ninja is causing. Which seems to be on the rise lately....