Monday, February 6, 2017

Joe Ponders Tying Mom Up For Her Own Good

     When last we left our writer, she was recovering from whatever miserable bug is going around everywhere.


     Recovery still hasn't happened, and we are all in  various stages of whatever. I don't know anyone who isn't currently excited for the promise of Spring and decent weather, and the ability to open doors and windows and toss our kids outside so we can disinfect our homes.


     It even hit my poor Little Sister. She text me the other day that she was going to come over for a visit. She walked thru the front door and immediately became sick.
     We poured ginger ale into her, and sent her back home after she had collected herself. When I spoke to my 10 year old niece Amelia later, I found that Amelia had things under control. She had tucked her mother in with a bucket and an electric heated blanket and made her soup.


     When I spoke to my sister yesterday, she was still sick, and, on top of it, the hamster was MIA again.
     Apparently, my nephew Phoenix had asked for a snake for Christmas. The snake didn't last long before slithering into whatever world snakes go to when they die. Phoenix was heartbroken, so, the property manager of my sister's townhouse supplied a hamster. It had a fun little note attached to it, cautioning care, as the hamster escaped a lot. My nephew promptly decided the girl hamster was supposed to be a boy, and gave it a boy name. Whatever the gender of the hamster, it should have been named Houdini, because it can escape every single thing they have tried to put it in. It escapes and then manages to get into the walls of their house.
     It also apparently creeps the entire family out, and now they don't know what to do with the hamster, who spends a lot of time escaping out of it's confines, and into the walls.
     At some point recently, Phoenix got mad at his sister, and announced he was moving out. He took his hamster and went to his dad's house.
     After several strongly worded texts from Phoenix's Dad, regarding his thoughts on Hamster Houdini, who was happily encamped in HIS walls, my sister returned home from work one day to find the hamster sitting in a cage on her kitchen table, with a threat that he would unleash four more hamsters on her, if that thing ever came to his house again.
     Anyhow. The cage it came back in was no match for Houdini, because, it's in her walls again. And she is entirely too sick to deal with this insane creature from hell. I told her maybe it would chew it's way into the townhouse that connects with hers, but, she is rarely that lucky.
     As of this morning, I haven't heard yet if the hamster wandered back or not.


     Yesterday produced another installment of the Sunday School Saga. Every Class seems to produce that one kid who must challenge every single thing I have to teach them. I am not even kidding, when I say I come home from Sunday School every week, and cross off another date on the Sunday School Schedule, counting the days until we are done for the year again. (We have 7 left to go, by the way...)
I almost didn't go yesterday. I almost begged Bearded Man to cover my class. But, I didn't. Because, I knew I also needed to go grocery shopping, and, if I sent Bearded Man in to cover for me with the "Moriah is sick" excuse, then, I absolutely would have run into the Head of Sunday School while out shopping. So, I went.
     And I argued with that student over every single point I needed to teach. I couldn't answer any questions, because my brains did not want to work. I do remember snapping "For the sake of argument, we are just going to focus on our religion, and not worry about what the Greeks think, okay?????"
     Since the student in question also happens to be MY kid, it made it doubly hard to focus on class, as she questioned everything.
    I have to flashback to her traumatic First Communion - if you recall, the one where she was taken forcibly from the house while a sitter was there, while some woman screamed at her that she was LATE for a class we didn't know about, and RUINING EVERYTHING!!!!! And forced her into a car while my sitter freaked out over an apparent kidnapping - the First Communion that climaxed with the Alter accidently getting set on fire, and I overheard her mumble "I will NEVER force my kids to do this EVER!" as we watched a parishioner stomp the fire out. I wonder sometimes, if that entire experience soured her on church for eternity then. Ah well. You never know. Maybe someday she'll be a Nun, for all I know. It isn't looking hopeful right now though.


     Next year I get to have Lexi AND Joe in my class. Won't that be fun?


     Speaking of Joe. None will ever top that child and his running commentary. He did recently inform me that there is a "Mom Poll" at school, and, things aren't looking good for the local 6th grade Moms. It was very Calvin and Hobbs, and, I imagine probably generated from a comic book discussion. Things are bleak for the Moms in his class, it would seem.
     He has also recently argued with the poor woman who drives my kids to school every day. Evidently there was a discussion on weather, and Joe pointed out in his clipped  and somehow (nobody knows how) voice that has a faintly middle eastern accent, that it was scientifically possible to manipulate weather. Wendy told Joe it was NOT, but, he insisted it WAS. And inside, Wendy couldn't help but wonder if it was. I am hesitant to look it up, truthfully.


  Conversations like this are so usual, that we don't think twice about them anymore. When I left for work this morning, he was trying to figure out how to get Mom to stay home from work to get better, and then figure out how to keep mom from spending that time cleaning the house. Tying Mom down wouldn't work, because, what if there was an emergency and she needed to get up? I can't wait to go home tonight and see if he every figured it out without myself needing to be tied up. It wouldn't matter. If I spent the day at  home, it would be spent getting up every two minutes to let the dogs in and out, and the rest of the time listening to Buster the dog bark at things real and imagined all day. It was easier to come to work, truthfully.


     Hopefully we're all feeling better next time around!


    


 

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