Joe Intervenes

     Update of the Barbie situation at my house: Amputee Barbie is missing. We are unsure if foul play is suspected at this time. It should be noted, however, that things were certainly calmer before Ken came into the picture.


     Since I am still fighting my battle with stopping my Facebook addiction, I find myself looking at Pinterest when I have a moment. Somehow, after saving something on manners to show my children, Pinterest generated an entire internet worth of Etiquette pins for me. Specifically: how to be a lady.  I am not certain yet if I am horrified or amused by this. Either way, I cannot stop looking for these pins, just to read them. I realize now, that I have fallen short in so many ways. I never knew I did not know how to gracefully take off my coat. Or how to properly sit. Or stand. Or close a door. Or glide down stairs. Everyone knows I certainly do not have a quiet but firm well modulated voice. I tried. But, then the boys wouldn't settle down at bed time, and before I knew it, I was hollering threats up the stairs of consequences I was entirely too tired to carry out, and hoping that the bedtime shenanigans stop before open door and window season is upon us, for all the neighborhood to listen. It should be noted here, that George has perfected the "fake cry" and is able to produce it within seconds of whatever travesty he perceives to have befallen him. It is the most heart rending soul tearing weeping I have ever heard, and it took awhile before I was on to him, and therefore immune. So, now he has added the ever popular favorite of young children everywhere "Everybody hates me! Nobody loves me! Nobody ever has!" and all variations of such to his repertoire.
      
     Yesterday, I received a phone call from the Elementary School Principal. The day before, during lunch period, the table full of boys that Joe sits with had evidently gotten into a large argument, and insults were slung of a variety I had never heard before. Inventive kids we have here in town. Anyhow, Joe had intervened and tried to diffuse the situation.
     The conversation I had with him regarding it later was one of a kind, as he had assigned the entire thing his personal scale of severity. "1" Being the War of 1812, "2" being the Civil War, "3" being WWI "4" being WWII, and "5" Being WWIII. The altercation had reached a 4.9 before Joe decided to step in. Mostly because one of the boys involved has a temper and was reaching "Incredible Hulk" stage, and was preparing to transform. With his very articulate language, Joe objectively, and with verbal bullet points, was able to describe the entire situation, concluding with the observation that he would probably make a good attorney, and that he was able to diffuse things somewhat, until adults stepped in..
      The phone call from the principal, was to alert me that all the boys at the table had been spoken to about the behavior displayed the previous day. Joe had been included in the group spoken to, because it certainly was a learning moment, and the lecture was good for everyone involved to hear. The principal also informed me with a laugh that she had completely enjoyed her conversation with Joe. She told me he was very articulate, and that she especially enjoyed his rating scale in particular. The other boys were given lunch time detention, and had to eat lunch in the Elementary school office, under supervision. Joe was able to eat lunch in the cafeteria. Joe pointed out later though, that, since his entire table was eating in the office, he had to sit at a large table all alone, so, it sort of defeated the purpose. "But, I am sure they meant well, Mom. Also, I had a very peaceful lunch for once."
     Honest to goodness, I have never had a dull conversation with that boy. I never know if we will be debating Super Heroes or discussing the possibility of creating "lava proof suits"


     Update: since these blogs are written in bits and pieces, I have further learned that I also did not know the correct way to carry all sorts of purses and handbags elegantly, properly and lady like. Thankfully I have been doing it properly for the most part, so, I don't think I am a complete loss.


     This morning, Bearded Man had to leave early for work. Normally he wakes the kids up for school while I am in the shower. I hopped the shower early, so I could haul the kids out of bed. Today, of all days, while the routine was already thrown off, George decided he wanted a homemade lunch for school. For years, we have only ever done home made lunches, but, the last 2 school years, our entire school has had no cost school lunches, and honest to goodness, it's just easier that way, so, we haven't done home made lunches.
     This morning, George decides he really really needed a home made lunch minutes before I head out the door. It was an elaborate lunch that included a ham mini-sub with shredded lettuce, ham, mayo, swiss cheese, and had to be wrapped up "just so". His lunch also included side dishes, needed a cooler pack, the lunch bag had to be dug out of wherever it was, and everything had to be perfect. lunch finished, I was trying to get myself out the door and on the road, as, with the insane weather lately, one never knows what the road conditions are anymore. I always have my 2 hard boiled eggs, and my 2 pieces of whole wheat toast for breakfast, which travels very well, so I can eat it on the go. Most mornings, George wants toast, too. So, popping the 4 slices of toast in the toaster, I searched for socks and my sneakers and threw my bag near the front door to grab on the way out, and was rushing around trying to get out the door. "GEORGE! HERE'S YOUR TOAST!" I called, as I tossed it on the table for him. Wandering slowly in, he inspected it while I dodged the dogs and grabbed my lunch and my eggs; "Mom." he sighed in disappointment, picking a piece up and viewing it critically, "These are not cut symmetrical."


     That, in a nut shell, describes my household.