The Worse You Look, The More People You Run Into

     This will be written while under active recovery, or possibly residuals of - possibly the flu. Or whatever it was.
     I am not sure how many recent patients have recently come into my office for unrelated matters, looked at me and said "By the way, I am pretty sure I have the flu. I will probably die soon." in whatever variation. It appears that, no matter how many times I scrubbed my office or my hands, it somehow hit me anyhow. So, here we are.


     Yesterday was the worst. We had to go teach Sunday School first thing in the morning. Loading the kids into the van, Bearded Man navigated cruddy snow covered roads while I clutched my tea and fought the nausea.
     I have 2 curriculums I have to use for Sunday School. We all particularly  hate the "Growing in Love" series, and collectively dread those days. Yesterday, I stared at the book in silence, willing myself to start reading it out loud, and just could not make myself. Sipping tea, I looked at the words on the page long enough, that one of the kids finally said, "You want me to read it out loud for you?"
     "No. .......... No. I can do this." I sighed. And proceeded to read it out loud at the pace usually reserved for the endings of new car and credit card commercials. With a few "God, I HATE this curriculum" thrown in.


     "Wow, Mom." Piped up Kaila "It's not even noon on Sunday yet, and you've already found the weekly reason you're going to hell."
    
     Finishing up, I told them to please just cut out hearts to decorate the classroom board, and wondered not for the first time, why on earth no one had fired me from this job yet.


     Speaking of jobs.... Friday I called in sick to work. I always feel the absolute worst guilt possible when I have to call in. It's almost worst than whatever I am sick with. Anyhow, at some point in the day, my phone rang, and, I answered it in a daze, to find that a nursing company I had put an application into years ago was on the phone. I still get emails from them regarding local employment possibilities, and never "unsubscribed" to them, because, you just never know when a second job might come in handy.
     A very nice lady asked if I was still interested, and I, of course, in my delirium enthusiastically told her "Absolutely!" and she then let me know that they had LOTS of per diem weekend nursing jobs in my area, and how about an official interview? At which point, I finally pulled into a sitting position on the couch and agreed whole heartedly. In retrospect, I have no idea why she continued the conversation, as, I don't think I was entirely professional. But, I have a vague recollection of agreeing to work weekends per diem for this nursing company, working with vent patients I think.  I have no idea what possessed me to agree to this. But then, I thought about both of my daughters' orthodontist appointment - scheduled for later today, as a matter of fact - and figured that, by the time the orthodontist was done with me, I would be needing the second job anyway.


     Being sick, I ended up lying on the couch feeling even more self guilt, after spending an entire day on Facebook. I started following it again on Inauguration Day, and, with a sort of fascinated horror, haven't been able to stop. So, Facebooking we went. Because of all the unfollowing I have done, (Sorry! I love you all, but, I just *can't* deal with the negativity!) my Facebook consists mostly of recipes anymore. So, Saturday, when I dragged myself out of the house to go grocery shopping, I bought all sorts of ingredients for new stuff to try. I trialed a brownie recipe on my kids, that I am thinking about bringing into work for "Super Bowl Party Day" and I trialed Turkey meatballs with feta cheese and spinach in them, with a Greek yogurt and cucumber sauce to go with them. (It has a name. I am not in any condition to Google the proper spelling of it. It starts with "T" and has some "z"s in it.) The kids, I think, will be pretty happy when I am back to ignoring Facebook and it's recipes. By the way - I thought the one  turkey meatball and "T" sauce that I was able to try, were wonderful.
     It should also be noted, that, since I was feeling completely awful, I LOOKED like a train wreck, and, of course, while out grocery shopping, ran into pretty much every single person I know. It was like a great big reunion at Wal Mart and Aldi's last Saturday. Observing my reflection while putting away bathroom items I had just bought, I closed my eyes and wondered why I never run into people when my hair looks decent, and I have makeup on.


     Last night, I did finally rise from the couch, and run to a local store in town, because I had forgotten hand soap, and, we needed batteries for the thermostat that was flashing red, before they finally died and my furnace shut off in below freezing temperatures. I felt pretty guilty about subjecting my kids to turkey meatballs and completely ignoring them for three days from the confines of the couch, so, I bought them candy. I think I am forgiven.
     I don't think they really cared though. They somehow procured 2 rackets and a ping pong ball, that they are pretty sure was a present at some point from my mother, and spend the entire weekend in the dining room whacking ping pong balls back and forth. Balls were zinging all over the place. Sometimes, if they didn't have a partner, they would just bang them off the walls. I probably should have made them stop, but, honest to God, I just didn't care.


     So. Here we are. A quick catch up, before I pull my daughters out of school for orthodontist consultations. By the way; it's pajama day in school for Winter Ball Week, and, I will be taking my teen and almost teen, to the Dentist in their PJs, while I continue to look as if I am going to die. I imagine this will be a fabulous first impression.


     Stay Healthy!

Joe Intervenes

     Update of the Barbie situation at my house: Amputee Barbie is missing. We are unsure if foul play is suspected at this time. It should be noted, however, that things were certainly calmer before Ken came into the picture.


     Since I am still fighting my battle with stopping my Facebook addiction, I find myself looking at Pinterest when I have a moment. Somehow, after saving something on manners to show my children, Pinterest generated an entire internet worth of Etiquette pins for me. Specifically: how to be a lady.  I am not certain yet if I am horrified or amused by this. Either way, I cannot stop looking for these pins, just to read them. I realize now, that I have fallen short in so many ways. I never knew I did not know how to gracefully take off my coat. Or how to properly sit. Or stand. Or close a door. Or glide down stairs. Everyone knows I certainly do not have a quiet but firm well modulated voice. I tried. But, then the boys wouldn't settle down at bed time, and before I knew it, I was hollering threats up the stairs of consequences I was entirely too tired to carry out, and hoping that the bedtime shenanigans stop before open door and window season is upon us, for all the neighborhood to listen. It should be noted here, that George has perfected the "fake cry" and is able to produce it within seconds of whatever travesty he perceives to have befallen him. It is the most heart rending soul tearing weeping I have ever heard, and it took awhile before I was on to him, and therefore immune. So, now he has added the ever popular favorite of young children everywhere "Everybody hates me! Nobody loves me! Nobody ever has!" and all variations of such to his repertoire.
      
     Yesterday, I received a phone call from the Elementary School Principal. The day before, during lunch period, the table full of boys that Joe sits with had evidently gotten into a large argument, and insults were slung of a variety I had never heard before. Inventive kids we have here in town. Anyhow, Joe had intervened and tried to diffuse the situation.
     The conversation I had with him regarding it later was one of a kind, as he had assigned the entire thing his personal scale of severity. "1" Being the War of 1812, "2" being the Civil War, "3" being WWI "4" being WWII, and "5" Being WWIII. The altercation had reached a 4.9 before Joe decided to step in. Mostly because one of the boys involved has a temper and was reaching "Incredible Hulk" stage, and was preparing to transform. With his very articulate language, Joe objectively, and with verbal bullet points, was able to describe the entire situation, concluding with the observation that he would probably make a good attorney, and that he was able to diffuse things somewhat, until adults stepped in..
      The phone call from the principal, was to alert me that all the boys at the table had been spoken to about the behavior displayed the previous day. Joe had been included in the group spoken to, because it certainly was a learning moment, and the lecture was good for everyone involved to hear. The principal also informed me with a laugh that she had completely enjoyed her conversation with Joe. She told me he was very articulate, and that she especially enjoyed his rating scale in particular. The other boys were given lunch time detention, and had to eat lunch in the Elementary school office, under supervision. Joe was able to eat lunch in the cafeteria. Joe pointed out later though, that, since his entire table was eating in the office, he had to sit at a large table all alone, so, it sort of defeated the purpose. "But, I am sure they meant well, Mom. Also, I had a very peaceful lunch for once."
     Honest to goodness, I have never had a dull conversation with that boy. I never know if we will be debating Super Heroes or discussing the possibility of creating "lava proof suits"


     Update: since these blogs are written in bits and pieces, I have further learned that I also did not know the correct way to carry all sorts of purses and handbags elegantly, properly and lady like. Thankfully I have been doing it properly for the most part, so, I don't think I am a complete loss.


     This morning, Bearded Man had to leave early for work. Normally he wakes the kids up for school while I am in the shower. I hopped the shower early, so I could haul the kids out of bed. Today, of all days, while the routine was already thrown off, George decided he wanted a homemade lunch for school. For years, we have only ever done home made lunches, but, the last 2 school years, our entire school has had no cost school lunches, and honest to goodness, it's just easier that way, so, we haven't done home made lunches.
     This morning, George decides he really really needed a home made lunch minutes before I head out the door. It was an elaborate lunch that included a ham mini-sub with shredded lettuce, ham, mayo, swiss cheese, and had to be wrapped up "just so". His lunch also included side dishes, needed a cooler pack, the lunch bag had to be dug out of wherever it was, and everything had to be perfect. lunch finished, I was trying to get myself out the door and on the road, as, with the insane weather lately, one never knows what the road conditions are anymore. I always have my 2 hard boiled eggs, and my 2 pieces of whole wheat toast for breakfast, which travels very well, so I can eat it on the go. Most mornings, George wants toast, too. So, popping the 4 slices of toast in the toaster, I searched for socks and my sneakers and threw my bag near the front door to grab on the way out, and was rushing around trying to get out the door. "GEORGE! HERE'S YOUR TOAST!" I called, as I tossed it on the table for him. Wandering slowly in, he inspected it while I dodged the dogs and grabbed my lunch and my eggs; "Mom." he sighed in disappointment, picking a piece up and viewing it critically, "These are not cut symmetrical."


     That, in a nut shell, describes my household.


    


    
    

The Barbies are in Counseling

     It's been about one week, since I decided to try and disconnect from Facebook. I think I'm getting there. I get on it every so often, scroll for about one minute and then get aggravated at something I read, and get right off it again.

     It's almost like a habit: A few minutes of down time, and I always reach for my phone. So, what's a girl who is trying to get away from negativity and the time sucking habit of Facebook to do? Well. My Pintrest has been revived somewhat. The Humor page full of crazy people that post things on Tumblr are probably some of the most amusing and under rated beings on the internet.
     Also, my "Fitness Things I Will Probably Never Do" board looks fabulous. If I ever have the energy or the time, I am sure I will look great in no time.
     My "Food Stuff" board is also looking terrific. It is a marvelous mix of healthy recipes, as well as recipes that would make any good Cardiologist, Dentist or Dietician weep for humanity.
     Pinterest has also reignited my need for a green house. And possibly a hot tub.


     Also, to try and combat my Facebook addiction, I went to the library and took out a pile of books. This past weekend, I got in lots of reading time. However, apparently books are to my husky, Turbo, what chocolate and Captain Morgan are to me. There is nothing so tempting or delicious to my dog, as a good library book. Those books weren't in the house for ten minutes, before Turbo was licking them longingly and trying to nip them out of my hands. It only cost me approximately one hundred dollars in library fees to pay for books Turbo had eaten, to figure out they are apparently a delicacy to my dog. So, we keep them up high for both the safety of the books and my bank account.


     Speaking of delicacies, we have a Tea House in Olean now! One of my patients dropped off a menu for me the other day, and mentioned 90 different kinds of tea. So, this past weekend, my girls and I (My girls are also avid tea drinkers.) decided to go check it out. The menu boasted "Farm to table" ingredients and, of course, High Tea every day. Honest to goodness, this place is right down the street from where I work!!!!!!!  I couldn't be more excited. And, if the crowd was any indication, there are a lot of local people just as thrilled as I am about it!


    
     While on the subject of tea, I am thinking about the upcoming Birthdays. For Lexi's 13th Birthday next month, she has decided upon an indoor garden tea party. George, for his 7th birthday next week, wanted a Lego cake, to receive legos and a snow board (Lord help me. As if that child isn't already the poster child for all things dangerous.) and, go see the new Monster Truck movie.
     Time is, as always, at a premium. I used to go all out and make all sorts of fabulous cakes. These cakes would take hours and hours of work, destroy my kitchen, and I was always overly critical of the results anyhow. So, I decided to order both kids' cakes this year from a local cake baker. This lady's cakes are absolutely amazing. It occurs to me, though, that ALL I have done for either birthday to date, is order birthday cakes. If I am going to pull off an indoor garden tea party in exactly one month, complete with candy table, twinkle lights, gauze, tea, tea sandwiches and create an indoor garden, I should probably put more effort forth than I have thus far.


     The weather is the cause of several current issues in our household. Cabin fever is absolutely a "thing". My husky is miserable, because I haven't been able to walk him lately. My kids are getting on each other's nerves. They can only play with Legos and board games so much. George puts music on and dances for an hour most evenings before bed. Last night, the girls came downstairs about half an hour after I had shipped them upstairs to bed. They were dressed in dark clothing, and Kaila had her hair in a bun. Apparently, they had decided to have a "Dramatic Poetry Reading" Hipster style, complete with snapping fingers as applause.  We have also watched the Les Mis 10th anniversary special in it's 2.5 hour entirety, and several movies new to Netflix. Also, my parenting has been called into question by the children again. Apparently, telling George to "go lie down; we don't feed dogs at the table!" is NOT an appropriate response when George decides he's a dog during dinner time. He did obediently curl up in what Kaila calls the "Contemplating Life"  position (fetal position) like a good dog, so, he's already better behaved as a dog than the real dogs are.


     During this time of house confinement and dark evenings, Lexi's Barbies are having issues. She has 3 Barbies, and, per her request, received a Ken doll for Christmas. She was undecided as to which Barbie would be able to date the Ken doll. I recommended "Amputee Barbie", (if you recall, she had a Barbie who lost a leg a few years ago. I thoughtlessly called it Amputee Barbie after the inevitable tears started when the leg fell off, and told her Barbie could live a full and complete life. So, the name stuck.) We also suggested "Dating Game style" where Ken would ask questions of the three Barbies hidden behind a wall. Evidently though, Ken and the "Not off brand Barbie" hooked up, and, I am told, the other two Barbies are in counseling for depression. There may or may not have been a wedding the other night. All I know was, it was very loud, and, trying to sleep, I was very aggravated, and objected loudly to the proceedings. I am not sure if the nuptials ended up happening or not. Honest to Goodness, I am not even kidding; it is this sort of topic that gets covered at dinner every night.


     Today is the monthly "Wear your school shirt to school day" This is where I once again point out that the title of this Blog indicates I am aware of my shortcomings as a mother.
     At the beginning of the school year, the children in the Elementary School were all handed t-shirts in the school colors with some sort of inspirational message on the back of it. The kids are encouraged to wear the shirts once a month during a school assembly. Panic usually sets in days ahead of time, because, we never can find the shirts. Neither of my boys ever have the slightest idea where those shirts are. George wore his last week. I advised him to put it someplace safe, after I washed it, and it hasn't been seen since. Fast forward to today, and only Joe could find his shirt. I am not even completely certain as to the actual cleanliness of it, truthfully. Their room is a mess, and, until I haul it out - again - it's anyone's guess what their organization system is for their laundry. While I rushed around the house this morning  trying to get myself ready, snacks packed in back packs, shoes and socks and coats and backpacks and boots ready, laundry folded and cough syrup dispensed, it was with a little bit of defeat that "Perfect Mom" popped into my head. I am pretty sure her kids had their clean and nicely folded shirts on this morning without even having to look. And, as busy as they are, I am equally certain her kids' rooms are clean. And, that she has never told her kids to "go lie down" because she is one of the nicest people on the planet ever. Or, threatened them with embarrassment if she ever catches them doing hipster poetry in public when they grow up. Also, her hair is always perfect. Mine seems to rock the "slightly psychotic Grandma" look lately. Ah well.


     I keep promising my dog that nicer weather is coming. Eventually we will get back to our walking routine. After a long discussion over dinner the other night regarding the importance of bees and butterflies after two kids home sick for the day watched "The Bee Movie" (Also new to Netflix, should anyone be interested), we are contemplating a garden planted specifically to attract both. We'll see. I am still trying to cultivate the current gardens. This past fall, I planted approximately 150 bulbs, so that I had even a slight chance of my gardens looking even a little bit as good as the local funeral home's gardens. I need to see how these turn out! Also, I recently got a seed and plant catalog in the mail. It featured mostly the weeds that I usually pull out of my gardens. Who knew? A lot of them actually had the word "weed" in the title of the plant. I tossed the catalog, because I clearly already have them all in abundance. Honestly, they are also bee and butterfly attractors. Chances are, I could transplant them to a specific area and it would look pretty good, and I could honestly create an entire nifty garden from the weeds I pull. It could work! I can hear the neighbors now "Oh look! There's Moriah. Planting weeds. Weeds all over the place. Why do we have to live here????"


     Once nicer weather happens, I am sure we will see more of the neighbor kids again, too. One of my favorites, Liam, was over the other day as I was preparing two roasting chickens to go into the oven. Watching in horrified fascination, the kid who is all about all things gore and undead, announced that this was disturbing to watch. Why stop at traumatizing my own kids?


     Alrighty. Break time over. Till next time!
    






    

Disconnecting

     I have taken a break from Facebook. I suppose I could get all preachy and self righteous as to my reasons for it - but - preachy and self righteous pretty much ARE my reasons for it. I just can't deal with the constant judgmental negativity I see. It's exhausting.


     Anyhow. Who knows how long the break will last. Meanwhile, what has anybody missed lately? Not much! We stayed home most of the Holiday Season. I think we all needed to recuperate after the craziness of our lives over the past few months.


     With the exception of George, we all managed to stay up for the New Year Ball Drop. George looked at me smugly at 9:30 pm and said "See Mom? Still awake. Messing around wide awake - just like I do every night an hour after bed time. I will make it." Fifteen minutes later, Bearded Man was carrying him up to bed.


     We did take the kids sledding over the New Year Holiday. There is a large sledding hill a few towns over that lots of people visit. We hadn't been there in awhile, so, we decided to head out. In the middle of the hill, there was a hump. Inevitably little kids would hit that hump with their sleds and the sled would go flying one direction, and flailing little bodies would launch into space with sickening thuds to earth amidst horrified gasps and cringes from onlookers.
     After three out of four of my kids ended up with heads slamming against the hard packed hill, they decided they were finished sledding for the day. Concussion checks determined they were all okay, and we took them for hot cocoa instead. Incidentally, I think that's the same place my youngest brother broke his arm, years ago.


     Also of note lately is my latest hair appointment with my little sister. Brianna does a fabulous job with my hair, and in no way should ever be blamed for how terrible it chronically looks. It is due entirely to my own inadequacy and not hers.
     That being said, I was at her salon last evening, getting my hair done, when she mentioned the Bills. "Oh! Yes. Bad time of year for bills. I hear ya." I sympathized.


     "NO! The BUFFALO BILLS!!!!"


     "Brianna. What. Did you do to the Buffalo Bills." (Because, seriously. There is nothing my sister can do that will surprise me at all at this point.)




     "I had ordered all this stuff from Dick's Sporting Goods online. Only, the packages were delivered when I wasn't home, and left on my front porch. It was really windy that day, and they all blew away. So, I had to go to the store after work one day, to re-buy everything. By the way, that place is crazy over priced, and I will never go there again!" to which we all nodded in agreement "Anyhow, there was this guy standing by the doors. And I only noticed him, because he had the WORST HAIR EVER!!!! I mean, I was trying to decide if it was a bad perm, or if he just had terrible hair, but why on earth was he letting it STAY that way??? I was in a really bad mood, I had worked all day, and my back was killing me and it was really busy there and I was so tired and had a million things to do, and I was mad about how expensive everything was. When I was getting ready to get into the line to pay, I noticed the guy was STILL standing there, and he was staring at me like I should KNOW him or something. I DIDN'T. Trust me, I would have totally remembered that hair. It needed HELP. And, he was on one of those little leg scooters, you know, like you kneel a leg on when you hurt your foot? So, this guy is just standing there, and I am in a mood. And he's staring and I am so tired. And, on the way out, he's looking at me like I need to remember who he is or something, and without meaning to, I looked at his hair and said "UGH!" and shuddered, and kept on walking. Because I am a hair dresser, and it's all I could SEE! Anyhow, I went home, and was watching the news and GUESS WHAT???? I don't know how I didn't get caught on the news being all rude, because HE WAS A BUFFALO BILL AND HE WAS THERE SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS!!!!! And his hair STILL looked bad on the TV!!!!! And then, Phoenix (her all about sports, son) started to cry because, not only did I NOT get an autograph, but, I INSULTED ONE OF THE BUFFALO BILLS!!!!!!"


     Well. Only my sister. Things are never dull in her world. I don't think I have ever gotten my hair done, and not laughed so hard I couldn't breathe at some point.


     Seriously. Nothing else of importance has happened. It's been so nice having extra down time at home during the last few weeks! The kids were given a pile of board games, and have spent many evenings in hotly debated allegations of cheating - some substantiated and some not. All electronics were forbidden for the entire Holiday break from school, and the television was on at a minimum. There was one day, however, that I arrived home from work and found two feet of snow in my driveway, and the house a mess after my kids had been home all day. All shovels were buried in the snow, after one of George's adventures. So, I made the kids all go outside, find the shovels, and shovel the driveway. I did feel pretty guilty about it though, as I snuggled into my recliner under a blanket. But, it didn't kill them, so, I suppose it was all good. I tell them it's a life skill, and they will appreciate me someday, but, I don't think they believed me at the time.


    Now the holidays are over, and we are getting ready to head back into the crazy routine of things, as well as  George's upcoming 7th Birthday, and Lexi's 13th!


     I will add this to Facebook, but, honestly, I am not checking it. I tried to check earlier, and the first thing I saw was a rant about something or other, so, I uninstalled it from my phone.


      Take care, and stay warm!