Giving Your Kid Wings

     Last night, my (almost) 13  year old daughter stumbled off a bus, fresh from Washington DC, right around 11:30.

     This trip was a huge opportunity for her, as one of 10 kids selected from her school to go for 4 days.
     We were up at 4:30 am Mother's Day morning, after 2 days of trying to get my chronically unorganized kid packed and organized. During which I had a taste of what parenting a teen will be like - in that I now have the ability to go all Exorcist and turn my head completely around, while hitting all notes of Operatic range, from shrill soprano to deepest bass. All in one sentence.
    
    On the way to the school to catch the bus, she announced she we were sending her into dangerous areas. If she didn't end  up in a fiery bus collision/explosion, then, there would probably be terrorists, shootings and bombs in Washington.
      She did make it both ways without any explosions, on her bus or any other. Nor were there any shooters, terrorists or bombs in Washington.
     She did threaten to call the manager of the hotel, when the balcony doors would not open, nor the windows. And the view was awful. And there were kids running up and down the hallways making all kinds of racket, and this was unacceptable. The manager has no idea how grateful he should be, that they kept her too busy to call...
     She learned that there are few people in Washington DC that speak English, and even fewer that are nice to school kids.

     She also had a great time. They crammed in so much during their short time in DC! I received excited texts and pictures, and animated phone calls, chronicling all her adventures. She learned a lot, saw a lot, did a lot. I was so glad she had the opportunity.

    The kids were told that this was not in replacement of their school work. They knew going into it that, they were expected in school the day after the trip, and that they would have 4 days of tests and homework to catch up on. Oh yes, and the school concert tonight. And the flowers from their flower sale came in and needed to be handed out today for 2 hours after school. They were all aware of this.

     One mom, however, was not happy about it last night, when the bus arrived. Parents started getting out of their vehicles, to go see their kids, as they stumbled off the bus. The teacher was the first one off, and, out of nowhere, an SUV zoomed through the parking lot, and stomped on the brakes in front of the bus, cutting the kids and their parents off from each other. Kids were getting off the bus, as the mom began to scream at the teacher in the MOST vulgar language, for having the kids  back so late, and expecting so much of them today. She was vicious and mean and rude and nasty. And her son was humiliated. She never even acknowledged him, as, head down, he climbed into the passenger side while she ranted.
     Parents stopped, dumbfounded, and one dad said "Is she SERIOUS?" as the teacher, in exhausted frustration bit his tongue and just tried to let it roll over him.
     Eventually, the screaming stopped, and she stomped on the gas peddle and zoomed back out of the parking lot.
     Kids who had been set to run to their parents stood in confusion, and parents were trying to let the teacher know that we didn't all feel this way. It wasn't like the kids hadn't been told this was how it was going to be.

     Guess what our kids will learn today? They will learn that, sometimes, when you are really really tired, you will still have responsibilities. You will still have obligations. You will need to get it all done. You will not always have someone to bail you out. You may hate every moment of it, but, it has to be done. And on the other side of it, you will feel a huge sense of accomplishment, and a lot of pride in yourself, because, you did it! All on your own, because you can.
     Some day, in the not so distant future, these kids will be on their own. In college, raising families, in the work force in some capacity. And sometimes, there are situations when you have to call on reserves you didn't know you had, to get things done, or else. Today, they might get a taste of it. I honestly don't think parents do their kids any favors, when they shield them from every little thing. They will never grow into independent, productive confident adults, if they aren't allowed to have some space, be expected to be responsible, be allowed to problem solve, be allowed to feel that sense of pride that they CAN get things done when things are rough, or be allowed to stand on their own two feet, without their parents holding them up and blocking every less than perfect situation. Some times, you have to give your kid wings, and shove them out of the nest, for their own good.


     Speaking of wings. Here in Western New York, we have a little boy who, gained his this week.

     It began as a mom, writing a Blog, about her son, a little boy with an identical twin brother, who had been diagnosed with stage iv brain cancer. His mom was begging people to pray for a miracle for her baby.
     It took off, in the most unexpected way. A campaign called "Blue For Ben" began. Offices across the region, and even across the country, had "Dress Blue for Ben" days. As did schools. Niagara Falls was lit Blue, the Peace Bridge, office buildings, also turned blue for Ben. Tens of thousands of people prayed for this family, as Ben's mother begged for a miracle for her son. Support poured in from all over the world.
     And Ben's mom continued to chronicle their story via her Blog. Mom's everywhere wept, as they thought of their own kids, and viewed such heartbreak, written from a Mother's point of view.
     With each Blog post, it was evident that, the miracle that Ben's mom had prayed for, was not going to happen. With each post sadder than the last, and not one person I know who could read it without crying, it was clear that Ben was not going to make it.
     In all reality though, Ben's mom DID get her miracle. Just not the one she was looking for. Because, through it all, Ben's mom showed the whole world what amazing faith she had. She almost seemed to accept the inevitable with more grace and acceptance than her followers did. Posts on Facebook wondered in anguish WHY this should happen to a little boy, and not a terrible criminal? Where was the justice? How was this fair? Yes, yes yes, at the same time, Jim Kelly, the retired Buffalo Bills quarter back has cancer, and that's sad,  but, a little boy??? A little boy who loves to play with frogs?? And catch snakes? And who has those DIMPLES?? EVERYONE felt Ben and his family tug on their heartstrings. When Ben's mom announced she was pregnant, it made it even harder to bear. Growing the life of one baby, while watching another fade away. Pregnancy hormones, and the grief of watching your baby's days dwindle. The miracle that Ben's mom got was not that Ben could heal and the cancer would be gone.
     The miracle that Ben's mom got was, herself. She showed the entire Western New York area, and people worldwide, what an amazing faith she had. She brought together communities and parents everywhere, into one big prayer chain. She showed us all this absolute faith in God, and this acceptance of His will, that I don't know I could be a good enough person to ever accept. She showed everyone her serenity with the complete belief that Ben was in heaven, and he was okay, and that God had given them a huge blessing , just letting them borrow Ben for 5 short years. How many parents can honestly say they would feel as Ben's mom did? I don't know that I could.

     Since I am at work, and this post is making me all weepy, I think I should stop writing about Ben.

     I guess, there are all sorts of ways, to give your child wings. Be it Independence, or responsibility, or stepping  back, and letting them deal with life on their own, or, letting them go to heaven, with the trust that God's got this.