Last weekend finally dawned the date of my sister's wedding. Not one person involved will dispute me when I say it was a rough few months. My sister just wanted the entire thing over with by the end.
The day before the wedding was rocky, to say the least. However, the day of the wedding dawned, and the weather was perfect, and by the time everyone was finished with hair and makeup, people seemed to have relaxed a little.
I have never had my makeup done. It took about half an hour, and layer after layer after layer was applied. When the tech handed me a mirror, to check it out, I jumped a little. It looked exactly like the makeup on a corpse laid out in a funeral home. At a distance, it looked great! Up close, when you don't expect it, it was startling.
I am not a fan of "Selfies" and tend to roll my eyes a little when I see people post selfie after selfie after selfie - seriously - if you are the center of attention with your kid in the lower corner of the pic, and you're all #isn'tmykidadorbs? NO ONE believes this is about your adorbs kid, and EVERYONE knows you expect at least 40 "OH MY GOSH!!! YOU ARE SOOOOO GORGEOUS!!!!" replies.
That being said: I posted a bunch of selfies on Facebook after the hair and makeup portion of the wedding events. Because, seriously, with 47 layers of makeup on, that looked decent (from a distance!) and the next chance of having that kind of make up being when I am laid out and people are commenting on the horrendous outfit Bearded Man is bound to pick out for me, I wanted to immortalize it while I could. I NEVER look that put together. My hair and makeup routine takes less than 3 minutes in the morning. I have to get myself, 4 kids, 2 dogs and a cat up, fed and ready for the day. And spend at least 5 minutes trying to convince Bearded Man to get out of bed. So. I took pictures, so I can see how I COULD look if I ever become wealthy and have the time and money to have 47 layers of makeup applied to my face every day. I wouldn't be able to see to enjoy it anyway. I discovered my glasses sink about 1/4" into it, when I tried to wear them.
After hair and makeup, it was time for mani pedi's. I have not had either since I treated myself after nursing graduation several years ago.
I discovered that, no matter how many times you scrub and shower, that, the effects of gardening in bare feet are discernible. I discovered that I felt bad for sitting like a princess in a massage chair, while a slim Oriental Man pampered my feet. I apologized several times, completely uncomfortable, thinking about this poor little guy, crouched in this uncomfortable position, rubbing my feet and legs until he finally made bottle gestures and inquired if I was drinking.
Once at the wedding site, things progressed well. All of my kids were in the wedding. I didn't think too hard about George's behavior, until we were all under the gazebo, and my boys were completely unreachable by myself, all the way over on the other side, near the Groom's men. And I watched helplessly, as George kicked Joe repeatedly. Until Joe retaliated. They began to kick each other, with a few well aimed slugs in there, too, while George grinned smugly at me. I am sure every single picture captures me scowling at my boys and shaking my head threateningly at them.
There was an awkward moment after someone handed me a glass of wine. I had been standing with a group of people and we were laughing very hard, and I had taken approximately 4 sips of wine. The preacher pulled me aside and inquired if I was okay and if I had maybe drank a little too much? I swear, I was not NEARLY as obnoxious as that sounds... I had caught up with a person I knew from my brothers' baseball days, and they were asking what my married name was now..... It went downhill from there. We were ALL laughing. However, I am pretty sure the preacher was expecting bad behavior from me, judging from a few comments made here and there. Water under the bridge and all that.... For goodness' sake, I was the picture of decent propriety.
Bearded Man has made Craig's List his best friend. Yesterday, I received a picture of a 1964 rusted travel trailer. As in; one of those little trailers you see in the Westerns where a bad guy lives? I swear, I didn't tell him that if he brought it home, he could plan on living in it. But I wanted to.
Today, I received a text full of pictures of a 17' boat on a trailer, hooked to the back of his truck. He found it on the "Free" page, and had dreams of a yacht. It evidently requires a lot of work and a $5,000. engine, and will undoubtedly end up rotting in the (newly cleaned out) driveway for the next year. If he manages to get it home in one piece, it should be parked semi permanently in the driveway by morning. The challenge of keeping the kids off and out of it should prove interesting.
Pretty much that's it. Currently, we are hoping to get started with painting the house within the next few weeks. Also, the brother of a friend of mine is going to New Hampshire on July 3rd, to get lobsters, fresh out of the ocean. I have never tried lobster, and thought this might be a good opportunity to do so, so, decided to get in on that, and buy lobsters, and invite people over, and have lobster and chicken wings for the 4th of July. I have never tasted lobster, and certainly never cooked a lobster, and obviously, am in completely over my head, deciding to take on cooking LOTS of lobsters for lots of people, all at once. The chef next door told Jasin we needed to just boil them till they are red. I was all "WHAT? Aren't they ALREADY red???!!!!" While trying REALLY hard not to think about wrestling lots of live angry lobsters into boiling water without myself or the kids crying. Honestly, this has the potential to cause trauma and the need for therapy. Or at least the best family story for generations to come. (Seriously. If anyone out there has the slightest clue what they're doing, I will buy your lobster, if you will come over and murder every one's dinner and subsequently cook it.....Thanks!)
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