The Dick's go Grocery Shopping

     We have most weekends together as a family now. Those weekends are generally filled with some activity or obligation, catching up on housework and laundry, and are overall busy.

     I have not worked a job with weekends off, for approximately 11 years now. I still have not decided how I feel about it. As a nurse in a hospital, I could work several days in a row, and then have off several days in a row. The occasional weekend, if I needed it. As a bartender, or waitress, I only worked weekends, and then had most of the week off. It was great!
     Now, there are these 2 days a week. And it's usually full. There is something to be said about weekdays off. It's just easier. Easier to get to Doctor appointments, see my fellow tea drinking buddy, Sue, get housework and laundry done without the entire family underfoot... this weekend off thing takes some getting used to!

    After church last Sunday, we took the kids grocery shopping. In the desperate hopes that George would behave, because George was absolutely NOT in the mood to behave. At all. And the church had donuts after mass, and the kids were all feeling slightly nauseous.
     At the checkout, George found a Monster Truck hanging on one of those displays designed for checkout line tantrums by sadistic evil people who then blame bad parenting for the subsequent meltdowns. There is a special place in hell for those people.
     We have the 'store rules' which the kids recite before leaving the vehicle at every grocery store.

"KIDS! What are the rules?"

"NO BEGGING FOR STUFF!"

"AND?"

"NO WHINING!"

"AND?"

"NO CRYING!"
"AND?"

NO RUNNING OFF!"

"AND?"
"NO FIGHTING!"

"AND?"

"NO ARGUING WITH YOU!"

"GOOD! You may now exit the vehicle."

     So, George wants a Monster Truck. And the meltdown begins. The resignation that this tantrum is going to last until he is in his car seat, sets in. We were pinned in the checkout, and unable to whisk George out, which, when both parents are present, is standard operating procedure. Misbehave? You are going to sit in the truck with a parent till the shopping is done. (Please note: My mind is already pounding out a list of parents whose children are model kids, that never do that, and always behave in stores. This post is mostly for the rest of us, whose children scream like abused half starved savages at every checkout, over candy bars and matchbox cars.) We were ignoring it, as we loaded groceries on the counter, and waiting for the opportunity to take him out, when the cashier exclaims; "Little Man! You want a sucker?"
"What?.... Yeeees....." George responds suspiciously.
"Okay, but ya gotta quit crying, okay? Can you help me? Can you put the wrapper over there in the garbage?"
"Yes." And, he was off, truck forgotten. To every one's relief, the situation was averted. And I felt like I probably should have tried something more diplomatic than "Knock it off, or you are going to the truck with your Dad, because you are absolutely not getting that monster truck today." as I loaded my groceries onto the counter, and noted Duchess Kate is pregnant, possibly with a girl, according to a magazine at eye level. Super Mom strikes again.

"Every moment I grow, I get closer to death." announces Lexi of factly.

The entire production stopped. The cashier, myself, Bearded Man, the kids, and people in line behind and ahead of us.

"WHAT?!" I gasp

"Every single moment I grow, I am only getting closer to being dead, Mom."
"O.M.G." I moan.

"Hey! You want a sucker, too? Maybe it will brighten your outlook, and you could, you know,  maybe talk about something else!" the cashier says brightly.

"I will take a sucker" responds Lexi, "But, I am still getting closer to death."

"There is no tomorrow, Mom. Only today." Joe says wisely.

"That's true. Pretty much we are all working toward being dead." Lexi agrees.

"Moooooom!!!!! This is embarassing! Make her stop!" Kaila groans.

"You can ALL have suckers!" the cashier says desperately. "Just, don't forget to throw the wrappers out. You know, leave the earth a better place, before you all go. Which, I hope isn't for a very long time...."

"We never know when our time will come." Lexi says casually.

"ALEXANDRIA! STOPPIT! For heaven's sake, we just left church!!!" I beg.

"It's TRUE, Mom." Lexi argues, around her sucker.

"Aaaaaand, your total is...." interrupts the cashier.

"HA! I STILL beat you at most amount saved at Tops!" says Bearded Man smugly, looking over the receipt.

Family memories and bonding and all that.