Quarantine!

     The stomach bug hit our house this week. It's times like this, that makes the realization kick in that my kids are generally obscenely healthy. Which is good, because I am a lousy nurse, when it comes to my kids. I second guess everything, and wonder how much legal trouble I will get into, if I don't get them timely medical attention if it turns out it was something awful. This winter, we had a minor bug go through the house, but nothing major. Except George, who, no matter what I do, cannot get rid of a body wracking cough that just will not go away.

     It began Sunday after church. We were headed to pick the older kids up from Religious Ed, when George began coughing, which turned into vomiting. I sprang the kids out of Religious Ed early, and we took them all home. Monday, George was still not feeling well, so I stayed home from work. Tuesday, I had taken the day off, as Bearded Man needed to go out of town for the day. Thank goodness I was home, as Kaila ended up coming home from school sick. She made it through the front door, and passed right on by to the bathroom. Where I had to show her the proper way to position herself to vomit, after seeing she had broken all the blood vessels around her eyes, that were now swollen from standing over the toilet. You know your kids are rarely sick, when you have to tell your almost 13 year old how to vomit. Awesomeness.
    
     In the midst of this, Turbo came home from the Vet, after getting Neutered on Monday. Absolutely, we should throw a sore psychotic puppy into the middle of the chaos. After he came back home, Buster, the other dog, decided Turbo was the best place to relieve himself, so, there was a brief and traumatic wrestling event in the bathtub with Turbo, to wash it all off of him.

     By Tuesday evening, Joe was throwing up. Down the stairs, and off the side of the stairs, onto my head, as I sat in my recliner, screeching at him to "STOP THROWING UP ON ME!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JOE, IT'S IN MY EYES NOW!!!!!!"
    
     "DID HE GET THE iPAD??!!!" Hollered one of the concerned other kids. "I DON'T KNOW; IT'S IN MY EYES!!!!!"

     In cleaning up the stairs, and the subsequent walls, I noticed that there was a dirty streak down the wall, from years of little hands sliding down it. I could not clean the vomit, without scrubbing an entire wall. A small part of me felt like I should take the time to appreciate the tiny dirty little hand print mural down my wall, but, mostly I was trying to stifle inappropriate language.
     Lexi stood at the top of the stairs, and announced she was putting herself on bedroom lock down, so she wouldn't catch it too. 24 hours of eating healthy foods, washing her hands, and staying away from everyone did not pay off, however, as she had it by yesterday evening.

    Kaila was by and large the hardest hit, and, the most dramatic. The moaning and writhing had the entire household, convinced that her announcement that she was going to die was nothing short of prophetic at the very least. After the vomit on the head incident, I did snap at  her to either go throw up, or knock of the moaning, which worked for a little while. I do not rock as a mom.
     Joe was all about what he could get out of it.
     "Mom. Since I am very sick and just puked all over the stairs -" "AND ME!" "- can I have a turn on the ipad even though Dad grounded us for the whole week. You know, cuz I am sick? I promise I will not throw up anyplace but in the toilet, if I can have a turn on the ipad!"

     My boss told me to either provide a Doctor note, or get to work today. Since there isn't a Doctor that I am personally aware of, that will write me a note to stay home and take care of 4 kids in various stages of the stomach bug, I am writing this on a break at work. I think they are on the downward slope from this. Kaila decided she was probably going to survive. Until I told her she had to go to school today. Then she was pretty sure she would be dead by lunchtime. Last time I checked, she was still with us, however, so, there is that.

     I think this is Karma. Monday, I was bemoaning to a friend that I envy stay at home moms sometimes. This whole balance work and kids and schedules and housework and laundry thing gets pretty overwhelming sometimes. Today, I was okay with going to work.....

     Meanwhile, I have some news that I haven't decided how I feel about. Bearded Man is no more. Jasin shaved it off. All of it. At first, he just trimmed it, and it actually looked nice. But then, he went all clippers on it, and, it's gone.

     All these months of wondering if the right guy was under that beard, and, I am sorry to say, I don't recognize him. He looks nothing like the pre-beard pictures from a few years ago. I pointed this out to him, but, he said that the kids and dogs have accepted him, so, he is staying. Honestly, he does the dishes, and occasionally bakes bread. He has promised to clean up the driveway from all his projects from the last year, the moment we have a decent weekend, so, I suppose he can stay. And, he thinks he may grow it back again, in moderation. I can be okay with that.

     One other thing of note: Joe had his First Reconciliation this past weekend. After, I took him to a little place near our church, for lunch. The conversation went as such:

     "Mom, how come I have never seen a Kopper Keg before?" (Name of restaurant.)

     "Because you have never come here before."

     "NO! I mean, ever? Why haven't we ever gone to one?"

     "Huh?"

     "You know, like, in other places!"

     "This is the only one, honey."

     "No, you know, like in other towns and stuff!"

     "There aren't any other Kopper Kegs! This is it!"

     "NO! You know, like, there are Subways and Pizza Huts, and McDonalds and stuff in almost every town? This place is awesome! Why don't we go to them in the other towns?"

     "OH!!!! Joe, there aren't any others! Just this one. That's it."

     "Oh! You mean there are restaurants that are only one, and not all over and everywhere?"

     "Yep!"

     "How come I have never seen a commercial about it? Or heard it on the radio, or seen it anywhere?"

     "Because little places like this don't usually have all that. They are just small town places with really good food that isn't the garbage like the chain restaurants."

     "This is an AMAZING idea. Literally. There should be more of these."

     "Yep."

The entire conversation made me feel like a terrible mom. My kid talked for 2 whole days about this amazing place, that was "ONLY ONE! NO. OTHERS. Can you believe it??!!" We generally don't take the kids out to eat very often anyway, and, my stomach actually rolls, just thinking about McDonald's anymore. In thinking about it, there are way more chain places than little family owned family restaurants anymore. The entire conversation made me want to boycott chain restaurants all together. And, I totally felt like the worst parent ever. One of our favorite traditions is getting the Christmas tree and having lunch or dinner at Pizza Hut....

Anyhow, that's about it around here. I sincerely apologise for this descriptively gross post, and promise not to talk so much about vomit in the next one. Have a great weekend!