A Trip To My Sister's Salon

     One of my brothers is getting married today! The plan is to call home at 4pm, tell the kids they had better be dressed appropriately and ready to go, zoom home from work, throw on a dress, try not to weep at my reflection, slap on some make up, fluff up the hair, and be out the door and on the road again within five minutes.


     In preparation for the wedding, and also because I was due, and I am tired of the glittering gray hairs, I headed to my sister's salon last night to get my hair done. "What are you going to get done?" asked an innocent co worker "Whatever she does to it." I replied. "I have absolutely no say in the matter."
     Daughters in tow, as, Kaila needed her hair done too, we headed out. Things are never dull at my sister's salon. Ever. Last night was no exception. We arrived to see a young lady in the chair, finishing up a cut and color. Chattering away, my sister snipped with her scissors, and, finishing, yelled "Get outta my chair!" to the poor thing, who stood up, announced she loved it, paid my sister lots of money, and scooted out. Next up was Kaila. While Kaila was getting her hair done, another customer walked in. My sister finished brushing color onto Kaila's hair, and yelled "Get outta my chair! YOU! Get in the chair!" to Kaila and the next guy. The poor man hopped into the chair and asked to have his almost non existent hair cut and washed. "You want a perm with all that hair, or what?" she demanded. The tough body builder/farmer meekly announced she could do whatever she wanted with his hair. So, she did the "usual" and yelled "Get outta my chair!" as soon as he was done. He gave her money and a hug, and headed on his way, announcing how much he loved her. Kaila was back in the chair to have her color washed out, when the next guy came in. "Are you Donna?" "No. I am Brianna. Who are you?" "I was told this was the best place in the whole entire world, to come for a haircut." "What do you want?" "Well, I want a buzz cut, but the wife wants it trimmed. To look exactly the same as it does now." "Wait. Isn't your wife the one that's always in jail and kind of terrifying??" "Yeah. But she tries to make it out for the kids' birthdays." "Awright. I will cut it the way you want and just lock the door when you're done, so she can't come in and get me." she decided. "Kaila! Get outta my chair!" she yelled, whipping the cape off my kid, "Get in the chair!" she yelled to the man standing there. "I forgot it was my anniversary today." he announced. "Ohhhhh. Not good." said my sister, shaking her head and snipping away. "I know. But, you can't blame me - she's usually in jail for these things!" "What about the holidays?" "Jail." "Even Christmas??" "Yeah. But, I think she was out for Thanksgiving last year. And she always makes sure she's out for birthdays." "Gotcha."
     My girls sat in absolute fascination, as the conversation continued. Finishing up, my sister whipped the cape off of the man and yelled "Get outta my chair!" to the man. He looked at himself in the mirror and announced "I look damn good! I would do me in an alley!" gave her a hug and money, and announced he would be back for all future haircuts. "Ri! Get in the chair!" she yelled at me. "I know what I am going to do to your hair. It will be amazing. But, you don't deserve it." she glared at me.
     "Oh, please! I promise, I will do whatever you ask!" I begged
     "I don't see why. Just scrunching it for two seconds is not going to do anything. I don't know why I bother. You don't use products, you don't blow dry it. You don't deserve it."
     "I will do whatever you tell me to,"
     "You will get what I give you!"
And she began to paint things onto my hair. While we are at the salon, we continued to talk about the phones listening to us. Every so often, I would hear "Let's see what the phone thinks!" and, sure enough, there was always something pertinent to what we were discussing. "Look! It's an ad for Captain Morgan! My phone gets me, Bri" I said, showing her my phone.
     Eventually another customer came in, and I was screamed at to get outta the chair. The next customer was an old family friend for as long as I can remember. When it was his turn to get outta the chair, my sister was given money, a hug, and, yet another customer announced his love for my sister, and happily asked that we all meet up again in 4-6 weeks to re-convene. "RI! Get back in the chair!" yelled my sister, and I hopped back in.
     Eventually, my hair was finished, and I was told to get out of the chair, and my girls were put to work helping her close down the salon for the night. I was fluffing my hair in the mirror, and checking it all out. "Thanks Bri! It looks great! I love it!"
     "Oh. By the way - it's purple in the back." she said casually as she walked by.
      "WHAT? Give me a mirror!" and, low and behold - I have decidedly purple hair under layers of blonde highlights and brown. It manages to look wonderful, while still keeping me professional. Just incredible.
   
     My sister is like that Soup Nazi on Seinfeld. She has absolutely thrown people out of her salon. She has a nearly cult like following, and, her customers adore her like no other. It's amazing. As incredible as that girl is with hair, I am not sure why she isn't wealthy and commanding a top salary. Most of her customers hug her before they leave, even her pediatric customers.


     Anyhow. If nothing else - my hair will look fabulous for my brother's wedding tonight. I also need to tell my mother she looks fabulous - as - she popped into the salon while we were there, and I said "Have you tried on your dress yet?" I MEANT to say "Does it look fabulous, (or awesome)?" but, couldn't pick an adjective, and  it came out "Does it look awful?" to my mother's horror, and my sister's howls of laughter. It doesn't matter if my poor mother wears tonight - I have to assure her it's amazing.


     Have a great weekend!