SURPRISE!!!!!

     This past Saturday, I turned 40. This past weekend also included Joe coming home from his nearly week - long Scout camping trip very late Friday night, and George and the Bearded Man leaving for an overnight camping trip first thing Saturday morning, until Sunday. I figured the Scouts had effectively ruined any possible birthday plans, and decided to catch up on things around the house for the weekend.
    
     Suddenly, I knew something was happening. I wasn't sure what, but, little comments from Kaila and my sister, and I knew something was up. I looked at Kaila and said: "I'm going to need to clean the house, aren't I? Am I looking at 'Hey! It's Aunt Bri and the kids coming to hang out!' clean, or, 'Company is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!' clean?"
     "I don't know what you are talking about. Please stop asking me questions."

     So, I made sure the house was "Company is Coming" clean.


     Saturday morning began by packing George up shortly after dawn, and shipping him off with the Bearded Man. "Mom. I wish so much I could stay here. I can't tell you why. I just wish I could be here." he said longingly on his way out the door. "I am sure you will have so much fun,  you won't even think about it." I assured him. And then finished cleaning the house.
 
     At noon, I was hauled away "For reasons,  okay??" and, we spent three hours killing time, before I was allowed back home again. Kaila pulled in the driveway, and people began pouring out of the house for a surprise Birthday Party! There were people and decorations everywhere. Kids ran around with balloons, the dining room was strung with streamers, and the kitchen was full of food. It was just incredible! A flashing tiara was stuck on my head, and a sash was thrown over me, announcing I was 40, and I was instructed to not remove either of them. After awhile, my sister excitedly told me to look at the card she had brought me. The envelope read "MORIAH! GUESS WHAT????????" looking questioningly at my sister, I opened the card, while she barely contained herself. Opening it, I read "WE'RE GETTING TATTOOS THIS WEEK!!!!!!!!" The look on my mother's face was priceless. Brianna and I have talked about getting some sort of small "sister" tattoo for a few years now. She has already talked to a local tattoo artist. After some discussion though, we decided to do tattoos after the summer swimming season, so, maybe at the end of August.
 
     We had so much fun during that party! Deanna, my sister in law, had brought lots of food, and made a cake, and Joe perked right up because there was all this "Joe approved" food, after the depravation of Scout Camp, and the terrible things they tried to feed him. ("Mom. There were days when I literally only ate apples, because that was literally the only thing decent to eat. Even as a pretty much Mexican person, I could not eat the Mexican food they served one day!" "Joe. Once again - you are not Mexican. Not even a little tiny bit." "And, on the day they had ribs?? That day, they gave us two rib bones with hardly any meat on them!" He arrived home at almost 11:30 Friday night, and proceeded to eat two steaks, a spoonful of peanut butter, and a large glass of milk.)
    
     At one point, the guys marched all two thousand (give or take a few) kids down the road to the local ice cream place, and, all the ladies convened on the front porch. Where my sister began to regale us with her recent tea purchase experience.


     "I was here last Saturday, and Ri here was telling me she really liked this tea - it's spelled C-H-A-I I think", began my coffee addicted sister, "so, I went to East Aurora, because I heard there was a tea store there, and I got LOST. So, I was already all stressed out, when I finally found the store. And, there was the handsomest guy there and he started out all nice, but, I asked him for this tea, and I have no idea how these things work, and so he started to show me this - I don't even know how you say it - Chai? tea. He's telling me to sniff  the tea, while he waves the scent toward me. It was so disgusting. So, I finally picked the two that smelled okay, and said, "Okay, I will take those two." and he looked at me funny, and said I have to buy it by the ounce.  What the what? Okay, whatever. And then he starts to weigh it! He delicately puts these weeds into this bag, and weighs it, and keeps shaking the bag, and adding more, and it was this whole process, and I am rolling my eyes, and then I stop and say 'WAIT! How does she drink that??' and the guy is all shocked and says, 'you put it in water' and I was all 'YOU EXPECT MY SISTER TO DRINK WEEDS?????!!!!!!!' And so then I had to buy a special teapot, and he was trying to explain all these things, and I told him to just write directions down, so you could do this, but, my sister better not have to drink weeds."


     I was laughing so hard. I assured my sister I could brew the tea and not drink any weeds. There was a lot of laughing involved while we sat on the porch. I am not entirely sure what the ladies there who were not used to my sister thought, but, they must have liked it, because we did discuss all of us getting together once a month. The subject of her salon came up briefly, and she casually mentioned she just had to ban another four people this week. I am eternally grateful I haven't been banned yet. Honestly, she could make a fortune, she's this side of exclusive.
    





      It really was the best time, and I was so happy! Eventually, people began to leave, and I happened to walk into my house. It appeared that all two thousand children who had been there, had thrown a college style two day bender in approximately six hours. Gazing around at my house, I was amazed at what the pediatric population was capable of. I can only imagine what their future college years hold in store, because the little savages are really very capable of considerable chaos. It was worth every minute of it, too. I think they had just as much fun as I did! I shrugged and told parents all day that my house is pretty kid friendly, and they were fine. And, it was.




     Earlier in the day, shortly before we left the house, one of our neighbors had come over. They are getting a pool and had just dug up lots of concrete decorative edging. He had barely asked if I wanted it, before I burst out that I would love it. I assured him I would be over with the Bearded Man the next day to pick it up, and, in the back of my head already began to make plans for it. When Jasin arrived home the next day, tired and grouchy from his camping trip, he was not the most enthused person about going to haul concrete garden edging, but, we did go get it. The decision needs to be made now - do I re-edge an existing garden with it? Or, do I start a whole new garden? I need to think about this for awhile. There's a fine balance between garden friendly yard and kid/dog friendly yard...seriously. The neighbor had no idea that I absolutely considered garden things a birthday present. With the collection of bricks that I have, along with the new concrete goodies, I have the potential to do some pretty amazing things in my yard.


     One more thought on my party. All laughter aside, I need to mention that: My little sister is a struggling single mom, who works two jobs, and who does her level best to juggle things the best she can. She is regularly exhausted, and could use surgery on her hand, as well as considerable back and neck work. She is not on any form of public assistance, and does it all on her own.
     My sister in law, Deanna, also works two jobs, recently got married, and is a hugely busy person herself!
     And, last but not least, who out there, hears regularly of ANY 16 year old, not only buying tickets and taking their mom to a concert, but, helping to plan and pay for a surprise birthday party for their mom, too? While their car continues to sit in the driveway, because she spent most of her money on her mother, and didn't use it to put  their car on the road?
     It is honestly humbling, that these incredible strong wonderful ladies did this for me, and, I am honestly truly grateful. Keeping in mind that my sister took time off of work to do some of the pre birthday planning - including the tea buying experience - as well as the expense that all of these ladies went through,  is just really a recipe for making the happy tears flow. I can't thank them all enough!
     Even Lexi and Joe spent their own money and bought me birthday cards!
    
     Seeing old friends and new at the party was just so much fun, and it just made the whole day perfect. Seriously, it relit knowledge that there are still good people in the world out there. It was so nice to be reminded that wonderful people exist, and that I can call so many of them my friends and family.






    

Rotten Tomatoes

     So tired. But, sometimes, the Blogs written while I am tired turn out to be the best ones...


     I've been battling a respiratory thing for months now, and, honestly, it's wearing me right out. So, most days are just a blur anymore. This past weekend, I guiltily laid in my recliner, thinking of the myriad of things I needed to get done. I got up and mowed the lawn. I spent an hour trying to breathe properly again. I cooked dinner. And spent an hour completely worn out. And, apparently, I tormented any child - mine or not - that came near me.


     The Sunday began with Joe leaving for his week long trip to Scout Camp. He will be roughing it on the banks of Chautauqua Lake, and enjoying his days in the water. I was informed on Saturday, that he was declaring Saturday a day of Celebration and Mourning. Celebration, because it was his last day at home, and, mourning, because he would be gone for a week. The rest of my kids were in celebration mode because he would be gone and we could have decent foods again, now that the pickiest eater in the house is gone for a few days. Poor Joe.


     Shortly after Joe left, Kaila was scrolling thru her phone, when she read aloud in horror "Mom! listen to this:  "Man trades baby for 15 Big Macs"! That's terrible!"


     "You are so right." I agreed.


     "I know! Who does that?!"


     "I would have totally hold out for fries and a strawberry shake, before handing the baby over..." I continued musingly.


     "MOM! I am so glad, as the oldest, you didn't trade me in for Big Macs. Wow."


     "You truthfully have no way to know for sure that you are my oldest, now, do you?" I pointed out.


    So, my status as a terrible person was already set, when we wandered out to the front porch. One of the little neighbor boys from next door came over. He climbed up the stairs to my porch, and looked around suspiciously. Glaring at me, he demanded "Why is there a bee flying on your porch??"


     "Do you like it? I ordered it from Amazon last week, so I could have porch bees." I explained.


     "MOM!" came Kaila's response again.


     After a full day of these things happening, I was told by my eldest, that I needed to be nicer to little children. (The same one who's current motto is: "I don't like children unless I am paid to.")


     "I don't see why I have to curb myself. It's not like I will have to pay for their therapy.


     "MOM!!!!!!" 


     Tuesday, I had taken the day off, because, my amazing 16 year old had saved her babysitting money, and bought tickets to go see One Republic at 6 Flags Darien Lake. We headed out early, so we could play in the park for the day first, before heading over to the concert. And what a concert it was! We had the absolute best time! I think more so, because I still can't believe Kaila did such an amazing thing for me. How many kids do that for their mothers?? We did discuss "people watching" while waiting in line for a ride.
     "I don't know why you like that "People Watching" thing so much." Kaila commented


     "How do you not??"


     "I mean, what's the big deal? It's skeletons wandering around wearing meat suits."


     "That girl right there? She's probably super nice. She looks very sweet. But, she's gorgeous, so, people want to hate her, but they just can't, because, she's just too nice. Which, actually makes people sort of hate the poor thing more."


     "WHAT?"


     "That lady there? The one that has been chewing on the same mouthful of granola for the last ten minutes? She works out. She runs, she probably is, at the very least, a vegetarian, but obnoxious about it, and probably pretty judgy toward anyone who eats anything that includes meat or non organic produce, and, I am pretty sure her neighbors hate her on principal."


     "MOM!"


     "But, her baby is super cute! That little girl over there? She was so excited about today! She wore her special sparkly earrings, her sparkly ring, she painted her finger nails just for the occasion, and gave herself a purple French tip on one finger nail on each hand - and did a good job! - and had her hair specially braided for the day. Also, she is totally in love with her outfit."


     "Wow. You're crazy."


Anyhow. We had a really amazing day, and it was completely worth the sleep deficit the next day.


     We have found, with Joe gone, that George has no idea who to torment. So, he has decided upon Lexi. Unfortunately for George though, while Joe just screams "MOM! George keeps (insert latest transgression here...)" Lexi plays on the same dirty level as George does. So, they have been tormenting each other mercilessly. I am not sure if not hearing Joe's constant howls of "MOM!" is worth the trade off of listening to George's constant howls of "LEXI KICKED ME AGAIN!!!!!" Joe will be coming home late Friday night, and George will be heading off to camp early Saturday morning. Things should be back to normal again next Monday. George misses Joe so much though, that he has slept in Joe's bed every night, as well as drawn a large heart on the wall next to Joe's bed, and colored it in with blue crayon.
     I made the mistake of mentioning that to a friend of mine, and she was slightly horrified that George had drawn on the bedroom wall. A few years ago, I told the kids I didn't care if the drew and/or painted on their bedroom walls, as long as they didn't draw and/or paint on any other walls. Seriously, I have bigger things to worry about. So, the kids' bedrooms tend to be pretty colorful. Also, it assists with the guilt I feel when I look at the boys' bedroom walls. When we bought the house, it was Kaila's room. We painted it Cinderella Blue, and I threw glitter into the still wet paint, so, the entire room sparkles beautifully. I will only be able to stick planets and stars in that room while explaining the sparkles are like the stars in outer space for so long. Eventually the testosterone will kick in, and I will have to up my game around here.


     One last note. I love my gardens. This year, I truly wish I had more time and energy to work in them, but, overall, I love them. I planted two tomato plants in containers and, for lack of anyplace better to stick them, plunked them in front of my porch. I proudly watched these plants grow, and faithfully watered them every day. Every day, I come home from work, look with horror upon my wilted plants, and rush to water them again. There are lots of tomatoes on  my plants. Most of them rotting.
     Who screws up tomatoes?? The easiest plants ever? Apparently, I do. Because, I am not seeing much hope that there will be any decent tomatoes on either of my poor plants. Mostly, I am literally growing rotten tomatoes.
     With the Pokémon Go craze starting up again though, they may just come in handy.


     Alrighty. Break time over. Back to work for me!



    

That's a Lot of Mrs. Fishers!

     When last we left our writer, she was headed to her brother's wedding. My brother is now happily married (seriously. The pictures I've seen so far from the wedding show him smiling more than any other pictures that I have ever seen of him. Either I haven't seen enough pictures of my brother to make an educated decision, or, he really hates having them taken. Anyhow. He looked pretty happy in the wedding pics I did see.)
     There are now Three, soon to be four Mrs. Fishers in the family. My new sister in law - who has been a sister in law for as long as I've known her, only now it's official - prefers that she be referred to as "Mrs. Ben Fisher" because, just plain "Mrs. Fisher" reminds her of my mother. I did happen to be part of two separate conversations this weekend, involving Bearded Man and/or various sisters in law, asking each other what one should call the Mrs. Fisher Matriarch. None of them apparently feel comfortable addressing my mother as "Mom", "Carol" or, "Mrs. Fisher". Bearded Man shrugged and said he hasn't addressed her as anything in the 21 years that we've been together. The general consensus is that they all just establish eye contact and begin talking when it is generally established who they are talking to. It's a system that's apparently worked for 21 years, so, I think that was the agreed upon solution.


    
     I should mention that my half purple hair is subtle enough that very few co workers and none of my patients have noticed it. I still love it! Except; I am not a hairdresser. I happened to look in the mirror at work this morning and realized I had completely nailed the "Mom from A Christmas Story" look perfectly. I think I achieved it by not blow drying my hair this morning, which is in direct contradiction to my promise to do whatever my sister told me to do with my hair so that she will continue to do it for me. I think I am fairly safe admitting that here, because she does not have time in her life to read my blog.
     To my brother's wedding, I wore a perfectly nice Mom appropriate dress, and my hair had that "after working all day I had literally five minutes to get ready to go" look to it, and I wore comfortable sensible flats. Everybody's picture of "Mom." My older sister made a very brief appearance, and, at pushing 50, she is tall, has a fabulous figure and has hair that does NOT indicate "Cookie baking fluffy harried mom" I saw her for literally less than one minute, but, I saw enough to see that she wore jeans and a tank top and (I think) her trademark stilettos.
     My little sister rocked a pretty maxi dress, and, even after working all day, had fabulous hair and also looked gorgeous. Ah well. I have the "Mom Look" nailed I suppose. By the way: the bride was stunning as well. I took one look at her and my brother and promptly burst into happy tears. Compounded when I saw the airplane charm attached to my brother's boutonniere in honor of our Dad, and then again when he mentioned that he was wearing one of our Dad's ties. Oh my goodness. If I am this much of a mess when my brother gets married, I can only imagine the mess I will be if my children ever trip down the aisle. Less than two years before Kaila graduates. I imagine I will make a weepy spectacle out of myself then, too.


     The day after the wedding, we headed to a Fourth of July party at the home of some friends, who also happened to be George's Baseball Coaches this year. I was hesitant to go, as, I had been dealing with an overtired George all day, who was bouncing off the walls in hyper overtired state all day. But, we went anyway, and, as soon as we arrived, I knew it would be okay. George's baseball coach is literally a grown up version of George, and, their home was every little boy's paradise. They had a creek to play in, and a tree house and a tire swing and water balloons and football and lots of space to run. It was such a good time, that they can't wait to go back! Also, it was the anniversary of my Dad's passing, so, it was really nice to have the distraction.


     After another late night, we were all up early, as, we were headed off to the Bridal Shower for the future Mrs. Malachi Fisher, held up near Buffalo. Bearded Man had to work, so, I had to bring George along with us. Joe was thankful for the opportunity to stay home and read uninterrupted. Overtired George and my girls in tow - we headed out. It was a beautiful champagne brunch, and there were beautiful happy people everywhere. And; George. He enthusiastically picked up a pen, and decided - unprompted - to fill out a "How Well Do You Know the Bride and Groom?" questionnaire.   "What is the bride's favorite food? Subs!" he wrote excitedly. "What is the groom's favorite food? Pizza!" "Where did they meet? IN A BAR!" "Where did the groom propose? IN A BAR!" He scribbled. I was laughing. Until someone read those questions out loud later in the proceedings, and, George happily called out his answers. I literally had my face in my hands, as my  kid's answers rang loud and clear throughout the room, and I was unable to shush him from where I was sitting. YIKES!


     Update on the resident learning driver: She has not really gone job searching, because she is in  hot demand as a babysitter all over town. There was even a house cleaning job last week. I wish I could say she has diligently saved up her money and that her beloved car is on the road - but - she hasn't and it isn't.
     She does drive at every opportunity, and is improving every day. While she does have to wait six months before she's allowed to take her road test, I have told her that I won't allow it until she can competently drive: Back roads, gravel roads, snow covered roads, rain slicked roads, grooved pavement, the NYS thruway, the city of Buffalo, roundabouts, parking lots, curvy roads and nighttime roads. There is no point in having a driver's license, if you aren't able to drive in cities or in snow. We practice when we can.


     Update on the surgery kids: they had their post op check up this week, and are both fine. The appointment was really just a formality. I had to make George stop dancing and sit in the exam chair, so that the ENT specialist could check out his mouth.


     Update on the resident nerdling: Joe spent most of my brother's wedding tucked into whatever quiet corners he could find, buried in a book. He will be wrapping up his participation in the local library's Lego Club this morning and then hitting the computers to learn more about the recent science article that talked about a recent successful teleportation into space. His future goals are to get a Doctorate in Nuclear Science and work at a large lab located in Berkley California. He begs me frequently to please take him to Berkley, so he can check things out.
     Also, he signed up to run Cross Country this fall in school. He has been advised to start running now, so he is ready then. I won't let him back out, because, sometimes, you need to put the books down and get some fresh air. I think it will be good for him, so, he is going to stick to it. If I was a good mother, I would head to the school track with him, and run too. But, the title of this blog clearly indicates that I am fully aware that I am not perfect, so, mostly I just nag him a lot. I may be convinced to possibly do a nice sedate stroll around the track while he runs, though.


     Whew! It was a busy weekend. Till next time!

A Trip To My Sister's Salon

     One of my brothers is getting married today! The plan is to call home at 4pm, tell the kids they had better be dressed appropriately and ready to go, zoom home from work, throw on a dress, try not to weep at my reflection, slap on some make up, fluff up the hair, and be out the door and on the road again within five minutes.


     In preparation for the wedding, and also because I was due, and I am tired of the glittering gray hairs, I headed to my sister's salon last night to get my hair done. "What are you going to get done?" asked an innocent co worker "Whatever she does to it." I replied. "I have absolutely no say in the matter."
     Daughters in tow, as, Kaila needed her hair done too, we headed out. Things are never dull at my sister's salon. Ever. Last night was no exception. We arrived to see a young lady in the chair, finishing up a cut and color. Chattering away, my sister snipped with her scissors, and, finishing, yelled "Get outta my chair!" to the poor thing, who stood up, announced she loved it, paid my sister lots of money, and scooted out. Next up was Kaila. While Kaila was getting her hair done, another customer walked in. My sister finished brushing color onto Kaila's hair, and yelled "Get outta my chair! YOU! Get in the chair!" to Kaila and the next guy. The poor man hopped into the chair and asked to have his almost non existent hair cut and washed. "You want a perm with all that hair, or what?" she demanded. The tough body builder/farmer meekly announced she could do whatever she wanted with his hair. So, she did the "usual" and yelled "Get outta my chair!" as soon as he was done. He gave her money and a hug, and headed on his way, announcing how much he loved her. Kaila was back in the chair to have her color washed out, when the next guy came in. "Are you Donna?" "No. I am Brianna. Who are you?" "I was told this was the best place in the whole entire world, to come for a haircut." "What do you want?" "Well, I want a buzz cut, but the wife wants it trimmed. To look exactly the same as it does now." "Wait. Isn't your wife the one that's always in jail and kind of terrifying??" "Yeah. But she tries to make it out for the kids' birthdays." "Awright. I will cut it the way you want and just lock the door when you're done, so she can't come in and get me." she decided. "Kaila! Get outta my chair!" she yelled, whipping the cape off my kid, "Get in the chair!" she yelled to the man standing there. "I forgot it was my anniversary today." he announced. "Ohhhhh. Not good." said my sister, shaking her head and snipping away. "I know. But, you can't blame me - she's usually in jail for these things!" "What about the holidays?" "Jail." "Even Christmas??" "Yeah. But, I think she was out for Thanksgiving last year. And she always makes sure she's out for birthdays." "Gotcha."
     My girls sat in absolute fascination, as the conversation continued. Finishing up, my sister whipped the cape off of the man and yelled "Get outta my chair!" to the man. He looked at himself in the mirror and announced "I look damn good! I would do me in an alley!" gave her a hug and money, and announced he would be back for all future haircuts. "Ri! Get in the chair!" she yelled at me. "I know what I am going to do to your hair. It will be amazing. But, you don't deserve it." she glared at me.
     "Oh, please! I promise, I will do whatever you ask!" I begged
     "I don't see why. Just scrunching it for two seconds is not going to do anything. I don't know why I bother. You don't use products, you don't blow dry it. You don't deserve it."
     "I will do whatever you tell me to,"
     "You will get what I give you!"
And she began to paint things onto my hair. While we are at the salon, we continued to talk about the phones listening to us. Every so often, I would hear "Let's see what the phone thinks!" and, sure enough, there was always something pertinent to what we were discussing. "Look! It's an ad for Captain Morgan! My phone gets me, Bri" I said, showing her my phone.
     Eventually another customer came in, and I was screamed at to get outta the chair. The next customer was an old family friend for as long as I can remember. When it was his turn to get outta the chair, my sister was given money, a hug, and, yet another customer announced his love for my sister, and happily asked that we all meet up again in 4-6 weeks to re-convene. "RI! Get back in the chair!" yelled my sister, and I hopped back in.
     Eventually, my hair was finished, and I was told to get out of the chair, and my girls were put to work helping her close down the salon for the night. I was fluffing my hair in the mirror, and checking it all out. "Thanks Bri! It looks great! I love it!"
     "Oh. By the way - it's purple in the back." she said casually as she walked by.
      "WHAT? Give me a mirror!" and, low and behold - I have decidedly purple hair under layers of blonde highlights and brown. It manages to look wonderful, while still keeping me professional. Just incredible.
   
     My sister is like that Soup Nazi on Seinfeld. She has absolutely thrown people out of her salon. She has a nearly cult like following, and, her customers adore her like no other. It's amazing. As incredible as that girl is with hair, I am not sure why she isn't wealthy and commanding a top salary. Most of her customers hug her before they leave, even her pediatric customers.


     Anyhow. If nothing else - my hair will look fabulous for my brother's wedding tonight. I also need to tell my mother she looks fabulous - as - she popped into the salon while we were there, and I said "Have you tried on your dress yet?" I MEANT to say "Does it look fabulous, (or awesome)?" but, couldn't pick an adjective, and  it came out "Does it look awful?" to my mother's horror, and my sister's howls of laughter. It doesn't matter if my poor mother wears tonight - I have to assure her it's amazing.


     Have a great weekend!

My Phone Thinks My Kids Need Behavior Training

     The Fourth of July Holiday was pretty low key. It was sort of not optional, because, as soon as I put my van into "park" in my driveway after work Monday, it completely died. Like: Dead.
     The resident mechanic narrowed it down to either an alternator or a battery, and, first thing in the morning on the 4th of July, headed to a near-ish parts store. And came home with an alternator and a battery. After a morning full of inventive language, every single word of which George happily stood next to him and lapped up ("MOM! You should HEAR the words Dad is saying!!!!!" "Yeah. I imagine they are going to get worse, kiddo.") the van was eventually put back together and running again.
     I was sitting in it, re-programing my clock, when it began to make terrible noises. The language surpassed pg-13 and headed right into R  and Mature rated, as Bearded Man hauled out a mauled belt that had just disintegrated. Which entailed tearing the van apart again, and heading 20 miles away to the parts store again.


     Anyhow. By the time the van was fixed, we really weren't in the mood to go anywhere, and, you know what? It feels darn nice to just stay home with no place to go, so, we were just going to sit at home and enjoy the relative break. Until, of course, we wandered around the corner later, to watch some fireworks at a friend's house. But otherwise, we were staying put.
     It was an added bonus, that my sister and niece wandered over for a few hours. Happily, my sister and I sat out on the patio, feet kicked up, and chatted for a few hours.
     We talked about everything, like we normally do. The excitement of one of our brother's weddings this approaching Friday, Back to school shopping, pets, kids, housework, our jobs. You know. Just chit chat. All the while, our cell phones were casually thrown on the table at our elbows.
     A few different times, we were talking about our kids. Getting them to do chores, or, sibling arguments, different funny stories. George was playing nearby, and I had to keep telling him to stop tormenting his brother, stop throwing the ball into the neighbor's yard, no,  you may not use the dog's run as a zip line. You know. George stuff.


     Eventually, my sister and niece went home, and we began to make dinner. I noticed my phone was blinking, and picked it up to check a Facebook message. As soon as I opened Facebook, I got the creeps, but laughed outright. I called my sister:


     "Bri! I need to tell you a story."


     "Okay."


     "A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of our brothers, and he was telling me his phone is creeping him out. He told me that smart phones listen to you, as well as track  you. If you happen to be inside Kohl's - bam! There are Kohl's ads on your social media. If you talk about something - what do you know - that same thing just happens to appear in your social media ads - or, really, whatever app you might have that has ads. Or even if you look up a news website."


     "What??? That is SO creepy!"


     "He said he started paying attention, because, he was talking about something recently at his job, and, low and behold, there was ads for a subject that normally wouldn't be there, and he started watching what he said around his phone, to test it out. Sure enough - there were ads that connected to recent conversations! So, I said, 'you know, you are right?? Just the other day, I was talking to Bearded Man about a TV show he was watching, and, the next day, I was really surprised to see a blip on either Facebook or MSN, regarding exactly what I had said! The wording was verbatim to what we had said the night before!!!' So, we started testing it out, and,  Kaila and I were noticing the same things!"


     "Wow." said my sister "You know, now that you say that, I have noticed the same stuff, but, not really made the connection before."


     "Well, anyhow, you know how we were talking about our kids, and I was trying to keep George in line while you were here? And all the conversations about when the kids argue or trying to get them to do chores sometimes?"


     "Yeah?"


     "I am going to send you a screen shot, okay?"

     "Okay."


And I sent her a screen shot of an ad for this:

The 1 Simple “Switch Around” Trick

That Eliminates Your Child’s Defiant Behavior

You’re already a great parent. You’ve done the hard part. Getting your kids to realize it is much easier than you think. This Free Guide shows you The 1 Simple “Switch Around” Trick that other confident parents are already using to eliminate defiance and build better relationships with their children.

(Or discover more first)

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When it comes to dealing with a defiant, argumentative child, you need a definitive plan of action plus the proven tools to help you quickly and dramatically take charge of negative behaviors. Without screaming, punishing, and pleading!
Behavior Management Coaching delivers the exact tools and skills you need to deal with a defiant child or one showing signs of ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). Our mission is to help desperate, frustrated, stressed out, and exhausted parents make real changes in their child’s behavior.

Our proven, easy-to-follow parenting techniques help you discover:

• How to stop constant defiance and power struggles without a barrage of punishments
• The secret to ending constant arguments, bickering and yelling
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• What it takes to stop verbal or physical aggression, name-calling, threatening and anger issues
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Picking up the conversation again, we were both laughing but we were both a little shaken by this. "We talked about Vodka and Captain Morgan, Ri. Why didn't we get ads for those?" Pointed out my sister.


     "I know, right? The kids aren't going to change, so, why not really help us out, and give us alcohol coupons?"


     "We talked about jobs and bills and being stay at home moms - why didn't it pick up on how to be a stay at home mom?"


     "Nope. Apparently our phones think our kids are a real problem."


Since that conversation, I've noticed ads for new cars. (Apparently my phone has had enough of my van's nonsense, and is recommending a nice SUV) and, ads for new laptops, after we had a conversation about whether we should let Joe use his savings to buy his own computer.


  
Anyhow, feeling a little foolish, I left my phone at home later that evening, when we wandered around the block to a friend's home for fireworks. I explained what had happened, and she nodded and told me I was not a person who sounded like they wore aluminum foil on her head. She described the same experience that a friend of hers had with a smart TV. He tested it in front of other people, and talked about spaghetti. The TV played a commercial for spaghetti sauce almost immediately. He mentioned a specific brand of soap, and, the TV played a commercial for that brand of soap.


     I don't know. It's almost fascinating, to see what my online ads are for anymore. I went through and turned off every app permission I could possible turn off, and still have a working phone, but, the ads continue to happen.


     Anyone else out there notice this? Creepy? Or, a sign of the times? Big Brother, or, over reacting conspiracy theorist? Crazy, or, "Now that you say that... you're right???" Normally I am the first person to roll my eyes at things like this, but, seriously. Pay attention! Maybe you will notice it too!

    

We Shall Now Celebrate "Removal Day"

     The kids survived their surgeries! It was rough for the first week or so, but, Lexi and George both seem to be improving daily.
     Thankfully I had Kaila with me to help out. She was able to stay with Lexi while I waited for George's surgery, so I could be there when he was done. George was getting wheeled up to recovery as Lexi was getting wheeled down. We met in the hallway and switched kids, which worked out perfectly. It was after Lexi's surgery, when Kaila and I were marveling over Lexi's green/yellow palor and utter stillness, that I let George play with my phone again. You would think I would have learned, but, clearly I have not. He managed to put through an entire Amazon order, pay for it with my account, and confirm it after sending, before I knew what he was doing.
     His order for a gold fidget spinner was canceled immediately, by the way.


     It was so nice, actually, getting to stay at home with my kids for a week. The envy I felt for stay at home moms was huge, as I got ready to come back to work the first day. Which was compounded by several sobbing phone calls from George, begging me to come home and be with him. And lots of "I neeeeeeeed you!!!!" "I need you here to snuggle with me!" "You need to come home right now!!!!!!!!" Which, of course, ramped the "mom guilt" up considerably. So, I gave the kids my coveted password to my Notebook. That same password has been happily repeated by George to anyone who would care to listen, and, which will be changed as soon as possible. The Notebook distraction seemed to work long enough to get George through the worst of me going back to work during painful recovery.


     While schedules seem to have settled down around here, we are still pretty busy overall. Yesterday, Bearded Man and I went grocery shopping and stood in the grocery store, mentally calculating the cost of strawberries there vs picking them in one of the local fields. "Jasin. I think it's actually less expensive to get them here. We could buy two flats of strawberries here for the same cost as one flat that we pick."
     "So. You want me to put them in the buggy?"
     "I don't know. We are going to be so busy - I don't know when I would make jam."
     "So. No strawberries, then?"
     "Well. You really can't beat the cost... and they won't last long here at this price...."
     "So, put them in the buggy?"
     "Well. It really does come down to time. When am I going to make jam?"
     "So. No berries, then?"
     "I hate to pass them up..."
     "So, berries?"
     "No time!"
     "No berries?"
     "I really should get them though. I love homemade jam! I would have to get lots of sugar, and lids for the cans. And pectin, which costs a small fortune, in order to make huge batches of jam..."
     "Are we getting berries or not??"
     "I am going to really regret walking away from these berries."
     "Make. Up. Your. Mind."
     "Jeez, Jasin! No need to get grouchy about it!"
     "Why don't you think about it, and we can come back if you want them?"
     "Okay."


     I didn't get the berries, and I am still regretting it. So, to try and squelch the guilt from that, I took the three older kids to go picking peas yesterday. We love fresh peas so much. Especially Joe, who could eat them all day every day. But, just peas that we've picked. Never store bought. Because, he's Joe. That's why.
     We picked 26.5 pounds of peas yesterday. And, conversations went all over the place, as we bent over the plants.
     "Mom. You know, we don't have 'birthdays', right?" remarked one child
     "What?"
     "We weren't really birthed."
     "I happened to be there, as you were all ripped screaming from the womb, kiddo."
     "Exactly. We were removed, not birthed, because we were all C-sections."
     "True. I suppose you were removed. Forcibly, at that."
     "So, we should celebrate 'Removal Day' instead."
     "I would write that on a cake with zero hesitation."
     "It just sounds so harsh! Like, 'Hey, this baby has to go, so, we are going to hack it out of my body'"
     "Like a growth." I agreed.
     "I like the sound of "Removal Day" piped up another kid. "It just sounds cooler"
     "It kinda does, really."
     "But it also sounds like we were an unwanted tumor, too." argued another one
    "You do realize that, if your were birthed the normal way, you were going to come out anyway, right?"
     "It's like you didn't want us in your body anymore. We were unwanted."
     "Seriously? I love all my little tumors so much, and am happy you were all born/removed safely. Which was the point  of the C-sections."
     "You're kind of crazy, mom."


     Anyhow, we talked and we laughed and we picked peas. And then we went  home and sat outside for a few hours, shelling all the peas, and listening to music. Kaila offered to DJ the proceedings with her speaker and a playlist. Every so often I would hear "Oh! That's a bad one. Profanity and stuff. You can't listen to that one." as she skipped songs.
     "You know, Kaila. If you can't listen to it in front of your mother - you probably shouldn't be listening to it. Just saying."
     "I know. They just sound different when you hear them in front of your parents..."
     "I felt the same way the first time I watched "Grease" with my kids. I still cringe thinking about it."


     Overall, it was a good day. Next up: Wedding stuff! Two of my little brothers are getting married (I say little, but, really, while I am older, they tower over me at obscene heights.) One is getting married this weekend, followed by a bridal shower for my youngest brother's fiancé. All of this will be a little bitter sweet, as, we acknowledge the one year anniversary of our Dad's passing, all on the same weekend. I am so glad that we will be together this weekend, and celebrating the happy. I think he would have appreciated that.


     Anyhow, these blogs are choppily written in 2-5 minute segments around breaks at work; that being said, I realize they are often crazy and riddled with mistakes that I cringe reading when I look at them later. And, since break time is once again over - I need to close it out and hope for the best once again.
     Have a great 4th of July!