The whirlwind craziness of our schedules has reached fever pitch at our house. I will be so happy when school is out and baseball wraps up. We are all ready for a break. As soon as I have a moment, and I can wrangle my kids all to one spot, there needs to be a "Come To Jesus" chat with my kids regarding chores. This morning, as I ran out the door, I hollered for the girls to come down stairs. "Mom! I am in the middle of contouring my face!" wailed Kaila dramatically.
"Seriously. George's baseball uniform is in the washer. He has a game tonight. Make sure the laundry is in the dryer before you all leave for school! PLEASE!!!!! And, seriously - pick up this damn house!!!"
"Fine. Flip laundry." and, back up the stairs they sailed.
In a two second flash, I looked around the house, and just couldn't deal with the mess. I haven't been home in days, nor am I forecasted to be home for any appreciable amount of time in the near future.
"Mom. You cannot curse at the house, by calling it a 'damn house' " Joe piped up. "It is a nice home and a shelter for your family."
"UGH!" I said, and left for work. Only to be called two minutes later to come back home, because Joe's shoes were in my van.
Comments from my children regarding the current chaos range as such:
- Someday, your house will be clean and everything will be perfect, but we will all be moved out and you will be sad.
- A messy house is just a lived in home!
- Dad doesn't clean anything or do housework, and I am a man too, so, I am not, either.
- I DID sweep the floor! Why are you accusing me of not?
- I shouldn't have to do the dishes because
- Am exhausted
- It's my birthday
- I wasn't home last night
- I don't feel good
- I have to be somewhere in an hour
- My head is pounding
- I think I might throw up
- I always have to do everything!!!
- I forgot I have homework
- I am so tired. Please don't make me
- This is slave labor
- I really think I am probably dying.
- I didn't eat that dinner, so I shouldn't have to wash the dishes from it
- I always have to be the one to pick up! Someone else should do it
- You are always telling us to get outside and play in the fresh air, so, I will just be outside
- I know it's clean the house day, but, Dad is taking us fishing
- out and out sobbing.
I don't even know anymore. And, of course, in this Social Media driven world - there are oh! So many perfect Mamas out there, who manage to feed their children only the healthiest foods, work out, keep their houses clean, look perfect every day, and post amazing pics of their successful lives as the perfect wives/mothers/housekeepers/working women while fitting in fun activities with their kids in their spare time. I have no idea what the secret to this perfection is. I can only imagine there's probably sorcery involved. It's really the only answer I can come up with. Either way, I cannot come even a little bit close to those expectations.
Anyhow. My house is a mess, and I don't have the time to clean it in the near future. Tomorrow, on my normal "clean the house day" Kaila has her required 5 hour driving course. After a whirlwind week of celebrating Kaila's Sweet 16, she was able to take and pass her Learner's Permit Driving Test, and is now begging to drive every time we go someplace. And every time I think I have two seconds to sit down. And, pretty much every time I get out of my vehicle after work. Her first day on the roads was pretty scary, but, I thought I remained overall calm as we hurtled around the back roads near our house for an hour. I would calmly say "Kaila. Honey. Stay on the road. Kaila. You are getting too close to the edge. Kaila. Ease it back over. Honey, you really need to just get back on the road. If you go off the road and you're going too fast, you are going to get into an accident. Kaila. Get. On. The. Road. KAILA! I mean, Kaila. Honey. You're doing great. Just, you know. Get on the road. Keep it on the road. Ease it over."
"I need music to concentrate!"
"Really, you should keep your hands on the wheel and concentrate."
"This isn't dance music. I can't dance to this."
"You shouldn't be dancing while driving anyway. Please get back on the road"
"AWWW! Look at that cute dog over there!!!!"
"DON'T look at ANY dogs unless they are going to run in front of you, and please make sure you are not driving off the road. Like, right now. Because, you aren't on the road."
"OOOOHHHHH NOOOOOO!!!!! I RAN OVER A CHIPMONK! It's my first day driving and I have already started slaughtering poor innocent animals!"
"Kaila. I am so sorry. But, please, pull back over to your left, and stay off the side of the road."
"Another dog! He's so cute!"
"Please look at the road and not dogs."
"You're lookin a little tense over there, Doll Face. Are you tense?"
"Of course not!" (Clutching the arm rest and the door handle desperately while leaning to the left as if I could make the van stay on the road that way) "You are doing a terrific job! Really!"
I staggered out of my van with rubbery shaking legs and the insane urge to vomit, but, we made it back home in one piece. I left shortly after that to catch part of George's baseball game. As I stepped out of my van at the baseball field, a coach from another team happened to walk by. "You okay?" he asked in concern, "My daughter got her Learner's Permit today. We just got back from her first time out with me. I am feeling sort of nauseous."
"Hahaha! Well. At least your hair is still red, and not all gray from it."
"It probably is under whatever color my sister uses."
"Good Luck!"
Anyhow, days two, three and four were much more successful, and, Kaila seems to really have a knack for it, so, I anticipate she will do just fine. She has a car already, and all the money for the car saved up - she just needs to hand it over, and the car is hers. But, she needs to pay for the registration and insurance, so, she has been advised to hit pavement and get a job. Applications to area businesses will be filled out in the fairly near future, I think. I am not sure how I ended up with a 16 year old who is driving, owns a car and will be getting a job all of a sudden. Wasn't she just a toddler yesterday, and pedaling her tricycle?? It's crazy how fast time flies.
My kids are right, you know. Some day, my house will be clean, because everyone will be moved out, and I will be so sad.
Ah well. For all of you mamas out there that aren't perfect either, I hope you know you are in good company here!
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