George Goes to the Doctor

     In the general chaos of life around here lately, we've been also gearing up for two surgeries stuck right in the middle of things. (While insane schedules continue to spiral out of control around us in the process.)
     Lexi and George will both be heading into the local outpatient surgery center next week to have various things removed. Tonsils for George, as, he continues to wake up with breathing issues and laryngospasms, and, tonsils and adenoids for Lexi, as we prepare for approximately two million dollars worth of orthodontia treatment. The other day, I left work early, picked George up from school, Lexi up from home, and headed right back in to Olean for their pre-op appointment. As soon as we walked in,  George zeroed in on a very very tiny dwarf woman (Is that PC? I said "Oriental" the other day and was met with gasps of "You can't SAY that!!!!!" And, I honestly was all "I can't?" "NO! Because that's offensive, because rugs are oriental, too!" "What?") anyhow, there was a very tiny woman in the waiting room. George didn't comment on this, but, did ask to play on my phone. (I recently read an article condemning parents who let their kids play on their phones in waiting rooms. Shut up. These are usually re-posted by people who have no children.) Anyhow, George was playing with my phone while we waited. Eventually, he lost interest in my phone, and began to look around. He still did not mention the tiny woman sitting in the waiting room, to my never ending relief. He watched a doctor through a window, and announced loudly that "The doctor is in there just playing on his phone. That is unprofessional!" to the waiting room in general. It was a long wait. Eventually, a very small man came out of an exam room, and George perked up. Mentally, I begged him to not comment. Please do not comment, I prayed silently, watching him out of the corner of my eye. The tiny man checked out, and then assisted the tiny woman and her not so tiny purse out of her chair, and they walked out. "Mom!" whispered George "Those were some very little people!" I watched the rest of the waiting people strain to hear what he was saying, after they had been observing him for the last half hour, they were all probably pretty sure it wouldn't be dull. "That's because God only lets people grow till they're perfect!" I whispered back with sudden inspiration. "So, do you think I will stop growing pretty soon, then?" asked George.


     Eventually we were brought back to the exam room. Where George continued to be George. The pre-op person came in just as I burst out "WHAT??!!!" as George had just finished telling me he has been going to the boys room at school and using water to give himself a Mohawk. He also requested a tattoo - again.
     The specialist looked at George and said "Oh, honey, you better be very sure of what sort of tattoo you get, and you should really think it over before you decide. I had a tattoo when I was married to one of my husbands. We belonged to a motorcycle gang, and, my husband died. After he died, the gang told me either I have the tattoo removed, or, they would cut it off my body. So, I was forced to have it removed. You know what it feels like, when you fall and scrape your knee? Well, that's how they remove tattoos - one layer of skin at a time. Scraping the skin layer by layer. It was so painful! But, I had to have it done, or they would have come after me and removed it in a way worse way! So, really think about it before you commit to one!" she said to my 7 year old "Okay, now, I need to look in your mouth, open wide!" Which was a useless request, because, at that point, all of our mouths were open very wide.
     Anyhow, when all was said and done, both of the kids were cleared for surgery next week, and we hustled home to get Joe ready for his baseball game.
     It wasn't until after the kids finally went to bed for the night, that I happened to notice that George had done more than play motorcycle games on my phone. There were lots of silly faced selfies, a picture of the tiny woman sitting in the waiting room (The embarrassment at this is unbelievable) and, a video of himself using the bathroom (taken from the chest-up) while he talked to the phone in running commentary.
 
     Before the kids went to bed that  night, Lexi handed me one of the last assignments she had done before school ended for the year. It was an "article" written by herself, but about herself, so, in the third person. It described Lexi's home life, friends, hobbies... It concluded with: "...she also wants to become a wife, in a mansion, with a butler, and a limo.... she wants to live in New York City and celebrate life.... she has very reasonable hopes and dreams." she told me that her teacher laughed outright when she read it, and gave her a "100" on the spot.
     Joe read it this morning impassively and remarked "She does realize that she could possibly have all that when she's about 70, after working her butt off her whole life, right?"
     I don't know about that. As flamboyant as Lexi is, she is also pretty smart, and, I think capable of whatever she wants to do. This week, she was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society. Lexi being Lexi of course, wore a floor length long sleeved white gown with blue flowers on it, her hair in an up-do complete with sparkling headband tiara, and sparkly silver high heels. She pulled it off beautifully. Surrounded by other girls wearing pretty summer dresses, Lexi stood there in 93 degree weather wearing that long sleeved floor length gown as if she was a Disney Princess. No one expects any differently from her.
 
     Kaila has a car! Kaila was pretty excited about her car, too. Until she realized that it has to sit in the driveway until she can afford to license, register, and insure it. It may also need a new battery, an oil change and a brake line replaced. (All of which the Bearded Man can do.)
     With a car, comes great financial responsibility. So, in the interest of teaching our kid such responsibility, and, to foster appreciation for something she has to pay for herself, we have advised her to go get a job. The job hunt began yesterday. She went to one place, was told they only hire people who are older than 18, and came home again. Today, she has assured us she intends to really hit the pavement and put in applications locally. I have been informed that she is too young to be "adulting", and that she isn't finished "teening" yet. It was pointed out that, if she wanted to be adult enough to own a car, then, she needed to get her teen tush out the door and locate employment. Until then, we will continue to hope that the local code enforcer does not ticket us for an unregistered vehicle in the driveway. Which I suspect is bound to happen pretty much at any moment now.


     I feel like there is so much more happening - and there probably is - but, honestly, I can't keep track of things anymore. We are hoping that with baseball and school winding down within the next week, things will settle down a little, and life will get back to it's usual more manageable pace.