Yesterday, I took the kids and went to Wal Mart. That sentence should inspire nods of immediate understanding in any parent who has ever had children and gone to a store with them.
Lets backtrack a little. It was one of those days that the kids had been put to work doing chores, and helping out with housework - "I know where I REALLY came from! You bought me from the gift shop at a slave mansion!" - Lexi.
The housework done, the kids were getting on each others' nerves, George was miserable, needed a nap and had no intention of taking one, and Joe was following me ALL. DAY. Whatever he had to say, he repeated at least 132 times, and pointed out every grammar slip, argued every other statement out of my mouth, and generally needed to find something, anything, else to do.
Anyway, the kids were miserable, and we needed to run to Wal Mart, half an hour away, and needed to make it quick, as we had to get dinner into the kids, and then go to their baseball/softball award ceremony. And, Joe had $10.50.
We arrive at Wal Mart, and I do the 'haul George through the window with the truck running, as the window situation continues to be at crisis level, and his door does not open, then reach in, close the window, then turn the truck off while trying to keep George from running off, while the other three children argue about various things', routine. And of course, Joe reeeeaaaaly wanted to spend his $10.50.
Upon entering Wal Mart, I explain to Joe, (The "Because I said so" line does not work with that child. Either take the time to explain yourself, or deal with hours/days of arguments and questions. I realize that every single parent/non parent/or person able to read this is shaking their head in disgust, as this is such a huge example of textbook Bad Parenting, but, you know what? You don't know this kid. He won't stop, otherwise. If this makes you feel better about your own parenting, then, I am willing to take one for the team and be all Bad Parent, so you can be all Good Parent. We good? Okay.) I explain to Joe, that we do not have time for him to browse and spend his money, but, that I need to go back Saturday Morning, so, he can spend his money then.
What about a banana? Can I just buy a banana?
No.
It's healthy, and good for me! I can just grab it now, and it won't take ANY extra time at all!
No.
How about ice cream? Can I buy myself some ice cream?
No.
What about if I buy some for everybody?
No.
Can I buy this guy? I have enough money!
No.
Mom, This is not taking any extra time. If I get it while we are walking by, you will not even have to stop!
NO!
Mom. How about socks? Can I buy myself socks?
NO!
Mom. I think I need socks.
I said NO. I just bought you socks, recently!
I have enough for these Legos! Can I buy them?
No.
Can I buy myself just one $0.99 box of candy?
NO!!!
Look. If I just buy these two boxes of tic tacs and a pack of gum....
Joseph!!! Please, stop!
My head was POUNDING. The other three were okay, George was confined to the shopping cart, due to a foot injury (and subsequent Urgent Care visit, in which it was determined he will live and not need an amputation, contrary to his drama, refusal to walk, screaming in pain, and general behaviors of someone in need of an imminent amputation and lengthy ICU stay....) and the girls were okay, as far as I recall. And, while trying to tune out Joe, I was wondering how bad of an example it would be for my kids, if I pulled my phone out and took a few pics of people that I could submit to the "People of Wal Mart" site. While contemplating this, I notice that people are kind of staring. But, since I am trying really hard not to scream in frustration at my 8 year old, who is JUST. NOT. STOPPING., I notice and then shrug. I cannot think why people could be staring. But, they were. And, in the back of my head, I kind of wonder why. But, Joe is tripping along dogging my every step with a constant barrage of begging and questions, so, I don't really care too much why. I was mentally calculating the distance to the tylenol section, and wondering if we had time.....
We make it to the checkout, to more begging, and general misery among the children. And more people staring.
"Joe!" I hiss, "You NEED to just stop. I SAID you could spend your money Saturday, now knock.it.off!!!!!" I say as quietly and sternly as possible.
I notice another mom, pushing a cartful of three screaming children, with a vacant, weary look on her face, and feel a pang of sympathy.
Out to the truck we go, listening to fighting over who gets to sit where, causing lots of screaming, crying, and shrieking. Going right. through. my. head. I could not take it any longer. Everyone piled in, and the shrieking continued. Mostly from Joe.
"JOSEPH!!!!!!! FOR. THE. LOVE. OF. GOD. AND. ALL. HIS. LITTLE. CHILDREN!!!!!! SHUT. UP!!!!!!!!!!" I completely screech, top of my lungs, hands gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles.
Then I look up, and there is the other mom, with the three screaming children. Glaring at me viciously. "Oh yeah?" I mutter, "Bet you want to scream at your little darlings too, lady, so don't you dare judge! Keep looking at me in that tone of voice, and I am going to scream at you, too."
Lord. On to the gas station, where it was realized it was 7-11 at 7-11, and free Slurpee day. Sigh. Haul George out of the window throw him back through the window, get him all buckled in, to hear, "Now I gotta go potty!" back through the window, and back into the 7-11, where people are still starting. I don't even care anymore. I just need to go home and find the Tylenol.
Once in the bathroom with George, I happen to catch myself in the mirror, and see the reason for the stares.
Alrightly then. This is why people are staring. Not only am I the obnoxious bad screaming mother, but, I look like THIS. I AM Wal Mart people. How the heck many people wanted to, (or did), take pictures of me for the Wal Mart people site. Lovely. Just lovely.
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