I now have an "in" as to why so many 'offed' people end up in their vehicles at the bottom of various bodies of water. I understand completely, and have a newfound respect for the thought process. It is not only completely reasonable, but, the only really rational thing to do. Unless they decide to set it afire, instead. That is another good option. But probably not as satisfying as the sight and sound of a vehicle hitting the water. It's probably quite the rush.
As a matter of fact, I imagine I myself would take unholy delight, in watching my truck hit a large body of water right now. If there happen to be any mobsters at all reading this, any tips for good areas of water to push a large SUV, would be appreciated. In box me. We'll chat. I will make spaghetti. I heard mobsters like spaghetti.
On to my purpose for wanting to throw my truck into the first body of water large enough to cover it.
I went grocery shopping after work this past Saturday. I hate grocery shopping anyway, but I REALLY hate doing it after work. I am too tired to think, too tired to care about coupons, too tired to look for sales and deals, and too tired to think about the weekly menu in my head as I go. Added to this, we were having Joe's birthday party the next day, and I needed to do THAT shopping, too. And then go home, arriving at 10:00 PM, and make a large sheet cake. Awesomeness.
Around the store I stumbled, chucking whatever looked good into the cart, and trying to decided if I could hold my bladder until I arrived home. Seriously. How does one go to the ladies room, with an entire cart full of groceries? What if someone walks away with them? And the energy to put them in the truck and walk back in, just was not there.
I know, I know. Tmi. But, there is a point to it. Bear with me.
I finally make it home, and do the whole ' I absolutely can carry all the groceries in in one trip, so lets grab all the bags and hope the circulation in my hand is restored before I lose a finger or two' thing. We all do it. And, where the heck was bearded man? I had just talked to him, half a mile from home and told him I would be home in a minute! So, bouncing up and down, I throw the groceries on the kitchen table, and find Jasin, to ask him to grab the rest, so I could finally get my poor kidneys to stop hurting.
I never gave it a further thought. I was now officially off for 5 whole days, and I had no intention of leaving my house, short of a fire or medical emergency. I baked the birthday cakes, and went to bed. In an air conditioned bedroom, as the temps were climbing into the upper 80's, low 90's.
The next day, we pulled off one of the coolest birthday parties I have ever thrown. At least, I thought so. There was a mud pit and everything. The kids were gloriously filthy and full of red juice and cheese puffs. Some of the most disgusting things ever created. Why kids love these things I will never know. Add them to the list of guilt inducing things we give our children occasionally. Cringe, and get it out of your system.
Anyhow, Sunday was great. Hot and humid and full of water, mud and awful things to eat, guaranteed to stunt growth, lower IQ, and rot teeth. The kids loved it.
Monday was another scorcher, and I spent the day deep cleaning. And tearing down all the wallpaper in my bedroom, and laundering every piece of clothing my sons own, and straitening their bedroom. I was on a roll. Tuesday I planned to tackle the girls' bedroom. This would be an all day
affair. It really needed the team from "Hoarders" to do it. But, I didn't have time to write the show, so I figured I would take a crack at it.
Only, I woke up to my bedroom spinning wildly and a terrible migraine. When i get'em, I get 'em. And this was guaranteed to be a doozy. Oh no.
There was hope, though! I was supposed to hear from the VA that day, about a
Clinic job way closer to home, mostly Monday thru Friday, with normal hours. Which would really help out the family life. Much as I love the surgical floor at the hospital, this really would be a godsend.
I found I didn't get it. (Insert colorfully worded mental thoughts here.) ah well, I really love my job, and, working extra will not kill me. Still. Woulda been nice.
A book. I needed a book. I had one in my truck, in my nursing bag. As well as 2 chocolates. Maybe the caffeine from the chocolate would help my head. It was miserable and still spinning. Oh yes, and my Tylenol was out there, too. Out I went. And within a few feet of my truck, came to the conclusion that someone had obviously broken in and left at least 13 bodies in my vehicle. It was that bad. And that, is when I found out what happens when a family sized package of chicken - bone in - is left in a vehicle to bake for several days. The smell, and the flies and the truly horror of it; there are no adequate words in the English language to describe it.
The rest of the day is a blur. I tried to clean the girls' room. My tea drinking friend, Sue, and her kids came over. And all I could smell was my truck, and my head began to pound harder, and I became very very ill. My truck was now full of flies, and all doors were open, to no avail.
And that is when I decided this was why we push it into the water. Fire is too good for it. And the bearded man? You know, the one who forgot the chicken? " it doesn't smell THAT bad....."
The most expensive purse I have ever owned, my nursing bag, it's contents. Everything smells like dead bodies. How am I supposed to drive this thing to work? And put children in it?
I have tried everything. Febreze, vinegar, baking soda, bleach, Scentsy bars, air freshener, leaving it wide open.... My truck smells like an unattended hearse broken down in Death Valley.
Insisting on a new vehicle was not even acknowledged. I can deal with the door next to the carseat that has not opened in years - thus hauling George in and out the window to buckle into and retrieve out of car seats. The broken AC, the broken CD player, and the broken 4x4 in blizzard conditions. This smell, I am not so sure I can deal with. Everyone has limits. Everyone. Even God. It is well documented in biblical history, what happens when He reaches limits. People drown, women get turned to salt.... Well, that's all I can think of, but I'm sure there is probably more in there someplace. Please do not in box me with other examples.... Limits, remember? And don't forget the chocolate that was ruined with the corpse smell. I am kinda at the whole limit thing, currently. If you want to send chocolate or cooking wine, you can do that, though. Because of those limits. It might help. Me, not my truck. I don't think it can be helped anymore.
Anyhow. That was my good deed for the day. Explaining why it is necessary to throw cars with dead people into the water. It's just better for everybody. Well, except for the dead person, but, you know, everyone else.
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