The kids' school has been fundraising for a new play ground. And, one of the fund raisers was a Mother Son Dance, that took place last night. I thought this was such a sweet idea, and immediately decided to try and get off of work, or out early, to attend this with Joe. I also decided to buy him a rose to wear on his vest. This was going to be so sweet! So, $5.00 for the ticket, and we were good to go.
I didn't have anything to wear, so, there was an additional $50.00 for a dress. After presenting my boss with a detailed note as to why I wanted the day off, and staffing numbers for the day; she said I still needed to come in and work 4 hours. Okay. So, I ordered Joe's flower for pickup on my way home.
Arrive at work yesterday morning, and, We are over staffed! So, I have awesome co-workers who voted to let me go home. $25.00 in gas.
Remember that I have no dress shoes, and grab a pair in the right size that look about right, in the store at work, on my way out the door. $20.00
Go home, and, a few hours later, double back 18 miles, to get Joe's flower. Take George, who is reminded and begged, to please go potty before we leave. Nope. Doesn't have to go. Get 3/4 of the way there; guess who is crying and begging to pee RIGHT NOW!!!! Of course.
Swing into my friend, Becky's house, and go running through her door, pushing George ahead of me, yelling, "Sorry Beck! He's gotta pee!!!" On my way through. Becky is my best friend since I was 18, and, even though I haven't actually seen her in the better part of a year, she stepped aside in total understanding. She's awesome that way.
Stay to visit, because, we were there, and had the time, and it's always fun. Suddenly realize we need to leave this minute, or we will be late picking the kids up from school. And discover that my glasses are gone. Gone, gone. As in, nowhere. As in, this is catastrophic. As in, I have to drive to Buffalo for the next three days, and work 12.5 hour shifts, and I CANNOT not have my glasses. This is not okay. But, I need to go, and cannot look for them any longer. Tear my purse, truck and nursing bag apart; no glasses. Call the eye glass place in a panic, and describe my predicament. They are able to fit me in at 4:45. The dance is at 5:30. Okay. We can do this. Round trip gas money? $10.00
Back to Franklinville, pick up the kids, rush home, get into full evening gear, don dress, and realize; I have a farmer's tan. And a strappy shoulder gown. And I look alltogether ridiculous. And this dress looked way better in the flattering lights of the store. Oh no. Now what do I do?? I don't have time for anything else. So, I decide to roll with it, and head down to do hair and makeup and all that. Put together, I tell Joe to get ready to get in the truck, realize it's pouring rain, and grab my umbrella. Put on the shoes that I had just bought that morning and realize they are the highest heels I have ever owned. I mean, these things were HIGH. And, my feet were at an angle normaly achieved only by ballarenas after years of training. Completely vertical. I wear sneakers, or I am barefoot. I rarely do heels. I absolutely do not ever wear heels that make me look like I am walking en pointe. OMG!!!! What am I going to DO??? What CAN I do? I need to get to the eye doctor's. So, tippy toeing out the doorin these shoes, thru the rain we go, lurching and clutching onto whatever I can find, while trying to pretend I am completely confident, and in complete control of the situation, and walk on heels way higher than this every day. In my head, I was sure it looked like I owned those heels, with a confident swagger. In reality, I probably resembled a drunken zoo animal with silly tan lines.
Arrive at the eye doctor, in full evening wear, tottering in while desperately trying not to be obvious, while I looked for things to grab as I walked. Present my new insrance card, and get called to the side. That is NEVER a good thing.
Good news and bad news, Moriah.
Hell.
You have amazing insurance! Covers EVERYTHING! Designer frames, lenses, all the bells and whistles.
But?
We cannot make them here. It will take 7-10 days.
NO!!!!
BUT! We can cut you a great deal on glasses that can be ready tomorrow!
UGH. How much?
Only $164.99!
Okay. I will take them both. I am always losing glasses.
Yes, pipes in Joe, She is literaly always losing her glasses. You need to sell her a special case for them. And maybe a chain, to wear around her neck. You need to sell her everything you have, literaly, or, she will just keep losing her glasses.
Your mom is a loser, huh? Always losing stuff? Sympathizes the glasses seller.
Yes. Literaly.
What about contacts? She asks me
I just cannot make myself put my fingers in my eyes. I tried a few years ago. It was pretty traumatic. I need glasses.
So. It was decided I needed a stronger prescription, and the specticals were ordered, and my poor over used bank card was swiped once again.
And, it was another $10.00 in gas.
Mom, this IS a date, right?
Yes, Joe.
Don't you think we should do dinner then? I was thinking Burger King...
Another $10.00
Off to the dance.
Run through the rain, get inside, and line up to have our picture taken. And, it's our turn. And the photograper bagan to look worried.
Ummmm. Okay. Maybe we can have joe sit on a stool in front of you? Hmmm. No, no. Try kneeling, Joe. No. nnnnno. Ummm. Okay. Well. Let's try to get a chair for mom...
It's the silly shoes, isn't it? I can take them off...
No no. Here. Sit. Oh God. Well. Hmmm. Ummmmm. Okay. Joe, you sit here, on the stool next to Mom.
Oh no. Do I really look THAT bad?? (No one else had these problems. No one.)
No no, of course.....not. Ummm. Okay. Well. Hmmm. Okay, lets just keep taking puctures.... Joe. Please stop moving. Okay. OH MY GOD! Oh. Wow. Well. We can just keep taking pictures, but.......
Wow. These are just awful. Hmmm. I just don't know what to do. I never ever photo shop, and don't know how to, but, I will find someone, and we will just try to find a good one of you, and one where Joe is not moving, and try and put them together... I just. Wow. I just don't know what else to do..... Ummm.
Oh for heaven's sake. Do what you can, or skip it all together. I'm good either way. I say, and hop up, trying to ignore that line of curious mothers, and feeling completely awful looking. This day just needs to end. I need to find a fairy God Mother. I need to go home and see if there is any cooking wine left. I never ever take good pictures. Ever.
Joe spent a good portion of the dance in the corner eating candy, looking uncomfortable. The rose didn't last long, before the pins were poking him, so, that came off. About half an hour before it all ended, he relaxed, and started to have fun. He even slow danced with me TWICE. And I tried so hard, to ignore all the cameras flashing at us. I cannot even think about where those pictures may end up. I really cannot. I looked that awful.
The Grand Total for the day?
$294.99
Trying not to cry, while dancing with the cutest almost 8 year old ever, while "Don't Ever Grow Up" played, as he informed me I was the most Beautiful Mom ever? Absolutely Priceless.
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