"No. You May NOT Smack Your Sister With a Bible."

     Easter has come and gone. It culminated with the first Baseball practice of the season also falling on Holy Thursday. Since I occasionally try to not go to hell, I thought it would be a good thing if I hit up church that evening. Kaila and Lexi came with me, and, as we settled into our pew, I thought how nice it would be to have an entire church experience that did not involve keeping George under control. He can read now, and loves to look at me with a smirk as he sings all the responses in the most sarcastic and loud opera voice he can manage, while mimicking the hand movements of the priest. Or, the new favorite "Mom. It says here not to take this book out of the pew." holds out outside the pew into the aisle "It's outside the pew mom." "Knock it off, George."
     I also did not have to try and keep Bearded Man awake, either. It was kind of a double win. So, it was with resignation that, after hearing one of my teenage daughters whisper to the other fiercely "Where's a Bible??? Cuz I need to smack you with it!" that I made them move to either side of me. I honestly had to separate my teens in church. To clarify: no one was actually smacked with a bible. Or even without a bible.


     Saturday morning brought the long awaited news that April the Giraffe was finally *really* in labor this time, so, we tuned it to watch it. The kids were willing more because it procrastinated "clean the house day" than any other reason. Still. Educational and all that. The boys were not excited about this at all, and were in the midst of yet another argument:
 "JOE! LEAVE GEORGE ALONE!"


"But, he's CHEATING at the game Sorry!!!!!"


 "JOSEPH! He is playing. by. himself. It. does. not. matter."


 "Cheating is cheating mom!"


 "Seriously! STOP! We are trying to watch the miracle of life over here!!!!"


"I do not enjoy Ah Sib Anya, Mom."


"What is Ah Sib Anya?"


"You know. That song at the beginning of The Lion King?"


At which point the girls, began to belt out the opening song of the Lion King, that begins with something that really does sound like "Ahhhhhh Sib Anya!!!!!!!!" (The Circle of Life Song)


The same child stumbled down the stairs this morning as I was headed off to work. "I was lying in bed thinking, Mom. I need to go find the Periodic Table. I need to look at some elements."


"Okay Joe. Have a good day."


"Thanks, Mom."


Easter Sunday began around 3am. "Mom?" called George from my bedroom doorway, "I just had to go downstairs to go potty, and, I don't think the Easter Bunny came this year. There is nothing down there!"


"George. Honey. I am pretty sure he probably did, and just hid everything."


"How do you know *He* is not a *she*, Mom." he demanded suspiciously.


"George. I am not debating the gender of the Easter Bunny with you right now. Go back to bed."


"I don't think I was done going potty. I better go back downstairs and go again now."


Anyhow, eventually all the Easter Baskets were found. Normally the parental units (as we are referred to by Kaila) are notified before imminent Easter/Birthday/Christmas stuff commences, but, this year, the kids found everything on their own. We were honestly kind of happy to be allowed to sleep a little extra.


After church this year, we arrived home to find that the two little boys next door had received new bikes. Of course George went over to inspect them and wondered aloud why there were Walmart stickers on them. Anyhow, the mother of the boys next door, my poor tiny little neighbor, whom we torment mercilessly about her petite height, mourned to me that she had looked into buying a new bike for herself, too, but, the only bikes that fit her height were outfitted with tassels and baskets and Disney characters. Easter Sunday or not, I laughed pretty hard, and assured her we would love nothing more than to see her riding a tasseled Barbie Bike around town.


Easter is probably my very favorite holiday. It is historically spent at our house with my little sister and her kids. This year, we had the added bonus of my nephew who lives out of state, and his wife and daughter visiting! They arrived just as a rain deluge was finishing, and my yard was slightly flooded ("SEE??? FLOODING!!!!!" Pointed out Bearded Man. "Oh, shush.") George and Joe, fully clothed, were splashing, and running in the water/mud of the yard, as well as lying in, rolling around in, and doing belly flops into the water/mud of the yard. "This is sort of typical" I tried to warn them. And we then proceeded to have a seriously fun afternoon. Which was topped off with a visit from the Easter Bunny. George and my nephew's daughter came running into the house waving bags of homemade chocolates, screaming that the Easter Bunny had just come. Running outside, sure enough, there was an Easter Bunny walking over to a house down the street where a little girl lives, Easter Basket full of homemade chocolates in hand/paw. We watched in amazement as the Easter Bunny, seeing us, came back and handed out bags of chocolates to everyone present, and then indicated we should probably take pictures. So, we did.
George pointed out after that, the Easter Bunny had a pink belly and pink shoes on, and was definitely a GIRL, so, I was wrong about it being a boy.


Anyhow. It was a fantastic weekend. George's toe will probably not need to be amputated. Nobody got smacked with a bible - not even Bearded Man when he slept thru the Easter Sunday sermon, the boys got gloriously muddy, I got to see my nephew and his family for the first time in years, and, it was overall a hugely fun day.




Till next time!