I am feeling very let down by my fellow parents. How is it that our school system has had parent and child "Project Know" meetings every single year, and no one has seen fit to EVER talk about it?
For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, Project Know is this fun little 4 day class that introduces 5th and 6th Graders to puberty, reproduction and all those sorts of subjects.
The notice came home a few weeks ago. Parents needed to sign permission slips to indicate if their child(ren) were attending or not. I asked Lexi if she wanted to go again this year. "NO! Now that I am going thru it all, I can tell you that Project Know was completely irrelevant to the actual process and a waste of my time!" Alrighty then. No, Lexi is not going.
I asked Joe. "YES! I have LOTS of questions!" I reminded him I was capable of answering questions, but, he really wanted to attend. So, I signed the slip and promptly forgot about it. With the mental pity to whomever will have to answer his direct and numerous questions. Once Joe is onto a subject, he will not let it go until he knows everything he needs or wants to know about it. This has often taken weeks, if not months of constant quizzing and questions, until he is satisfied. His 5th grade teacher never wants to hear about the Titanic. Ever. NEVER EVER again. Nor does our entire family.
I honestly had no idea that the program had started this week. Neither Lexi nor Joe mentioned it at our nightly dinner discussions about our days.
Last evening, I came home from work, starving after skipping lunch at work, as I was busy all day, and threw together a beef pot pie. It included leftover beef pot roast, veggies, a homemade gravy with cream, and a cheddar herbed crust. I was starving, and at that "hangry" point. I slid it into the oven, and turned around to don yoga pants and a sweatshirt.
"Mom. We need to talk. I had the WORST. DAY. EVER! Also, Dad said that you are the parent that needs to go to the meeting tonight at 6 at the school!" Announced Joe.
"Wait, what? What meeting? It's 5:30 now!"
"The Project Know meeting, Mom! I told Dad about it after school today, and he said that that is something you need to do!"
"Tonight? What? Where is your Father? I need to talk to him." Talk. Scream. Potato. Potahto.
"I had a bad day. I need to talk about this. And you need to get ready for the meeting. It's for parents and children. Also, I have a lot of questions about what we are learning, and they said I could ask them all tonight at the meeting."
"Ummm. What KIND of questions? I can probably answer them for you. I AM a nurse you know. I can help you out. Would you like to talk about it now?"
"You know things about the human body?"
"Yes."
"What is the smallest bone in the human body?"
"Ummmm." Sheer and total blankness. I couldn't think of it for the life of me.
"Clearly you don't know about the human body. We are going to the meeting. Also: The smallest bone in the human body is in the inner ear."
After a discussion about Joe's lousy day, he felt better, and, I put my coat and sneakers back on, as my dinner continued to bake. Ah well.
We arrived at the school and parents filed into the indicated room, children in tow. A screen was set up on the white board, indicating some sort of movie would be played. A woman who I presumed was running the meeting sat at one end of the room scrolling through her phone. People filed quietly in, and, eventually a friend of mine and her daughter slid into the chairs next to Joe and I.
The meeting began with the woman who was running it asking the kids about a 10 piece puzzle they had all put together earlier in the day. Each piece had a word on it. Things like:
Goals
Respect
Puberty
and stuff like that.
"Now kids! WHAT do all these things together signify? That's right! SEXUALITY!!! We are ALL sexual people!"
"Oh Dear Lord." I mumbled.
"Okay now! Who wants to play a GAME?" She hyped enthusiastically. The kids all seemed excited. The parents, not so much. "I have to switch screens here. I put the movie screen up, because I wanted the game to be a SURPRISE!" She said, going to her computer, and clicking a few things. Suddenly, up popped "Puberty Jeopardy".
My eyes closed, and my friend next to me snickered. How is it, that every single year, parents have been subjected to "Puberty Jeopardy" and NOT ONE PERSON has seen fit to mention this?
Anyhow, Puberty Jeopardy thankfully ended after an eternity of parents that mostly looked like they were in the seventh circle of hell, and kids who excitedly shouted out answers.
Then the video began. It was a fun little short film that was narrated by a man and a woman, and had some animated little bits that showed changed to expect with little left to the imagination. The woman running this meeting told the kids they were lucky! They were getting a sneak peak at the film, as, it was going to be played again in it's entirety the very next day in class! Joe announced on the spot that he didn't want to go to school. Also, he felt he should warn his friends that hadn't come to the meeting, what they were in for, so they could stay home too.
After the video, and the feeling that we had been kept prisoner in that room for 14 eternities, there was the handouts and activities therein portion of the festivities. There were handouts for the adults, and handouts for the kids. These were to "foster communication, so that all the adults and kids could feel comfortable discussing uncomfortable things"
The first activity was to talk about our children about "what we were feeling when we brought them home"
Total blankness. I remember that day vaguely. Honest to goodness, it was awful. We had a rattletrap for a vehicle at the time, as, my car had been totaled when some guy ran a red light. It was a million degrees outside, the vehicle had no air conditioning, and, we had no one to watch the girls that day. So, Jasin had to bring everyone to the hospital to pick us up. I was sore from a c section, stressed, hot, tired and out of sorts.
I absolutely could not tell my expectant child this. I told him I was so excited to bring him home, and how happy I was to be able to put him in his own crib in his new room with new carpet and all decorated.
The woman running things told us our time to discuss this was up, and gushed about how wonderful it is, to watch the interactions and hugging and connecting! Wait! What? Was there supposed to be hugging? I don't even know.
We began to look through the adult and child handouts. The adults had questions like:
What is your child's height (within one inch?)
If your child could do anything he or she choses for one day, what would it be?
What is the last movie your son/daughter saw?
What is your child's favorite dinner? (NOTHING!!!!!!!!!)
Would your son or daughter rather ride a horse, a bike or in a car?
On and on and on.
I am a failure as a mother. I honest to goodness had the slightest idea, the answers to most of these questions. "It's like you don't even know me at all!" burst out Joe.
Also, at the bottom of the parent handout, was a little disclaimer. "Please note that any resource on sexuality may or may not reflect your family's values." it went on to say "The views expressed in these resources do not necessarily reflect those of Project Know".
"Wait!" I said to my friend next to me, "WHOSE Values and views DO they resflect, then?"
The woman running the proceedings excitedly told us how happy she was that, this year, she gets to teach her OWN children the Project Know program, because they are both in the grades that participate. I cannot imagine at all, that it is not life scarring for her children, to learn of such things from your mother in front of your entire grade, and all their friends and enemies. What could go wrong?
Anyhow. Eventually the entire traumatic meeting came to an end. Joe announced he would probably try to get out of school the next day. There was an announcement that the children could all pick a new book from the selection lying about the room. Joe picked out a Magic Tree House book, and we headed home.
"So. Joe. Do you have questions? Anything you want to talk about? I know you had a lot of questions before the meeting..."
"No. I'm good. I just want to read my book now."
End of subject.
In conclusion. I feel like this is a public service. You now know, what happens at a Project Know meeting.
I feel it is only fair that, the instructor who has Joe tomorrow, will be interrogated thoroughly by my kid, and will reconsider his life choices immediately after.
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