I Have to Teach Them WHAT?

     We need a fun Blog today. Honestly, I cannot bear to read my own whining, so, I suppose no one else can, either.

     Yesterday was my Birthday. It began with a walk at a brisker than usual pace. Sometimes, those morning walks keeps us sane. Sometimes, one of us needs to vent about whatever we need to vent about. It took Sue 3 miles to get it all out of her system yesterday. We finished our walk 10 minutes early and Sue felt a lot better.

     Because of all the days off I have recently taken for George's various Dr. appts, breathing issues and fevers, I was insanely busy at work all day.
     Around lunch time, my boss came and found me. By that time I was ready for a break, so off we went. We are trying to get all set and ready for the 2 races we are doing soon.
     My boss, Kim, is taller than me. And has longer legs. And her fast walk is my gasping stumbling, shin splints, leg charlie horse, sprint. She cheerfully announced yesterday that her (our) goal is to do 15 minute or less miles. Seriously. Don't judge. I don't know if I have ever done a 15 minute mile before in my life. I honestly never paid attention. We were at 16.5 minute miles yesterday, with some hills included.
     My confidence at doing the second race, a mud run full of obstacles is waning quickly. I am all bravado, though.

     "How are you doing? You keeping up okay?" Calls Kim, as I lag 3 steps behind her at all times, completely unable to muster the ability to run up to catch up.

     "Oh yes!!! Just fine! No problem! I need this!" I try to call out cheerfully.

I could say I am "Doing it", and that at least it's movement, and OHMYGOSH, I am pushing 40 and getting ready to do TWO races for the FIRST TIME EVER, and how the heck awesome is THAT??!!!!!! But, mostly, I am happy I can do it and still breathe.

     This past weekend, I fit into my old jeans! Persistence pays off and all that. By "Fit into my old jeans" I mean, I could zip and button and still sit down. It didn't necessarily mean they were comfortable.
     The next morning, Bearded Man woke me up with one of my favorite breakfasts ever. Breakfast Pizza from Rich's, the service station in our town. I haven't been able to bring myself to try on those jeans again, or step on a scale, because it's been downhill from there. I regret nothing. Not the 2 birthday cakes I was presented with yesterday, not the 2 glasses of wine at my friend Wendy's last night, not the resulting nausea this morning, and not the decision to skip hills this morning.

     Okay, enough about all that. Maybe someday, I will be all slim and trim and be able to lope up hills like a gazelle. Or like the Hughes sisters who seemingly can do it without breaking a sweat or losing breath and are older than I am. Or the ever smiling elderly couple we pass on the hill every morning who also don't seem at all winded by it. And who smugly break into a jog when near us, because I am pretty sure they know we cannot.
     Mostly, I am happy with the progress I am making one miserable ounce at a time. And, it keeps me sane when I think about all the chores that are piling up at home, and the completely unenthusiastic lack of help by the other occupants. Go ahead and judge. I think I need to ship my family away to live with the Amish for a month. I think all the time that some quality time with people who put their families to work while they are still in diapers might make my own family a little less miserable about helping out around the house.

     Update on the George front: His blood work came back yesterday completely fine! Here's hoping that his cardiac workup on Friday is also fine.

     Also. My house. It still reeks like skunk. Sometimes it seems as if the skunk comes back nightly and resprays the living room. Sometimes, coming down the stairs first thing in the morning and smelling the living room makes me just want to march back up stairs and go back to bed. There isn't a candle, deodorizer, freshener in the world with the staying power of skunk smell. I cannot get over how it smells like fresh skunk every single day. Not gonna lie. It's amazing. I thought maybe it would have waned a little by now. Not even a little.

     The time for teaching Religious Education at my church is drawing near. Recently, the head of Religious Ed handed me a bunch of teaching guides and teaching things used by the last teacher, and reminded me I really needed to get a teaching plan together.
     It all looked like Swahili to me. I could not for the life of me figure out exactly what was what. Nothing seemed to match anything, and I am completely uncertain as to what exactly I am doing. It all seemed so distant when I agreed to this. Now it is a month away, and I am clueless. What, exactly, do they WANT taught? And, do I REEEEAAAALLLLYYYY have to teach these kids about the church's stand on all things sex? Because I REEEAAAAALLLLYYYY don't want to. I don't think they make coloring pages or crafts for that, either.
     So. I ordered "Catholicism for Dummies." because I thought maybe I could use some brushing up, and maybe I could use it to teach with. And maybe it would offer some sort of guidance.
     I have not READ it. But, I HAVE flipped through it. And, oh my gosh. I discovered several more reasons I am going to hell. And I still don't know what I am doing.
     My goal is to try to carve out some uninterrupted time to go through everything and create a plan. I can do this.
     I thought "Just be honest! TELL the kids we are all learning this together!"
Then
     "NO! Don't let them smell the proverbial blood!"
Then
     "FUN! I need to make this interesting! Kaila said they were all bored and out of control last year."
Then
     "Am I ALLOWED to do 'Fun'??
Then
     "I am so going to have to color code it all like I do at work."
Then
     'This is going to require shopping for pens and paper and notebooks and maybe a binder..."
Then
     "I don't think I have enough teacher type clothes. I own scrubs and workout clothes anymore."
Then
     "Oh yeah! I have a gift certificate for dinner for 2 I bought on Groupon, I should hire a sitter and go shopping for all this and think about it over dinner and wine."
Then
     "This is why we are going to hell. I just decided I would need alcohol to figure out how to teach little kids about the Lord."

I am sure updates will be following as this progresses.