I accidently parked at an entrance that I thought was close to the Sears store, but, in fact, was not. I then walked past a man of indiscernible age, sitting next to the entrance, looking homeless, and completely uninterested in the fact that someone was standing within 2 feet of him, and, in my tired and hyper overdrive state, walked right past him. Through the entire tired trek through the mall (Seriously, it wasn't much of a trek. It's a small mall.) I felt the absolute guilt building up. Guilt all over the place. What if the man was homeless? What if he was sick? What if he was on drugs? What if he needed help? What kind of person was I, that I hadn't even stopped to talk to him?? I stumbled past a security guard that looked about 15 years old and tried not to look thuggish, as I worried about that man outside. (I have a security guard phobia. I have been followed by security through Wal Mart THREE ADDITIONAL TIMES since the Christmas shopping debacle of last December. I must look shady.) I was thinking about this and about the time, as, I had precisely 45 minutes to pick up the dryer, get it loaded into the van, do the 25 minute drive home, and get Lexi to the High School for 7th Grade Orientation. Also, I was starving, and had nothing appropriate to wear to the school, which brings us back to the dryer - and the piles of laundry sitting in front of the broken dryer at home. In that pile would be Mom appropriate clothes. Which brought me to "perfect mom". She is this woman who intimidates the daylights out of me. She is always perfect. Her hair, her clothes, her accessories, her figure, her life. I feel inadequate every single time I am near her. Perfect mom was going to also be at the 7th grade orientation. Perfect Mom would never be this harried, this stressed, I just KNEW she would have the perfect clothes on, and perfect mom is also a good Christian woman, who absolutely would have stopped and helped out the (possibly) homeless man on her way into the mall. Seriously. This woman intimidates the daylights out of me. I have a hard time even forming words to talk to her, because I am pretty sure I will sound like an idiot if I make the attempt. I will never ever be Perfect Mom.
Upon entrance to Sears, I am besieged by three sales associates, all wanting to help. I tell them I am here for a pick up, and two of them disappear, leaving me with one I am familiar with. He is the sweetest, nicest older gentleman ever.
He also is completely unable to ever work the computers.
My mind was currently at:
- You are going to HELL! If that man outside was a test, you just FAILED!
- I am going to be so so so late and Lexi is going to be so so so upset!
- What if the dryer doesn't fit? In the van or into the laundry room?
- I honest to goodness have nothing decent to wear to this thing!
- What is the weather outside, anyhow? How did I not notice what the weather was???
- Why is the Security Guard in here - again?!
- Seriously. Am I old, or, do they hire middle school kids for these security things?
- I am really sick of Turkey soup. Seriously. Sick of it.
- OMG. I NEED to get out of here! I am going to be so late!
- I think I am in Sears enough, I could probably help this guy figure the computer out.
- Did he really just snicker over my last name? Well. Everybody does, honestly.
- What if the guy sitting outside really needed someone to stop and ask if he was okay?
- Okay. If I can get on the road in the next five minutes, and everyone does speed limit, and I don't get stuck behind someone doing the traditional 27 mph all the way home, I can make it in time.
- We are going to have to walk to the school - the dryer is in the van. The van needs to stay home.
- OMG. If I am late, Lexi will be in tears.
- Seriously, just give me the darn dryer!!!!!!!
- I really cannot afford this stupid thing.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I just wanted to make sure. Is there anything I can do for you? Or, are you just hanging out?"
"Nah, I'm all good lady. Thanks for asking."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'm sure."
"Okay. Well. Have a good night."
"Thanks."
Not sure if that was helpful to anyone. I still felt like I could have done more for him. Anyhow. On to the loading dock. The dryer was loaded in short order, with plenty of comments that this was a heavier than usual dryer "Oh! She ordered the BIG one!" along the way. My brain was still in hyper gear, and my body was not. Thus the following took place:
"Okay, you're all set! Thanks for shopping with us again!"
"You guy are great! When the next appliance dies, You come see me!"
Black stares
"Oh. My. Goodness. I MEANT I will come see me!"
Blank stares
"You. I mean. You know. Ummm. Hope this doesn't die?"
Blank stares
"You're all great! Thanks!"
And I dove into my van and left in short order.
I decided on a super fast stop to Burger King. Just a small milkshake and fries. I couldn't remember the last time I had either. Or stopped at a fast food place. I placed my order, and promptly forgot what kind of shake I had ordered. What the hell? Seriously? I should have just gone home. I didn't have time for this anyhow.
"HEY! MORIAH! Is that YOU?" Came a shout. My old next door neighbor happened to be standing near the drive thru. We commiserated about how much we both still disliked his ex wife, I admired pictures of his new sports car, bought in celebration of no longer having to pay alimony, and, discovered I had ordered a strawberry shake. Which is what I wanted, so, that was good.
I made it home with ten minutes to spare, and decided that the clothing dilemma was solved, because I did not have time to change, anyhow. So, wearing my black scrubs, I trotted Lexi down the road to the school.
Where I discovered that the weather was hot and sunny. And the school was warm and muggy. And Perfect Mom looked perfect. I did not. I had my old glasses that did not want to stay attached to my face, balanced on my nose, (If you recall, my good glasses are someplace at the bottom of Black Lake.) my hair was just awful, I was wearing hot black scrubs, and, considering that less than an hour ago, I could barely form a coherent thought or sentence, I decided that this was probably not the day to try and strike up a conversation with her.
Lexi, however, was a treat. She excitedly greeted every person she knew with a compliment. She had something nice to say to everyone. She introduced herself to all her new teachers, she had dressed up and accessorized for the occasion, and, was generally determined to say something nice to absolutely everyone, so that no one would feel awkward. She insisted upon being the kindest person she could be. I was so proud of her!
Anyhow. When all was said and done, the dryer was installed. The laundry was begun. The first load went into the dryer, and the array of buttons was perused, and the dryer was started. In "Energy Star" mode. Which, I discovered, takes approximately 40 days and 40 nights to actually dry a load of laundry. You can be an energy star, or, you can dry your laundry before the kids outgrow it. I don't know if you can have both. Mostly, I was too tired to decide last night.
And, there you have, an hour in the brain of a very not so perfect mama. Give or take a few minutes or so....
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