An Hour in the Brain of a Very Not So Perfect Mama

     Yesterday after work, I unenthusiastically schlepped across the street to the local mall, with the seats of my van folded down, to go get the new dryer.


     I accidently parked at an entrance that I thought was close to the Sears store, but, in fact, was not. I then walked past a man of indiscernible age, sitting next to the entrance, looking homeless, and completely uninterested in the fact that someone was standing within 2 feet of him, and, in my tired and hyper overdrive state, walked right past him. Through the entire tired trek through the mall (Seriously, it wasn't much of a trek. It's a small mall.) I felt the absolute guilt building up. Guilt all over the place. What if the man was homeless? What if he was sick? What if he was on drugs? What if he needed help?  What kind of person was I, that I hadn't even stopped to talk to him?? I stumbled past a security guard that looked about 15 years old and tried not to look thuggish, as I worried about that man outside. (I have a security guard phobia. I have been followed by security through Wal Mart THREE ADDITIONAL TIMES since the Christmas shopping debacle of last December. I must look shady.) I was thinking about this and about the time, as, I had precisely 45 minutes to pick up the dryer, get it loaded into the van, do the 25 minute drive home, and get Lexi to the High School for 7th Grade Orientation. Also, I was starving, and had nothing appropriate to wear to the school, which brings us back to the dryer - and the piles of laundry sitting in front of the broken dryer at home.  In that pile would be Mom appropriate clothes. Which brought me to "perfect mom". She is this woman who intimidates the daylights out of me. She is always perfect. Her hair, her clothes, her accessories, her figure, her life. I feel inadequate every single time I am near her. Perfect mom was going to also be at the 7th grade orientation. Perfect  Mom would never be this harried, this stressed, I just KNEW she would have the perfect clothes on,  and perfect mom is also a good Christian woman, who absolutely would have stopped and helped out the (possibly) homeless man on her way into the mall. Seriously. This woman intimidates the daylights out of me. I have a hard time even forming words to talk to her, because I am pretty sure I will sound like an idiot if I make the attempt. I will never ever be Perfect Mom.


      Upon entrance to Sears, I am besieged by three sales associates, all wanting to help. I tell them I am here for a pick up, and two of them disappear, leaving me with one I am familiar with. He is the sweetest, nicest older gentleman ever.
     He also is completely unable to ever work the computers.


     My mind was currently at:

• You are going to HELL! If that man outside was a test, you just FAILED!
• I am going to be so so so late and Lexi is going to be so so so upset!
• What if the dryer doesn't fit? In the van or into the laundry room?
• I honest to goodness have nothing decent to wear to this thing!
• What is the weather outside, anyhow? How did I not notice what the weather was???
• Why is the Security Guard in here - again?!
• Seriously. Am I old, or, do they hire middle school kids for these security things?
• I am really sick of Turkey soup. Seriously. Sick of it.
• OMG. I NEED to get out of here! I am going to be so late!
• I think I am in Sears enough, I could probably help this guy figure the computer out.
• Did he really just snicker over my last name? Well. Everybody does, honestly.
• What if the guy sitting outside really needed someone to stop and ask if he was okay?
• Okay. If I can get on the road in the next five minutes, and everyone does speed limit, and I don't get stuck behind someone doing the traditional 27 mph all the way home, I can make it in time.
• We are going to have to walk to the school - the dryer is in the van. The van needs to stay home.
• OMG. If I am late, Lexi will be in tears.
• Seriously, just give me the darn dryer!!!!!!!
• I really cannot afford this stupid thing.

Anyhow. I eventually got clearance to bring my vehicle to the back entrance to Sears, and pick up the appliance I really did not want to have to buy in the first place. Back through the mall, and down the hallway to the entrance I had parked near. I opened the door, and found the man still alive and sitting there. I stopped.


     "Are you okay?"


     "Yeah. Why?"


     "I just wanted to make sure. Is there anything I can do for you? Or, are you just hanging out?"


     "Nah, I'm all good lady. Thanks for asking."


     "Are you sure?"


     "Yeah. I'm sure."


     "Okay. Well. Have a good night."


     "Thanks."


Not sure if that was helpful to anyone. I still felt like I could have done more for him. Anyhow. On to the loading dock. The dryer was loaded in short order, with plenty of comments that this was a heavier than usual dryer "Oh! She ordered the BIG one!" along the way. My brain was still in hyper gear, and my body was not. Thus the following took place:


     "Okay, you're all set! Thanks for shopping with us again!"


     "You guy are great! When the next appliance dies, You come see me!"


Black stares


     "Oh. My. Goodness. I MEANT I will come see me!"


Blank stares


     "You. I mean. You know. Ummm. Hope this doesn't die?"


 Blank stares


     "You're all great! Thanks!"


And I dove into my van and left in short order.


     I decided on a super fast stop to Burger King. Just a small milkshake and fries. I couldn't remember the last time I had either. Or stopped at a fast food place. I placed my order, and promptly forgot what kind of shake I had ordered. What the hell? Seriously? I should have just gone home. I didn't have time for this anyhow.


     "HEY! MORIAH! Is that YOU?" Came a shout. My old next door neighbor happened to be standing near the drive thru. We commiserated about how much we both still disliked his ex wife, I admired pictures of his new sports car, bought in celebration of no longer having to pay alimony, and, discovered I had ordered a strawberry shake. Which is what I wanted, so, that was good.


     I made it home with ten minutes to spare, and decided that the clothing dilemma was solved, because I did not have time to change, anyhow. So, wearing my black scrubs, I trotted Lexi  down the road to the school.
     Where I discovered that  the weather was hot and sunny. And the school was warm and muggy. And Perfect Mom looked perfect. I did not. I had my old glasses that did not want to stay attached to my face, balanced on my nose, (If you recall, my good glasses are someplace at the bottom of Black Lake.)  my hair was just awful, I was wearing hot black scrubs, and, considering that less than an hour ago, I could barely form a coherent thought or sentence, I decided that this was probably not the day to try and strike up a conversation with her.


     Lexi, however, was a treat. She excitedly greeted every person she knew with a compliment. She had something nice to say to everyone. She introduced herself to all her new teachers, she had dressed up and accessorized for the occasion, and, was generally determined to say something nice to absolutely everyone, so that no one would feel awkward. She insisted upon being the kindest person she could be. I was so proud of her!


     Anyhow. When all was said and done, the dryer was installed. The laundry was begun. The first load went into the dryer, and the array of buttons was perused, and the dryer was started. In "Energy Star" mode. Which, I discovered, takes approximately 40 days and 40 nights to actually dry a load of laundry. You can be an energy star, or, you can dry your laundry before the kids outgrow it. I don't know if you can have both. Mostly, I was too tired to decide last night.


     And, there you have, an hour in the brain of a very not so perfect mama. Give or take a few minutes or so....


    

Veggies All Over the Darn Place

     I have a very rare break at the craziness of my job, so, decided to do a quick update. I do this, over tea and zucchini bread. Mostly because, it is probably the only opportunity to drink tea and eat zucchini bread that I will have. Follow along:


     This past weekend, we had no obligations. Nobody needed to be carted/hauled/present/taken/obligated to be anywhere for anything. Well, except Kaila, who had to babysit all weekend, but, all her babysitting jobs were within walking distance. So, I decided to get caught  up on stuff. I made a full turkey dinner. Mowed the lawn, cleaned out the van, cleaned the house, weeded my gardens (YAY! First year pretty much EVER that I have kept my gardens up this long! Progress!) ordered a new dryer, grocery shopped, and, cooked.
     By "cooked" I mean, I cooked everything. I turned the turkey carcass into stock, and the stock into turkey veggie rice soup, the kids helped eat most of the sugar cookie dough make sugar cookies, I turned a monster zucchini into four loaves of zucchini walnut bread, I made a broccoli salad from a recipe I saw on Facebook. I cooked and I cooked and I cooked. There were no veggies that were safe, in my kitchen. Veggies all over the darn place. Actually, when the kids were helping to cart in groceries, one of them inquired if we were having a party, as, there was an awful lot of vegetables in those grocery bags...
     Anyhow. After a solid eight hours of cooking yesterday, dinner time rolled around. The refrigerator (AKA, The only appliance I own that hasn't had to be replaced since I bought it 6 years ago.) was full of all this veggie goodness, the soup was simmering in an enormous  stock pot on the stove, and the kids were hungry. As were all seven of the various neighbor kids that seem to live at my house these days. The extras were sent home, and my own kids filed in for dinner. "What's for dinner?" they inquired.


     "What do you mean, what's for dinner? I just spent all day cooking it! We have soup! We have broccoli salad! Bearded Man smoked ribs out on his smoker! And, after dinner, there are cookies and zucchini bread!"


     "But. We don't LIKE soup. Or broccoli. Can we just have PB&J, or cereal or something?"


     "There are approximately four thousand servings of soup in that pot! Eat soup!!!"


     "You should probably freeze it. You will have soup for your work lunches!" They informed me.


Lexi tried some soup. That was about it. I now have a refrigerator full of all things veggie, and, no one to eat them. Except the zucchini bread. They will be all over that. Thus, the rare break at work, in which I incorporated zucchini bread and tea, as, the scavengers at home will likely eat most of it before I have a chance at it.


     It's hard to believe, but, the Second Annual Dick Family Trip to Black Lake has come and gone already. It's this weird little time warp, in which, once you are gone, you can barely believe it happened, and it's a nice memory, but, once you are there, it seems like you never really left, and everything is exactly the same as it was (yesterday) when you were here last. This year, more notice was taken of the campers next door to us. They just so happen to have two boys that just so happen to be the same ages as our two girls. All I have to say about that, is, a "One foot apart at all times" rule was instated fairly early in the week.
     Some high lights of the trip included : Water Tubing! Both of my boys loved it, both of my girls hated it. And, nobody could go fast enough for George. We discovered Lexi can scream loudly enough that she can be heard clear across the lake, during her (only) attempt at tubing.
  
     A near death experience out on the lake one day, when three of us families went out, it turns out, ahead of a storm. Boats were stuck, my glasses were lost, one boat broke down, and waves were crashing over our wildly tossing boat. Everyone and everything ended up okay in the long run, but, it was a pretty intense hour or so...


     Crazy heat. Every day was nearly unbearable, as everyone wilted under high temps. So, most afternoons were spent in the water.


     Fishing. There was a lot of fishing, and threats aimed at Bearded Man, regarding his alarm going off every. single. day. of. our. vacation. The only day it did not go off; the last day of vacation. However,  his boss called him early, asking him to come in. So, out of the nine days off I had: Not one of them was spent sleeping in. But, I suppose lots of fish were caught, so, there is that.


     George has been offered a job working at the camp ground the summer he turns 16. Just like at home, we couldn't keep him from his wanders to visit people. One morning, after searching the entire campground for him to no avail, I finally decided he was probably visiting again. Sure enough. He was having coffee with the Grandparents of two kids across the way from our cabin, as the grandkids slept. They were so charmed by George, that, he was promptly invited for breakfast, where, they made him pancakes and bacon. He made his rounds, not unlike at home, and already has a job lined up in ten years. Because: George. That's why.


     It was just a nice week. The same people come every year, so, it's sort of becoming a reunion at this point. The kids love it, and, we are already re-booked for next year.




     On to the appliances. 6.5 years ago, shortly after I had George, as nursing school graduation was fast approaching, and the washer was on it's last legs, and the refrigerator was ridiculously small, I decided we should go buy new appliances. There was an income tax credit for anyone who switched to Energy Star appliances that year, as well as some incredible rebates. I managed to score a new washer, dryer, dishwasher and refrigerator for an incredible price, after all the rebates and tax credits were accounted for. I was absolutely smugly proud of my brains and savings at the time. And, all this was purchased with all four of the children - including a weeks old George in tow, in February, thru the snow, and with less than enthusiastic sales associates at Lowes. The delivery people were even worse than the sales associates, and all clearly hated their jobs. Also, somehow my refrigerator was lost in transit, and we waited forever for it. But, I saved lots of money, right?


     Within 1 year and 2 months, (two months after the warranty ran out), the dishwasher was dead.


     After 5 years of constant fighting with it, the washer died.


     It made it to 6.5 years, but, now the dryer is dead, too. I pick up the new one tomorrow after work.
I was hoping to just fix it (again), but, the Bearded Repair Man has announced it is irreparable. So, in full house/van cleaning regalia, including my hair up in a brightly colored handkerchief and sticking out in a million different directions, I grudgingly hopped into the van to go get a new dryer. The clothing situation is dire, currently. I don't have time to mess with this anymore.
     To their credit, the Sears sales associates are a lot nicer than the Lowes people were. Since we seem to be becoming regular customers and all that... even WITH the insane clothes and hair-do, they were very nice. I asked them to show me a large capacity dryer. There were precisely two of them available. One of which happened to be the match to my washer. I have found that, to have large capacity, to accommodate large families, one must also have a paycheck of large capacities. Because those appliances are way more expensive than the reasonably priced appliances for smaller needs. (By the way. I do not currently possess large capacity paychecks...)  So, tomorrow, I will put all the seats in the minivan down, and haul another appliance home. As much as I was anti mini van in the beginning, I have to say, it has proven invaluable since I have owned it. There. I admitted it. I kind of like the van.


     Till next time!