Chores. Unless one has a Housekeeper, Maid staff, Grounds Crew and Butler, one has to do chores.
Nod your head right now, if you are a Mom, and you fill all of those titles.
With school out for the summer, my children have been informed that they will NOT be spending it sprawled across the couches watching TV or playing on the iPad and wearing their pajamas all day. While eating nothing of nutritional value and throwing the wrappers, containers and dishes on the floors surrounding them.
Sound disgusting? Welcome to my world. Because, that is what tends to happen in my house. My children were genuinely upset that they would not get to spend their summer thusly.
The kids have been gradually conditioned into chores. Now that Mama is only working one job, and is home to supervise more, the kids have been called into service. Bearded Man mostly escapes to the neighbor's, with a can of beer, or takes a nap, to avoid the travesty of chores. Seriously though. This Mom is tired. Also, this Mom does not want to be mentally cussed out by my children's future bosses and/or spouses, because they are useless and have zero self care skills. Also, everyone is fully capable of helping out, and for the Love of the Dear Lord and all His little children, WHY are wives and Mothers expected to do EVERYTHING? Anyhow, my kids have been given chores to do.
Recently, around Mother's Day, there was a "thing" going around, where kids were asked to say something their Mother says. Over dinner, I asked my kids. Oh boy. I shouldn't have.
"I have to do EVERYTHING!"
"Seriously, this house is a DISGUSTING MESS!!!"
"DO THE DISHES!!!!"
"You kids are NOT living here forever!"
"I DON'T CARE IF YOU WILL HAVE A BUTLER - WHAT IF HE QUITS??"
"...then, STARVE, JOE!!!"
Then, a friend of mine posted this thing on Facebook that indicated that all these things mean that the devil is trying to make you a bad mother, and is laughing in the corner, and is a clean house REALLY worth all this stress?
Yes. I cannot function without at least a pathway, clean clothing, and counter space. I just. CAN'T. Now there is the guilt that I am letting the Devil get away with it.
Week one: My kids have really kept up with their chores! I am so happy. Because, week one: Mama has a cold. Or something. But, whatever it is, is miserable, and honest to goodness, we go thru this every 4 months. I go the doctor, they hand me a prescription for a sinus infection, and I go on my merry way for another few months.
Whatever this is though, means business. So, now, I have no voice, on top of feeling like this whole being alive thing is extremely temporary.
Which means nothing to no one, except, remember all those fun "MOVE" Things I have begun, committed to, signed up for, paid for? They don't go away. The Step Challenge at work is still in full force. And I have done minimal stepping.
The 5ks are still there and waiting for me, and the Adirondacks have yet to evolve into nice do-able little hills. So, I am pretty sure that conditioning or no conditioning, I am still going to have to climb them in October. Because I have announced to EVERYBODY that I will. (If we could all pray for pouring rain in the ADK for Columbus Day weekend, that would be GREAT.)
Anyhow, last night was the Corporate Challenge in the town that I work. 800 or so of the employees of local businesses turned out to traipse all over Olean for a Good Cause. I am so sorry. I have honestly no idea what the cause was. I DO know that some people had signed up to see who could donate the most cereal, so maybe for hungry people? I don't know. But, I am sure it was a Good Cause.
For our $22. entry fee, we were issued a white tee shirt, a map, and after the race, two beers and a sandwich.
Also, as I donned my white tee shirt unenthusiastically after work, I noted that it was supposed to rain. My Facebook post wondered "White tee shirt in the rain with co-workers. What could go wrong?" Normally, I am all about these races. I LOVE them. They are fun and social and I am really adding to the 5k tee shirt collection. It's become this weird obsession.
Yesterday though, I just wanted to go to bed. I did not want to walk. Trot, stroll, traipse, run, jog, meander, crawl or drag myself ANYWHERE. But, since I had started this whole Step thing at work, and this was a spin off of it, I sort of needed to smile and show up.
There were people everywhere. People wearing honest to goodness workout clothes, who totally meant business. Complicated stretches, intense faces, jogging in place, breathing exercises that were reminiscent of labor breathing, bending, twisting, and lycra covered bottoms up in the air doing various contortions everywhere I looked. I leaned against a tree and watched people that looked like Cirque Du Soliel hopefuls twisting and bending and knotting up, and wondered if my cynical self had ever seen this at other races, or, if the people of Olean NY are just more conscientious about pulled muscles than the rest of NY. It was seriously impressive.
Anyhow, the race began. The VA clinic was part of the "Walkers" group, and we walked the route at this side of a sprint. The lady that led us was all business, as she marched ahead of the crowd, and we gasped along behind her. Olean was a blur, but, we made pretty good time, and hung out for an hour after, visiting and people watching. And then I went home, took one of every cold related medicine I owned, and went to bed. Thankful that it did not pour while I was wearing a white tee shirt, and vowing to design something darker and more upbeat for shirts for next year's race. Because I will presumably be alive and more excited about it next year. Also, I need to learn how to stretch, evidently. And not be self conscious about it AT ALL. Or feel inadequate that I cannot contort into some of those stretches.
Also, I think I promised the Zumba teacher I would come back and resume Zumba. Reading these blogs and about all this exercise, you would think I would be a svelte size 6. I am not. But, I sort of signed up for a Girl's trip to the Jersey Shore Labor Day weekend, with some co -workers. Where I will meet my cousin for the first time EVER, and whose home we will be invading for 3 days. (She INVITED us, when she found out we were heading that way. This will either be the most fun weekend EVER, or, awkward as anything.) Anyhow, we will be at the Jersey Shore, and plan on drinking Mimosas around dawn as we contemplate the ocean. (One of the girls suggested Pina Colodas, but, I had to tell her that that makes you an alcoholic. One does not drink Pina Coloadas at dawn. One drinks MIMOSAS, and then it's respectable.) Also, since I now own this minivan, I offered to drive us all there. As of yet, I have absolutely no idea where "There" is, but, we are going there. And now I need to step up the whole workout game again.
In closing, I am excited to announce that I will NOT be cooking anything that is alive, or has dead eyes to stare back at me for the Fourth of July this year. My friend, Sue, who was all about the lobster (fiasco) of last year, had wanted to do a suckling pig this year. By, "wanted to do" meaning, "Moriah heads out to buy one and then figures out how to cook it, while sobbing over the dead accusing eyes staring back at her, and then starves for the nest 2 guilt ridden traumatic days" Anyhow, Sue has announced that they have unavoidable plans (which I'm willing to bet do NOT involve cooking live or baby animals that stare at her) and cannot make it to our house this year. Thus: we are doing the usual hot dogs and burgers and a smoked turkey breast.
Smoked, because Santa, God Bless Him, brought Bearded Man a smoker for Christmas last year. Bearded Man has requested that he smoke this year's Thanksgiving turkey. Mama here was trying to find a nice way to say "OH, HELL NO!!!!!!!" but, was all nice and mentioned that he hasn't really had much practice with the smoker, and are you sure you want to be responsible for such a big holiday dinner....? (AKA, I learned that I don't like smoked foods, sooooo......) So, this was mentioned to our friends Wendy and Greg, they nicely donated a turkey breast for him to practice with. Not knowing that I can't deal with a smoked Thanksgiving turkey.
I think this entire post has indicated that I am not a nice person AT. ALL. On top of that, I recently learned the Devil is in my house, making me crazy about keeping it clean, and telling the kids to get it done. Great. Another reason I am going to Hell.
Till next time!
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