Living With Sheldon Cooper

     I live with Sheldon Cooper. He is masquarading as my (almost) 8 year old son, Joe. I feel bad for poor Joe, as George seems to get most of the lime light. The guilt I felt, when someone told me they didn't even know I had another son, was terrible. Joe is a beautiful boy, with enormous blue eyes, a mop of thick hair that seems to grow faster than I can have my sister cut it. He is a smart, handsome kid, who only sees the world in a literal sense. For example;

     We were recently watching 'The Fox and the Hound'. Kaila was sighing over this being one of her favorite movies, because the backround is so beautiful. Not Joe.

     "I hate this movie! It is so WRONG! Black bears are not that big! They do not have red eyes! Todd is at a Game Preserve. No one can be running around with guns and traps - the Game Warden would be arresting him. WHAT?? WHAT??? The BEAR dies going over the waterfall, but the small little fox WALKS AWAY?? Who puts all these lies in a movie??? Owls are nocturnal. This is either wrong, or Big Mama has rabies. Either way, it is NOT good that she is awake."

     "SHUT UP, JOE!!!" screeches Kaila, "You're ruining the whole movie!!"

     "Mooouuummm! Kaila said a bad word! She said shut up!" Informs George "Beat her!"

     "Mom. I am only telling the truth. This is not something little kids should watch. This is teaching them wrong things. No parent should let their kids watch this stuff." lectures Joe.

     "Oh look! Bedtime!" I announce with relief.
Or:
  
     "Mom. Do ducks have feathers or fur? Baby ducks."

     "They are kinda downy, as they grow their feathers, I think. I really am not 100% sure."

     "No fur?"

     "No."

     "Then WHY is a baby duck in a baby book titled "Furry Babies''??? This is all wrong."

     This is from the kid who is obsessedd with Trans Formers, and now The Avengers. The difference being, that these things are possible, with some scientific work. Which, he is prepared to do. If only his Mother would put in a science lab for him, he could get started. Preferably with a secret entrance, so George will leave him alone. He is not sure what his first project will be. It could be a Force Field. He cannot believe no one has invented one yet. He inquired last year where Wal Mart keeps them. It seems the girls at school just WILL NOT leave him alone. At all. He matter of factly announced the other day at dinner, that he gets marriage proposals daily. He says this in passing, and continues on with another subject entirely, but, I interrupted him.

     "Beep beep! Back up, Joseph. You get proposals daily?"
  
     "Yes. WHY am I cursed this way??"

     "Yeah, he really does, Mom. This one girl is always finding Me and Kaila in the hallways, and telling us how much she is on love with Joe. She is going to marry him. She says she will wear him down sooner or later." Lexi fills me in.
    
     We ran into this little girl at the local grocery store recently. Her older sister smirks at Joe, and says,

     "I know you! You are Joe, and you are in love with my little sister!"

     "No, I am not." Joe enunciates, "SHE is in love with ME. I am going to invent a force field very soon for this problem."

     "JOSEPH!!!"

     Joe is not sure if it will be the Force Field, or the Time Machine first. He REALLY needs a Time Machine. It is endlessly frustrating to him, that he does not already own one. It would come in handy on a regular basis. For instance:

     "What is for dinner, Mom?"
 Heeeeere we go. He hates almost everything.

     "Slop. I am cooking slop. AKA roast beef."

     "Do I like slop?"

     "Yes. Yes you do."

     "Can you hurry up and build my lab? I need my time machine right now."

     "Why?"

     "Because then I could go into the future 10 minutes, and try dinner, so I know if I like it or not, so I know if I am eating tonight. What are you doing?"
     "Getting Tylenol."

Or, there is the other reasoning behind the immediate need for a Time Machine:

     "Guess what?"

     "What?"

     "I have not decided if I need to build the Time Machine first, or the Force Field first."

     "Because...?"

     "If I had a Force Field, I could build things uninterrupted by girls.... But, if I had a Time Machine, I would know for sure. I could go into the future, and see if I need to get started right away on fixing George."

     "And what is wrong with your brother?"

     "Mom. Come on. He is going to end up in jail some day. He is crazy. He is upside down all the time, always flipping up the couch, or doing somersaults, he is into everything, including my stuff, he is aways changing his pajamas - it's a sign there is something seriously wrong with him. And, he never leaves me alone. I have to lock myself in the bathroom, to do my homework! And THEN he says he has to go potty, and I STILL cannot get it done. He's a problem. If you build me a lab, I can fix him. And keep him out of jail."

     "Or, we could build a second bathroom. Just saying...."

     Or, there are the one liners, delivered without any pause:

     "If I were to be a bird, I would be a swan. Because my middle name is Grace!" Lexi announces the other day.

     "More like DISgrace." Snorts Joe.

     Or the other day. I sneezed.
 
     "Ha! It worked! I made you do that. I have been working on mind control. Don't mess with me, Mom." He was soooo serious about it.

     "GEORGE!!! You better be glad I do not have my lab yet! I am THIS close to hooking electricc up to my stuff, so you would get electrocuted every time you touch it!!!!" I recently overheard.

During dinner the other day, we were discussing a veggie garden we want to put in. (Read MOM will put in, plant, water, weed, etc....) And where we could put it. We were all tossing ideas around the table, when George lets out an impatient groan.

     "That is all a big waste of time, energy, work, and water. You are doing it all wrong." He says around his hot dog, "You need to build a green house that has solar panels, and a rain collection system that could be rigged to water the plants at a certain time. It would be energy efficient, have lights, be used year round, save money on food all year, and still be good for the planet." O.M.G. I was speechless. He did not understand why this was even an issue. To him, this was just a no-brainer, and a waste of conversation.

     Joe keeps me busy. I spend a lot of time on my phone, Googling things for him. He has an endless barrage of questions that I just do not know the answers to. And it is not just 'one' question. He will continue to shoot them off - for days if needed - until he is completely satisfied with the answer. His teacher mentioned that he is in a group in her class, that spends a lot of time digging deeper into things, and researching them in books, or on the Internet. I was a little nervous, going into parent teacher conferences with his teacher this school year. I was worried what I would be told. I definitely thought for certain, they were going to tell me there were problems with my kid. He does not MEAN to sound condescending, when he thinks someone is wrong. He is so laid back and easy going - except when he isn't. And then, he can have a melt down in seconds. And argue for HOURS, about whatever the problem is. (For instance, snacks, if he doesn't eat his dinner.) I wasn't sure what the teacher would tell me. His teacher just loves him, and told me, "I don't know how to put it, what words to use, but there is just something different about him. Something special. He has a lot of potential." Lets just hope he uses his powers for good, and not evil, right?

     He will also grow up to be very financially savvy. The arguing and lectures we received this past Christmas, while picking out a tree, were unbelievable. He marched matter of factly around the tree lot, checking out prices, until he found the least expensive tree on the lot. A scrawny, tiny, Charlie Brown of a tree. And then spend half an hour following us around, arguing WHY we needed this tree. It was cheap. It would only be in our house for a month. We did not need a huge tree. It would shed less. We would not have to move many things in the living room. It was cheap. We should not be wasting money on a tree that we would only have for a month. It was cheap. It was more responsible with money, to buy a cheap tree. It was cheap. It would be easier to get it home..... it went on and on. The other 5 of us finally settled on a nice, medium sized tree. Which, a mile down the road, flew off the top of my truck. "SEE?! If you would have bought the SMALL tree, I could have carried it, and this would not have happened. If you only would have listened to me...."

     "Sounds like somebody needs nap, right mom?" Pipes up George.
It will be so interesting, to see how my own little Sheldon Cooper grows up. To see if he invents a Force Field, a Time Machine, or figures out how to give toys an electrical charge.... It will also be interesting to see how his little brother fares, sharing a room with the Mad Scientist...