I am supposed to be grocery shopping right now. But, I just don't feel like spending lots of money on food every single person in the household will hate at the moment, so, here we are. I have been advised that corndogs would be an acceptable item to buy, and, alerted that we need strawberry jam. But, otherwise, nothing else is even remotely appetizing to my children anymore.
Last night was the First Annual Cub Scout All You Can Eat Spaghetti Dinner and Mini Gun Raffle. The Bearded Man was a little nervous about this. It's his first year running things to some extent, and, lots of other leaders seemed to think it would be something of a failure and the Scouts would lose money on this venture. After scheduling it, they learned that several other gun raffles were happening in the area at the same time. The turn out ended up exceeding expectations, and, ended up being the best fund raiser the Cub Scouts have had as long as my kids have been part of Scouting. I had left to go pick Kaila up at work, and, when I arrived at the venue, I walked in and was shocked at how packed the building was. I think plans are in the works to do it again next year, too! This couldn't have happened without the combined efforts of all the Cub leaders, including Bearded Man's friend since high school, Josh, and his wife Michelle. Josh and Michelle put a lot of work into the raffle and really made it work. At the end of the night, we invited them over to celebrate the success of the fund raiser. Josh and I have the same affinity for Captain Morgan, so, I stopped off to grab a bottle on my way home. Standing in the local liquor store pondering the bottle sizes, I decided to splurge for the big bottle, and, headed home.
A disclaimer needs to happen here. As much as I talk about drinking, I rarely do. I think the last time I had a Captain Morgan and cola, was on Thanksgiving, truthfully. That being said, I came home and poured myself a drink, and remembered how very much I love Captain Morgan, and decided it was worth the money to spring for the bigger bottle. An hour and a half and five Captain Morgans later, I was counting pretty strongly on a pending ice storm to hit, and cancel Sunday School today. The more I thought about it, the more I thought that it was almost inevitable that the doom of the weather reports and the urgent email from the electric company nearly guaranteed that there would be no foreseeable way that we would be able to get half hour away to church. So, in my deliciously buzzed state, I reasoned mentally that all this Captain Morgan being dumped on a system that really rarely drinks anymore, would not be an issue at all. If I can't be in church due to weather, then, the Good Lord wouldn't mind at all that I would potentially be in no shape to teach Sunday School. And poured another one.
The Good Lord wasn't having it, apparently, because, the roads were fine this morning, and, we had to go to church. And teach Sunday School. Which ended up just fine, because, there were no residual effects of Captain Morgan except ridiculously reddened eyes, as evidenced by all the snap chat filters Kaila tested on me first thing this morning.
Not that we're counting, but, there's only 4 Sunday School Days left until we break till September.
I should mention that Bearded Man's shed in the driveway is now to be known as the "In Law Quarters." Last night, I ran into some people I knew, while we waiting for the Fund Raiser to start. One guy mentioned that he's happiest in his garage. When he dies, he'd be perfectly happy going to his garage, instead of heaven. Which reminded me of a story I had heard one time about someone who had sold their house. The new owners were a little horrified when the previous home owners sheepishly knocked on the door some time after the new owners moved in, and, asked if they could get Grandma out of the garage. It seems Grandma's ashes were left behind during the move. I mused that I would probably resort to breaking and entering for that one, because I don't know that I could knock on the door and explain I had left grandma in the garage.
The conversation continued, but, I was thinking about it this morning. In shock, I called Bearded Man. "Jasin! Where is your mother????"
"I think my sister has her."
"NO! I mean, your part of your mom???" (He has a vial of her ashes.)
"Oh. Out in my shed."
Before we get all outraged: he loves his shed. It's not like his mother was thrown in with the garden tools for lack of better place. Anyhow. I figure, it will make it better if we call the shed the Mother in Law quarters now, so it's not quite so bad.
For Easter, as usual, my little sister came for dinner. One year we went to Florida, and, I am still hearing about the trauma of Brianna not spending Easter at my house. While she was over for dinner, we talked about how her picture had somehow become viral on Facebook. It was shared all over the world, and she was receiving declarations of love and devotion, as well as marriage proposals from pretty much everywhere. I tried to explain to her that most of the men she was talking about were not even real, but, she was sure that a few of them were the real deal. There was one in particular from Egypt. He was highly offended that we were having ham for Easter, and urged her quite emphatically to give up all pork products. It would be a deal breaker for their future together. It was all I could do, not to tag her in a picture of the ham, fresh out of the oven. Anyhow, during the visit at our house, Egypt guy asked for a picture of her with me. Bearded Man happened to talk through the kitchen at that point, and happily grinned next to my sister. Beard and trucker hat and flannel and everything. Off the picture went: My sister and Bearded Man. Which received the response of a "thumbs up" symbol. Anyhow. I think we convinced her he was probably not a good idea.
I do have a dilemma though. My sister does my hair, and the kids' hair. We all need our hair done, but, she's been pretty busy lately. I am forbidden to go to anyone else for hair needs (She tags me in the "Cheating on your barber" You Tube video with regularity) So, now my generally frizzy and unmanageable hair has an alarming amount of grays that I am terrified to mention to her. Or color myself. Or go anywhere else. So, there's a good chance that, since I am pretty much scared of my little sister, I may need to adopt the hippy/natural look.
Oh. Since I have mentioned that I rarely drink, this next part will make me look like I have a problem. The Franklinville Book Club recently had a meeting that began at a local winery with a wine tasting. I sipped through several wines, before I landed on Red Raspberry wine. It was so good, that I brought a bottle home. And then, I went back last week, and bought another one. I gushed about it so much, that the lady who was working at the winery offered to drive some to my house whenever I needed more. I figured that would tip me right into alcoholic status, so, I regretfully declined. I invited a friend over to try it. She said she doesn't drink wine anymore, because it didn't settle well with her last time she drank wine. And then we proceeded to split the bottle with no ill effects. So, now I need another one.
Speaking of problems, I think I blame my job in some part for the sudden uptake in alcohol. I arrived home one day last week stressed beyond all measure, and in a very snappy mood. I just couldn't shake this mood, and was trying desperately not to take it out on my kids. I threw together dinner while Kaila talked about a First Aid/CPR course she is taking at school. One of the scenarios she mentioned was about a lady who is in the kitchen cutting something up for dinner or whatever, and, a knife falls on her arm, cutting across the inner forearm and there's blood everywhere and she's going into shock. I swear, I slammed down a cooking utensil right then and snapped, "Well, after she gets stabilized, she's probably going on suicide watch, and is looking at some time in psych, because she just slit her damn wrist, and if she tells you otherwise, she's a dirty liar, and nobody treating her is not going to think she just tried to kill herself, and out of the LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF WAYS A PERSON CAN HURT THEMSELVES IN A KITCHEN, THIS IS THE BEST EXAMPLE THEY CAN COME UP WITH????!!!!!!" To my poor kid's shock. "Seriously!!! Nobody "drops" a knife across their radial artery. Knives don't just "fall" across your radial artery. You don't miss the vegetables and "accidently" cut yourself eight inches away from the counter!" I raged on in aggravation, before catching myself and trying not to continue. "Anyhow." I took a deep breath "I do hope that your takeaway from the lesson was to put pressure on the wound and all that."
"You are such a cute little crazy person." said Kaila. "And, yeah, we put pressure on the wound and keep her warm since she's in shock, and call 911."
On that note, I am one pre-employment drug screening test away from another job. I should be cleared to start within the next week or so. This could adversely effect the weekend schedules around here indefinitely, but, it is what it is. On the "up" side, it should keep me busy enough that that bottle of Captain Morgan lasts a good long time. And, the Red Raspberry wine will remain too far away for me to have time to buy it. So, it's an overall good thing for my liver and moral constitution and all that.
Till next time!
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