Thursday, September 12, 2013

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night



     Yesterday I wrote this whole post about how I was trying to be organized and scheduled, and am now armed with (unfortunately un-color coded) lists. And the chaos I was afraid would ensue, if the list and routines were not followed.

     Well. I completely jinxed myself in a splendid way. Because, within hours of that post, everything that could mess up my neat orderly little week, absolutely did.
     I stepped out of my friend  Colleen's car (it was  her week to drive our carpool to work) to a loud clap of thunder. I should have known then, that it was going to be a rough night.
      As I was clearing dinner off the table, a new friend of Lexi's, who just moved in down the street stopped over with her mother, sister and brother. So, out I went, to introduce myself, and before I knew it, her kids and mine were all running around playing together.
     The sky became darker and darker, and I suggested to the Mother of Lexi's friend, that we bring her toddler's stroller up onto my front porch, and maybe go inside, as it was thundering and lightening, and rain was imminent. She agreed that this seemed like a good idea, and in we went. Within minutes, the electricity was out, and a strong storm, with whipping winds going all different directions, hail, rain and continuous thunder and lightening swept through. The lights around my front door were ripped off, one of the iron patio tables was thrown over, a tree behind the next door neighbor's house broke in half, and there were reports of a house fire caused by lightening, and downed lines all over the area.
     The storm didn't last long, maybe half an hour, and the new neighbor and I got to know each other. Shortly after the storm, all our combined kids tumbled out the front door, to go splash in the massive puddles at the end of our driveway, and any other puddles they could find. Children were running up and down the side walk, as more neighbors came pouring out of their homes, and over to talk about the storm and it's damage, and wonder how long the electric would be out. It was quite the initiation for the new neighbor from down the street. She got to meet lots of people last evening! Through it all, though, I saw my careful lists and plans spiral away like nothing. Lunches were not packed, laundry was not done, dishes were not done - this was NOT on the list!!!!!

     Eventually, everyone wandered away, and we went inside to light candles. The kids were all excited, and went to sleep way faster then I thought they would. I wandered around, admiring all the pretty candles, remembering the days before kids and fluffy dogs, when I could safely light candles on an almost nightly basis. My mind wandered.... Wasn't this pretty? And so calm! And serene! And, the Amish people really know their stuff, because this was just so soothing. The Amish people ROCK. They obviously knew that electricity only makes life more stressful, and not less. Maybe I should just become Amish. Bearded Man is constantly after me to can various things. (I haven't a clue as to how to can things...) He is always saying we need to get chickens, and maybe a cow, and a pig, and have our own meat, eggs and produce. I could just become Amish and wear dark clothes (Which are infinitely more flattering to me than colors, it seems.) and learn how to can things and live off the land, and burn lots of candles. Ha! The moment I needed a decent glass of wine, or a stiff Captain Morgan, and had to wash laundry in a barrel, that would go south in a hurry!
     Either way, I decided to disappoint Bearded Man, and not become Amish. And to take pictures with my phone. Also frowned upon by the Amish. So, snapping away, I start to take pictures of all the candles. I take the last picture from my favorite spot ever, my recliner.
     And then I look at the picture. In the bottom right corner of the window over the love seat, I see a face peeking into the living room window. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I have never ever had that many goosebumps in my WHOLE LIFE. They were massive and painful, and everywhere. I am sure even the ends of my hair had goosebumps.
     Lightning was flashing ominously, and I was alone with 4 kids, and while I was sincerely hoping it was just a candlelight reflection, it LOOKED like a FACE!!
     This is the point in any good horror movie, where I was honor bound to go into the basement. I have the CREEPIEST basement on the planet. I NEVER EVER go into the basement. If I absolutely have to, I always come running  up the steps as fast as I can, and slam the door behind me. Don't judge. Even Super Man has his weakness, okay?
     But, in any good horror story, the creepy basement is the logical place to go, for guaranteed mutilation. WHY do they always go into the basement? I was not only not going onto the basement, I was not leaving my recliner. Ever again. Not even to close the front door, which was open right behind me. What if whatever was peaking through the window decided to come in for a visit? RIGHT BEHIND me? THEN what? Or, float up the stairs to the kids' rooms? Don't care. I am not getting up. I can just die right here. I wondered if I was getting extra gray hairs. Doesn't that happen? I finally decided to move enough to, of course, post the picture on Facebook, and implore people to tell me it was just a reflection. A lot of people "Liked" that picture (This was not a "Like" situation, people!!!!). A lot of people were all like "Nope. It's a little girl" and a few said it was just a reflection. I was not comforted. So, I decided to call Bearded Man. First I sent him the picture. The following conversation was a such:

Well, go get your gun.

I can't get my gun! I am not leaving this chair! And, you can't SHOOT ghosts!!!!! I would end up shooting the neighbor's house, and neither they, nor the police, nor the subsequent news channels would be impressed!

(Side note: Channel 4 seems to REALLY REALLY hate the VA. I could picture the headlines now: VA nurse photographs ghost, shoots neighbor's house. Our exclusive at 5, 6, and 11...)

Well, where is the dog?

I locked him in the laundry room, because he wouldn't stop barking at all the people that were here earlier, and I didn't want him to catch fire on all the candles.

Go get the dog.

No! I am NOT leaving the chair!!! YOU need to come home immediately!

No. I am an hour away. Just go to bed.

NO. You come home!

No. Go get the dog. You will be fine.

You suck as a knight in shining armour, and have failed me completely. Goodbye.

So. That didn't go well. I finally got up the nerve to go get the dog. Who was completely upset, panting and staring at the window from the safety of my lap. He failed me as a guardian as well.

Eventually the lights came back on, and the dog decided it was safe, and wandered off. I need a new dog.

Morning dawned, and I was whole and intact. As were the kids. Bearded Man pointed out that there are finger prints and dog nose prints on the window, thus I was probably seeing a dirty window reflexion (You are not in a position to point out my housekeeping failures, Bearded Man...), and considered the case closed.

My older sister, however, is convinced I have a little girl outside, and has informed me she is sending the picture to a friend of hers with a gift. Evidently she is able to flip over tables with her mental energy or something along those lines. (OMG, WHAT a handy trick!!!!)

Will keep you updated!!!!

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