So, every once in awhile, I go through the whole 'Earth Mother' phase. It usually does not last too long, and is out of my system before too much trauma and damage happens. And, I think this may be the longest phase yet. I blame Pinterest and Facebook. There is always so much darn pressure to simplify, to go all natural, chemical free, homemade everything.... I feel guilty every time I enter a grocery store anymore. My kids take bottled water to school, and not even THAT is safe anymore. I could pour it into handy dandy safe bottles, but, realisticly, my kids would lose them. So, what's a Mama to do? I decided to start a garden. The idea was charming. (Isn't that a nice word? Charming is the exact perfect fit, for my thoughts on this garden.) My imagination ran wild. I pictured an innocent story book watercolor, of my wonderful children - probably wearing white sun dresses and denim overalls, respectively - watching and nurturing the miracle of seed to produce. I pictured this beautiful, perfect garden, bountiful and weed free, with the kids helping carefully pull weeds, and integrated into my backyard to blend well and look like it belonged. I pictured a nice little herb garden, so I might have fresh, home grown herbs, to season and flavor all this non-poisonous goodness, which would finally give me at least one area of my life to not feel gulty about. Picture Little House on the Prarie, if you will. I even announced to Jasin that I wanted to learn how to can things this year! I would go berry picking, and make jams, jellies and preserves. I would freeze some, and capture it all at the peak of perfection! I would make spaghetti sauce, can tomatoes, beans, corn and everything! I have a canning book that has all sorts of canning recipies, and was amazed. I wouldn't have to go grocery shopping ever again. I began to imagine this perfect little pantry lined with sparkling jars of the fruits of my labor. Look at all that healthy goodness.
Wasn't that a nicec mental picture? So, I went and bought a few packets of seeds, and some seed starting trays. We could go to a nursary and buy plants for the rest around Memorial Day. We started our seeds, which took off beautifuly. And, I called my Dad, who was always an avid gardener when we were growing up.
Dad! I started my garden! I planted peas!
WHAT? You are just planting them NOW? Ri, you should have had those in last month!
Dad. I had two feet of snow in my back yard last month. I still have snow in my back yard.
Doesn't matter, Ri! Peas like cold weather. Plant them outside!
Well, they are started, so, they are technically planted and starting, Dad, right?
GET THEM OUTSIDE SOON!
Okay, okay! I will plant them outside my next day off. I also started beets and carrots, too...
WHAT?? Get them outside!! They all need to be planted now, or they wont grow! Ah hell. Maybe I should come over there and help.
No no! I swear, I will plant them all as soon as possible. Thanks, Dad.
Lord. This wasn't starting well. Not at all. Okay, I will plant them all very soon. And the onions, too. Thank goodness I didn't tell him about the onions. A few days later I recieve a text from my Dad (I will never get used to my 82 yr old Dad texting us. Never.) The text reads "Your brother couldn't plant his peas last month, due to snow, but the Italian guy next to the neighbor planted his peas."
The Italian guy? I assured him I would plant them very soon.
The other day, the weather was perfect, and I had run out of excuses. Time to plant the peas. And carrots, beets and onions. Right after dinner.
I hear a commotion out front, on my way to collect the kids for this bonding, amazing, miraculous experience, and see the next door neighbor out front, with a very nice young couple. I learned that the current neighbors had sold their home to this nice young couple with a 2 yr old son, and another on the way in June. Awww! How sweet! George will have a friend! I turn, and find George tormenting the poor new 2 yr old. OMG, how embarassing. I tell this nice young mother that my girls also are good in a pinch, if she needed a hand with toddler and baby. This came out of my mouth a milisecond before Kaila screamed, "GET OUT OF MY WAY, MAGGOT FACE!!!!" to one of her siblings. Seriously. I hoped this wasn't going to be a contender in the sale of this house. In general chitchat, I say we are headed out back, to plant peas. The old next door neighbor tells me there is a monster sized wood chuck out back. It lives right next to where I'm going to plant my peas. The old neighbor tells me they had to wrap wire fencing around thier garden last summer, because of the wood chuck. I laughed, remembering a hysterical phone call from her, begging me to get Jasin to shoot it.
"Dont worry, if you see a man with a gun out back, and hear gunshots, it's just Jasin!" Announces old neighbor, as new neighbor begins rubbing her pregnant belly (I'm sure it was a purely maternal thing, and not terror, trepadition or second thoughts AT ALL. I don't think for a MINUTE that she wondered if we weren't the reason for the old neighbors moving. Not even when I announced I had a dream about the old neighbor's husband putting barbed wire on the fence between our back yards. I probably wouldn't want to live next to us either.), and I go rescue her 2 yr old from George again. Well. That went well. C'mon kids, lets get these stupid peas planted.
45 minutes of digging through rocks, and attempting to plant peas, with my kids losing interest after 15 minutes, right next to the home of Monster Wood Chuck, all of us covered head to toe in mud and dirt, and the whole Earth Mother thing was wearing off. I began to think along the lines of germs. Maybe my kids SHOULD eat things from the store. Maybe they need to build an immunity to whatever is put in those foods. Maybe if they eat no chemically enhanced foods, they won't have an immunity, and, when they DO eat them, they will get sick. Was I doing a disserrvice? Oh, who knows anymore. It's not like I'm feeding my kids peas anyway. The monster under the shed next door would eat them all, and this was an exhusting waste of time. I should have just chucked them all at the old/new neighbor's shed and been done with it. Poor peas. They didn't have a chance. Maybe I would shoot the wood chuck. Then I wouldn't have to have my huge garden look ugly, all surrounded by chichen wire fencing. This entire thing was a bad idea.
At this point, we were filthy and tired, and, possibly a spectacle for the neighbors. The old neighbor's husband was probably dancing a jig someplace, at the thought of being rid of us, and our dog who barks at him. The kids remind me about carrots, beets and onions. Lord. Where the heck am I even going to plant them? We aren't even going to dig the garden till Memorial Day-ish.
The rest of the stuff still has not been planted. I haven't looked at the peas lately, but, they were still there last time I looked. My Dad said they like the cold, so I am sure the rain that turned into ice and then snow overnight was a treat for them. I will have amazing peas, right?
My friend, Sue, is excited about my thoughts on canning, and now I have a canning buddy. I don't have the heart to tell her those visions went away with the peas. Jasin is on board now, too. He ordered 2 tents. Between canning and tents and his hunting and fishing skills, we can absolutely live off the land and be survivalists if we have to. We can? All this over a garden and peas. I would say that somehow it came to our attention that our zonings laws allow chickens in the village, but, I should probably wait untill the closing papers on the house next door are signed. If Jasin could smuggle a milk cow into the back yard, he absolutely would.
Someday, my kids will laugh about these things during family get togethers during the holidays. Or, privately together, out of my earshot. I'm not sure if it will be with laughing tolerance of their crazy Mom, or, with concerns, and an outside professional, to discuss the private vs semi private status of my new housing in an institution.
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