Last evening, I came home from work, and remembered that I had forgotten to plan anything for dinner. The ever nutritious standby of pancakes was utilized, while I tried to ignore the sugar and empty carb content of this meal.
Opening the refrigerator, I saw that we were nearly out of syrup. (Fake syrup. Yes. We live in maple country, surrounded by maple farms, maple syrup, and live in the middle of the Maple Festival. I have fake syrup at my house.) Anyhow, thinking we had a new bottle of fake syrup kicking around, I stretched over the ever inconveniently placed husky, to reach a top shelf for fake syrup, and a large can of pears pretty much launched itself off another shelf and landed on my foot. To this minute, I cannot believe how painful that was. Normally my threshold for pain is pretty high. This rated up there with some of the worst pain of my life. Realizing thru a foggy haze, that all four of my children were watching me, I yelled "BAD WORDS BAD WORDS BAD WORDS BAD WORDS BAD WORDS!!!!!!" And attempted deep breathing. Kaila offered to continue the pancakes, and I sat down for a minute to collect my whimpering self, incredulous at the absolute pain that this had caused.
A few minutes later, I limped back into the kitchen, and thanked Kaila for making dinner. The conversation then went as such:
"I know you were thinking bad words, when you were saying "BAD WORDS!", Mom." comments George. "You MEANT "Eff something."
"Or G-- D--- something" agrees Kaila.
"Definitely the S H word. Several times" chimes in Joe
"Probably the H E double hockey stick word" adds Lexi
"And the Beaver Dam word, only, without the Beaver in it." nods George.
"You could have just said them. We would have understood." one of them threw in.
"You kids shouldn't even know what those words ARE." I pointed out darkly, with the realization that my children have the vocabulary of seaside dock workers.
"Dad." They all nodded, throwing him under the proverbial bus.
At this point, I received a call from a friend, who had called over the weekend with medical questions about his elderly mother. I had advised a trip to the ER. I inquired as to the health of his mother, and was told "Oh, I don't know. I talked to someone else, who said it was probably nothing."
"What? Who else did you talk to?"
"Cathy something or other. She is a friend of my brother's."
"And what does Cathy do?"
"She is a nurse."
"Where?"
"Well. I mean. Not a nurse nurse."
"What is 'not a nurse nurse' , exactly?"
"Well, she works in a nursing home doing something, so, she knows medical stuff. She's in that field and is around that kind of thing a lot."
"You are a truck driver, right?"
"What does that have to do with anything?! You know I am!"
"Next time I have questions about trucks, truck driving, road conditions, thruway conditions - anything - I am going to go find an AMISH PERSON AND ASK THEM!!!! Those buggies have 4 wheels! They are obviously knowledgeable about transportation. They even ride in vehicles, if they can find someone to drive them. Being around all that, I am sure they know stuff."
"Shut up."
"Bad Words."
Anyhow. My foot still hurts, I probably won't ask the Amish people for driving advice, and I am blessedly happy it's Friday! Have a good weekend!
Friday, February 26, 2016
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
I Have No Clean Glasses. No Drinks For You!
My cat is very sad. It is very tragic, really. I am not sure how it happened, but, George's aquarium full of fish were Flashlight (the kitty's) pets, it seems. She would sit and watch them for hours. She never tried to eat them, she just liked to watch them.
Sunday morning, Flashlight began running between all the bedrooms meowing and scratching at doors, all upset. She batted everyone's heads, and tried desperately to wake everyone up, making an unholy racket the entire time.
Sometime during the night, the entire aquarium went belly up and sunk to the bottom. Every single fish was dead. And the poor cat was beside herself. I am not sure if we are going to refill the aquarium for George's benefit, or the cat's, at this point. The poor cat is inconsolable.
George cried for a few minutes, when we finally found the will to break it to him. We all gathered around the toilet full of dead fish, while George said a few words over them. No one knows what he said though, because Bearded Man was scrubbing the aquarium out in the bathtub and the water was running too loudly for anyone to hear. All I know is that it seemed heartfelt. George then flushed the toilet and told us we could all go now.
Along with the aquarium full of dead fish, we were dealing with Joe's loose tooth. It was making him completely crazy. Because it was making Joe crazy, Joe was making the entire family crazy. He could not get it out. It took him days. Shortly after scrubbing out the aquarium, Bearded Man wrapped fishing line around the tooth and popped it right out, to the relief of the entire family.
"But, what if I lose the bag with the tooth in it before I go to bed tonight?" Wondered our ever optimistic Joe.
"Then I find it, stick it under my pillow and keep the dollar" piped up George.
During the past month, we celebrated Lexi's 12th Birthday. My little Bohemian! It seems like she was just born. I often muse that I should photograph her daily clothing choices. They are like no other. This morning, she wore to school: A pink t-shirt with black hearts on the front. A black and white patterned skirt that is longer in the back than in the front, bright blue leggings, neon green knee socks, and, silver ugg style boots covered completely in sequins. We never know what Lexi will wander down the stairs wearing. Sometimes the outfits get crazy enough to ship her right back up stairs to change again, but, normally, if that is what Lexi wants to wear, why argue the individuality? I suspect it irritates her teacher, though.
Also of note in our household, is Joe's first crush. A girl at school asked him if he would be her Valentine. She informed Joe that she liked him because he was not only very handsome, but very smart, too. Joe appreciated that a girl could appreciate his brains and not just his good looks, so, he agreed to think it over, telling her that this was a big decision and it would take him a few days.
When he weighed the pros and cons, Joe decided he liked the idea of being this girl's Valentine. He decided he should probably make sure his teeth were shiny, and requested that I go buy a rose, so he could give it to the girl in question with his affirmative answer. Lexi graciously provided one of her pink Birthday roses for the occasion, and Joe headed off to school to give it to her.
What Joe did NOT count on, was one of his friends. His friend reportedly liked the girl in question LAST year, and has decided he maybe likes her again THIS year. The other boy is outraged that Joe and the girl are an item. This was demonstrated with a dodge ball attack in gym, which had poor Joe diving in front of balls aimed at the girl in question. The other boy has taken to buying the girl in question ice cream at lunch now. Which has outraged Joe. Joe was off to school with his tooth fairy money today, to buy her ice cream before the other boy could again. 5th grade. All this drama in 5th grade. I don't have these issues with my daughters. Actually, Kaila is very put out that the boys in high school don't seem to have on ounce of the romance Joe somehow has.
Last evening I listened in slack jawed amazement to Joe's description of this girl's hair. He compared the color quite poetically to a sunset right after a storm. If he rattles off that description to that girl directly, I guarantee that the other (ice cream buying/dodge ball throwing) boy doesn't stand a chance.
Last evening we had visitors! During the long dark winter, visiting seems to fall off, as everyone is pretty much hauling kids to various things, or, huddled on their couches under blankets and scrolling through their phones. I was so happy to see people! After the obligatory "You can come in, but I am so sorry that the house is not 100%. There is no point in cleaning until Spring time" I had a happy house full of people and a nice visit. In the back of my mind though, I was panicking. These people were SOUTHERN people. With Southern accents, and "Y'alls" and "Yes Ma'ams" and everything! Southern people are the most hospitable people ever! My hostessing skills were terrible. Because, I knew I should probably at least offer them a drink. I couldn't though. Every single cup in the house had been used, and the evening dishes had not been done yet due to a Boy Scout meeting. I had no sweet tea (I think that's what Southern people drink, right?) and nothing fancier than animal crackers to serve. My refrigerator is currently full of fruits and vegetables.
Hanging on the living room wall were several paint chips, as I try to decide what color would work with the dining room, and I internally gave thanks that I had resisted the urge to put my nightgown on after dinner. I was so pitifully happy to see people that were not offspring or patients! We had the nicest visit, but, I wanted to haul one of my kids aside and beg them to whip up some iced tea and find some decent glasses in the worst way, the entire time.
Bearded Man's 40th Birthday is almost here! The conversations have gone as such:
"What do you want to do for your 40th?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want a party?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want to go out with friends?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want a date night?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want to do something special?"
"I don't know."
"What would you like for a present?"
"I don't know."
"I am going to choke you in about two minutes. What kind of cake do you want?"
"Funfetti. With sprinkles on top."
I ended up buying tickets to go see Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy the day after his birthday. I also managed to score reservations at a hard to get reservations at restaurant. He was happy about the tickets, but, after inspecting the menu at the restaurant, announced he was unable to pronounce most of the menu, and didn't seem enthused. So, that was scratched. Dinosaur BBQ it is!
Anyhow. That's the excitement in our household lately. Mostly we are worn out and wishing for nice weather, longer nights, clean dishes and a magic Home Decorating Paint Fairy to come to my house and find colors that I can live with that will somewhat match the dining room. I should just get rid of the dining room wall paper, but, I feel like that would destroy the feel of the entire house. Curse the wall paper sicko who decided to wall paper most of the house!!!!!! It's nice and all, but nothing I ever would have picked. Anyhow. That's about it for now.
Sunday morning, Flashlight began running between all the bedrooms meowing and scratching at doors, all upset. She batted everyone's heads, and tried desperately to wake everyone up, making an unholy racket the entire time.
Sometime during the night, the entire aquarium went belly up and sunk to the bottom. Every single fish was dead. And the poor cat was beside herself. I am not sure if we are going to refill the aquarium for George's benefit, or the cat's, at this point. The poor cat is inconsolable.
George cried for a few minutes, when we finally found the will to break it to him. We all gathered around the toilet full of dead fish, while George said a few words over them. No one knows what he said though, because Bearded Man was scrubbing the aquarium out in the bathtub and the water was running too loudly for anyone to hear. All I know is that it seemed heartfelt. George then flushed the toilet and told us we could all go now.
Along with the aquarium full of dead fish, we were dealing with Joe's loose tooth. It was making him completely crazy. Because it was making Joe crazy, Joe was making the entire family crazy. He could not get it out. It took him days. Shortly after scrubbing out the aquarium, Bearded Man wrapped fishing line around the tooth and popped it right out, to the relief of the entire family.
"But, what if I lose the bag with the tooth in it before I go to bed tonight?" Wondered our ever optimistic Joe.
"Then I find it, stick it under my pillow and keep the dollar" piped up George.
During the past month, we celebrated Lexi's 12th Birthday. My little Bohemian! It seems like she was just born. I often muse that I should photograph her daily clothing choices. They are like no other. This morning, she wore to school: A pink t-shirt with black hearts on the front. A black and white patterned skirt that is longer in the back than in the front, bright blue leggings, neon green knee socks, and, silver ugg style boots covered completely in sequins. We never know what Lexi will wander down the stairs wearing. Sometimes the outfits get crazy enough to ship her right back up stairs to change again, but, normally, if that is what Lexi wants to wear, why argue the individuality? I suspect it irritates her teacher, though.
Also of note in our household, is Joe's first crush. A girl at school asked him if he would be her Valentine. She informed Joe that she liked him because he was not only very handsome, but very smart, too. Joe appreciated that a girl could appreciate his brains and not just his good looks, so, he agreed to think it over, telling her that this was a big decision and it would take him a few days.
When he weighed the pros and cons, Joe decided he liked the idea of being this girl's Valentine. He decided he should probably make sure his teeth were shiny, and requested that I go buy a rose, so he could give it to the girl in question with his affirmative answer. Lexi graciously provided one of her pink Birthday roses for the occasion, and Joe headed off to school to give it to her.
What Joe did NOT count on, was one of his friends. His friend reportedly liked the girl in question LAST year, and has decided he maybe likes her again THIS year. The other boy is outraged that Joe and the girl are an item. This was demonstrated with a dodge ball attack in gym, which had poor Joe diving in front of balls aimed at the girl in question. The other boy has taken to buying the girl in question ice cream at lunch now. Which has outraged Joe. Joe was off to school with his tooth fairy money today, to buy her ice cream before the other boy could again. 5th grade. All this drama in 5th grade. I don't have these issues with my daughters. Actually, Kaila is very put out that the boys in high school don't seem to have on ounce of the romance Joe somehow has.
Last evening I listened in slack jawed amazement to Joe's description of this girl's hair. He compared the color quite poetically to a sunset right after a storm. If he rattles off that description to that girl directly, I guarantee that the other (ice cream buying/dodge ball throwing) boy doesn't stand a chance.
Last evening we had visitors! During the long dark winter, visiting seems to fall off, as everyone is pretty much hauling kids to various things, or, huddled on their couches under blankets and scrolling through their phones. I was so happy to see people! After the obligatory "You can come in, but I am so sorry that the house is not 100%. There is no point in cleaning until Spring time" I had a happy house full of people and a nice visit. In the back of my mind though, I was panicking. These people were SOUTHERN people. With Southern accents, and "Y'alls" and "Yes Ma'ams" and everything! Southern people are the most hospitable people ever! My hostessing skills were terrible. Because, I knew I should probably at least offer them a drink. I couldn't though. Every single cup in the house had been used, and the evening dishes had not been done yet due to a Boy Scout meeting. I had no sweet tea (I think that's what Southern people drink, right?) and nothing fancier than animal crackers to serve. My refrigerator is currently full of fruits and vegetables.
Hanging on the living room wall were several paint chips, as I try to decide what color would work with the dining room, and I internally gave thanks that I had resisted the urge to put my nightgown on after dinner. I was so pitifully happy to see people that were not offspring or patients! We had the nicest visit, but, I wanted to haul one of my kids aside and beg them to whip up some iced tea and find some decent glasses in the worst way, the entire time.
Bearded Man's 40th Birthday is almost here! The conversations have gone as such:
"What do you want to do for your 40th?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want a party?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want to go out with friends?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want a date night?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want to do something special?"
"I don't know."
"What would you like for a present?"
"I don't know."
"I am going to choke you in about two minutes. What kind of cake do you want?"
"Funfetti. With sprinkles on top."
I ended up buying tickets to go see Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy the day after his birthday. I also managed to score reservations at a hard to get reservations at restaurant. He was happy about the tickets, but, after inspecting the menu at the restaurant, announced he was unable to pronounce most of the menu, and didn't seem enthused. So, that was scratched. Dinosaur BBQ it is!
Anyhow. That's the excitement in our household lately. Mostly we are worn out and wishing for nice weather, longer nights, clean dishes and a magic Home Decorating Paint Fairy to come to my house and find colors that I can live with that will somewhat match the dining room. I should just get rid of the dining room wall paper, but, I feel like that would destroy the feel of the entire house. Curse the wall paper sicko who decided to wall paper most of the house!!!!!! It's nice and all, but nothing I ever would have picked. Anyhow. That's about it for now.
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