Yesterday I picked up my very first pair of bifocals. I attempt to write this with varying degrees of dizziness and distortion. Since I regularly preach to my patients that they need to give their bodies time to adjust to new things like this, in order for it to be successful, I feel I need to wear these glasses and practice what I preach. Thus far, all they've done is bring back the headache I have been battling for the last few weeks. Also, I feel like this pretty much means I'm on my way to being old now, and can confidently scream at kids to get off my lawn.
This is also being written on a very rare weekend off. I decided to take a few days off between both jobs, so I could get me house back in order. I cannot deal with a messy house, and, I haven't had time to get it into shape all summer. The kids do what they can occasionally, when I have a meltdown, but, it needs the "mom touch". I stumbled out of bed yesterday with grand plans to begin the overhaul of my home. The first thing I saw as I descended the stairs was the couch. Or, what used to be the couch. The couch I have literally only owned for 7 years. It's taken quite the beating over time. It's been bounced on by four children and eaten by the husky, and, now, the middle section is no more. George was sitting in it, his backside nearly touching the floor, while his legs dangled out of it awkwardly. "Kids." I sighed, mentally calculating the monthly payments and the extension of working a second job even longer, "We need to go shopping for furniture." So, loading them into the van, we headed off to find new living room furniture. Truthfully, it all needed to be replaced. New furniture was ordered and financed, while I mentally prayed the kids and dogs are all old enough not to bounce on, destroy or eat the new furniture, and it lasts longer than seven years this time around.
Anyhow. Today is the day the house will be cleaned. Just as soon as I am done putting it off by writing this blog. There's a lot of house to clean...
We need to talk about my addiction. Seriously. It began on Facebook. Normally, if someone is selling something, I ignore it and go on my way. I decline the invites for leggings, pearls, nail stickers, oils, jewelry parties, supplements, kids books - all of it. A friend began selling five dollar jewelry. But not obnoxiously. It was just pictures of jewelry, and, all one had to do was comment "sold" on any piece and it was yours! What's five dollars, right? Except, I don't wear jewelry. I own very little, I do not work any jobs conducive to wearing jewelry, and, if I am not at work, I am at home complaining about how tired I am. Also not conducive to wearing jewelry. I've hinted, begged and pleaded for jewelry from the Bearded Man over the years, but, I think my chances are pretty slim. He handed me a package of strawberry licorice for my birthday this year. I don't think anything sparkly is in my future.
I began to comment "sold" on everything. A bracelet hear. Necklace there. All the necklaces came with matching earrings too! Suddenly, I had piles and piles of sparkly bling. I put corkboards up in my bathroom to tack it all up as I bought it. I took a picture of this insanity and sent it to my older sister. "I don't wear jewelry, but I can't stop buying this!"
"Give it to your girls." she advised.
"NO! I am not giving it away!"
"Let them use it then."
"Absolutely not. It's my five dollar bling."
"You need to block your dealer."
It was a real problem. Every time those pictures sailed across my screen of five dollar sparkles I would probably never wear, I couldn't help but comment "sold!" on multiple pieces. While marveling that I could have used that money to buy a piece of quality jewelry at this point. Because I had bought all this stuff, I felt honor bound and obligated to wear it every time I left the house in anything other than scrubs. It's become something of a barrier. When visiting my mother, whose days with us are dwindling faster every time I see her, and fighting tears while talking to staff, or watching her - sometimes as she screams this is my fault, and other times when she just wants me to hold her hand. I find my fingers twisting bracelets, or absently running through necklace strands while trying to keep steady through it all. When dragging myself to obligatory events outside of home or work, while wishing desperately for an early bedtime, I find myself piling on this five dollar version of a child's safety blanket, and realizing I am reaching for whatever piece of jewelry I am wearing, while getting through the event.
Not that I am anti social - but nursing single day without a day off is stressful and exhausting. Putting aside the nurse title and going to see my mother, and switching caps from caregiver to family member is always a little odd for me. I find I am just not up to extra events and obligations right now. Thus, reaching for cheap sparkly bling to hide behind and play with while wishing for sleep.
Which brings us to a rare and wonderful 4 days off at home to get things done. We are on day two, by the way, and nothing has been done aside from picking up bifocals and ordering furniture.
Update on the kids! Kaila is getting ready to start her senior year next week! How did this happen already? Both of my girls met me at the small local mall the other day after work. Lexi had seen her dream homecoming dress, and begged to go get it before it was sold out. I ended up buying both girls their homecoming dresses while we were there, and was shocked when Lexi announced "Oh wow! You're buying my first and Kaila's last homecoming dress!" what??? I almost can't bear it.
I had the boys at my sister's salon recently for haircuts, and got a call from the middle/high principal asking permission to put Joe in advanced classes. I told her I would be upset if he wasn't - he hadn't been even remotely challenged in school last year. For him it was a necessary thing he needed to get through in order to get back to his quiet corner full of books or mine craft at home. On a side note - Joe and Lexi both have discovered Harry Potter this summer. I don't care if I never hear anything Harry Potter related for the rest of my life. It's pretty much all either one of them want to talk about anymore. Unless Joe suddenly starts analyzing information he's read up and watched regarding mars, or, discussing human cell and DNA mutation. You never know. With Joe, he's either playing Legos and laughing like a regular 13 year old, or, he's reciting combinations of the periodic table and what would happen if you mix them together.
I was never so proud of my kids - Joe in particular - than recently. A few weeks ago, Joe's best friend's mother died unexpectedly in a car accident. The entire incident was beyond tragic, and I just couldn't stop crying for this kid. How do you tell your own child about his friend's mother? Joe's first remark was "I need to call Seth." and, before I knew it, Seth was spending a lot of time at my house. On the day of his mother's wake/service, Seth appeared on our porch before it began, and, fighting tears asked if we could come to the funeral home now. "It doesn't even look like her." he said. So, gathering the kids, we went right over. We stayed for the entire wake. My kids have not had to deal too much with death, and have never seen a body at a wake. I wasn't sure how they would deal with this. Seth led us around, showing us pictures of his mother, and describing most of them. He then led us to see his mother. My boys were respectful and supportive the entire time. Joe never left his side, and George tagged along with them too. My kids crowded around Seth during the service, crying right along Seth, Joe with his arm around him, during the brief service after. Joe ended up spending the night with his friend, and I was beyond proud of the truly decent and incredible kids I have. I wasn't sure how they would deal with death, especially of a friend's mother, but, they definitely made me proud, seeing their kindness and support.
Seth has been spending most weekends with us since it happened, but, grinned and said he would probably skip this weekend, to get out of getting roped into cleaning... it was good to see him laugh.
Alrighty. I need to clean my house. I cannot deal with the mess any longer. There is husky hair everywhere. While we were on vacation recently, the kennel text me and offered a discount if we would let her groom the dogs - the husky in particular. She said the hair was taking over her kennel. Welcome to the world of huskies. The hair loss is unbelievable. It was actually taken into consideration while picking out the new furniture, as well as the rug I bought for the living room a few months ago. No matter how much anyone sweeps or vacuums - it's everywhere. I suspect the husky personality is the awesome way it is, to compensate for the ridiculous amount of hair they lose on a daily basis...
