When Mama Gets Sick

     This past week, I was so happy to have 4 days in a row off. My second job (STILL!) has not started yet, and, while this is making me a little anxious, I am a homebody at heart, and was completely content to stay at home, snowed in with a pile of books. My days off from the VA are usually the days that the house gets cleaned, laundry caught up, nice dinners made, and general orderliness is retored. Ususally.
     I am not sure if it was because of the night Jasin rolled over, with his arm under my neck, and I woke up to hearing it crack, or, if I caught a bug. But, NOTHING got done. Not one single solitary thing. I read lots of books, and could not understand why I just did not have it in me to get out of my chair. I just did not feel well. The neck thing happened, and I had a miserable migraine, and neck pain, and generaly could not function. And woke up to: "Mom! You really need to get the laundry done! This is piling up too much, and you need to start doing it." and responded with my nose in said child's face with a VERY quiet, "You wanna repeat that, kid?" "I'm just saying -" "Let me rephrase that. You DO NOT want to continue this conversation."
     What the heck? I ALWAYS clean on my days off. Yeah., Not happening. By Wednesday night, I was on the couch, and in no shape to even cook dinner. Not even peanut butter and jelly. And, that would have required cleaning the kitchen. Also not happening. So, a desperate call to a local pizza place, to see if they delivered, and if they took cards, was placed. They are precicely 1/10 of a mile from my driveway. Within half an hour, dinner was delivered, and dinner conversation was as such;
"WOW! Food delivered to your house? AMAZING!"
" This is not nutritional. It is unhealthy, and covers NONE of the food groups. I should not eat it."
"Choke it down, Lexi."
"So, we are learning about death at school. Some plague or something."
"Going to be death here. You should not eat food that is just magically delevered by strangers. And it't not even healthy."
"OMG, I need more Tylenol."
We all survived the pizza and wings, and I went back to the couch. Thursday I was okay, and figured it had been all due to the neck pain. I was supposed to have tea at my house, with my friend Sue, the next morning. I baked cranberry orange bread, lemon bars, and brownies. And still could not bring myslef to clean. WTH? What is the point of going through all this baking, if I haven't even cleaned. I thought it would probably have it's best chance of happening, approximately half an hour before Sue came over. And, if not, then she would be happy, because, aren't we all a little happy, when we walk into someone's home, and it does not look like the Better Homes and Garden's camera crew is on their way over? Try being me - my sisters have PERFECT homes. Mine - well - I try. It's not disgusting, but, it does look like 6 people a dog and a cat live there.
  
     Thursday night, I dreamt that some lady was calmly getting ready to harvest my organs. I was pretty calm about it, and asking all sorts of questions about it, and things were progressing smoothly. And, just as it was going to start, I woke up in the WORST head and neck pain EVER! I could not walk, everything was spinning, I couldn't catch my balance, I was completely ill, seeing double, and unable to do ANYTHING. I managed to make it back up the stairs after being ill, and woke Jasin up. "Jasin. Something is wrong. I am very sick, and cannot move. You need to get the kids up and ready for school. I dreamt about my own autopsy, and I am pretty sure it's a sign I am going to die."
     "K. I will get up with the kids, then I have errands to run. Want me to take George?" Yeah, well, it's probably for the best that speaking was beyond me. He took George. I did drag myself out of bed an hour before I had to get the kids from school. I was completely not sure of my ability to drive, but, it has been too cold for the kids to walk, this past week, with temps at -22, -19, and the like every night. I just threw on sloppy old clothes, and my hair up in a clip, and managed to function enough to go get my kids. Who fought all the way home about who does and does not get to sit in the front seat. Who was going to unbuckle George from the carseat, who was and wasn't going to do chores, "Speaking of chores, did you ever do the laundry, mom?" and screaming out the window at schoolmates, as if they haven't seen each other for at least 4 months. Back to the couch I went. After I cleared it off. By this point, the house was just awful, ,George was kind enough to scatter legos EVERYWHERE, so walking was a hazard, he received a bike last week for his birthday, and has been riding it all over the house. There are skid marks everywhere, the dog has shed at least 4 more dogs worth of hair, I had no idea what the kitchen counters looked like, the bathroom is George's new fun place to play. So, it also, is in rough shape. And I was unable to move without almost falling over. I hear fun things like;
     "Can you sign this?"
     "What is it?"
     "A permission slip for my solo at Solo Fest."
     " When and where?"
     " Tomorrow, in Alleganey."
     " I am hearing this NOW??"

     My cell phone rings. It is the house cell phone. I count my children, and see only three of them.
     "George? Why are you calling me, and where are you?"
     " Yeah. it's me. I am hiding."
     "Why are  you hiding, George."
     "I spilled my juice in the kitchen. Out of my cup. And I filled it up again. And spilled all the juice. You need to go clean it up, and buy more juice. And, I need a bath."


     "MOM! George almost bit me!"
     "Almost?"
     " He looked llike he wanted to."
    
     "So.... do you think maybe you will do the laundry SOON?"
  
     " Can I just make my own dinner tonight, so I can at least have something healthy ONCE this week?"

     " Mom! George and I cleaned our room! We brought you more laundry!! Like, 3 more loads!"

     "George is standing on the kitchen counter, going through the cupboards, Mom."

     " George kicked me."
  
     "George tore my shirt off!"

     "George just ate ALL the brownies!"

     "George threw my Legos all over the whole house!! I TOLD him 'No!' BEAT him!"

     "That's it. You don't love me, I cannot even get a decent meal in this house, or watch what I want on TV! I am going to my room, and giving up being an artist FOREVER!!!!"

     "I want my own room."

     "George just kicked the window with both feet. He's trying to break it."

     "George is climbing the shelf in the kitchen, and trying to get snacks! MOM! DO something about him!"

     "So, maybe if you do just ONE load of laundry...?"

     "Sorry you're so sick, Mom. You should stay home from work tommorow, and get some more rest."

     " God, no."

     "This morning, I am happy to report, that, after one long look around the house, and the recollection that Kaila never did find her concert clothes, which have probably been eaten by whatever monster lives in the disgrace of their bedroom, I decided I was well enough to go to work. Hopefully I am back to 100% by my next day off....

Generalized Craziness

     I keep hearing other parents who say they can identify with the 'Keeping it real" stories I tell. I am so glad everyone else lives in barely controlled madness, as well. I am comforted to know that, at some point, in other parent's lives, they walk through their front door, to find at least one guilty child hiding, and another visably shaking, as she yells out the front door, "I can explain everything, Mom!" after I recently pulled into the drieveway after a 12 hour shift. But, I digress. I suppose, to appreciate this story, I need to go back a few months, to one of the occasional attempts at being one of those perfect people who think of their families, and not convenience, and attempt to try unprocessed foods, and unchemicaled cleaning products. It doesn't happen often, and it's usually out of my system after a short period of time.
     A few months ago, my good friend, Sue, and I, after months of talking about it, decided to get together in my kitchen, and make large quantities of home made laundry soap. We were SO excited. This was only the beginning! We would buy our meat fresh! In large quantities! And, go to the Farmer's Market for fruits and veggies! And make our own EVERYTHING. We could DO this! We even decided to make home made fabric softner, while we were at it. Both our youngest children were playing together, my George, her Jimmy. Sue excitedly bought two big blue totes, to store out soap in, and we saved milk jugs, to be designated for soap use. We could just refil out jugs when empty.
     We spent an entire morning at my stove and sink, making mass quantities of laundry soap and fabric softener. I had even ordered orange scented oil, to make it smell nice. As we were wrapping it all up, our awesome toddlers began pouring water in our totes of soap. After some serious questioning, it was discovered it had come from the toilet. This whole earth mother thing was looking decidedly no longer fun. We had to start all over again. 20 more gallons of soap. Okay. We got this.

     Fast foreward to last week, and I am met at the door with two little girls, and a nervous looking babysitter. "I can explain, Mom!" I was SO not in the mood for whatever was coming. I had a massive headache, and just wanted to go to bed.
     "What."
     " Well, Lexi was trying to do the laundry, and she stood on top of the laundry soap tote, to turn on the drier, and it tipped over."
     "Oh my God. ALL of it?"
     " Yes. But, we cleaned it. But we couldn't move the washer and drier." 
At this point the sitter chimed in, "Yes, it took almost 3 hours, to clean it, too. We worked really hard, and, so, the chores didn't get done..." I gazed around the living room. There was an empty yogurt container on the floor, with the licked off lid nearby. I closed my eyes, figureing it would only be worse, if I kept looking.
     "So, I called Mrs. Mc Cauley", conitnues Kaila, as Lexi remains hidden, I am sure Sue is STILL laughing over this, "And, she said that I should use two towels and a mop and bucket. Mom, I am so sorry, but, we used three towels...."
"Just. Go. To. Bed. Now." I say to the girls.  "Just. Get. Into. The. Truck. Now." I say to the poor sitter. I drove her home, and apologised for snapping at her. They really did do a good job, cleaning the laundry room. And, truthfully? I really missed my Gain laundry soap.

Monday night, I came home to a missing oven knob, and a lightbulb in the middle of the kitchen floor. When I inquired, the stories of the knob coming off were varied, but, it was on top of the mocrowave. And the lightbulb just happened to be what George played with the previous evening. I truly do not want the details of that, I suppose.
I actually feel the current sitter is trying her absolute best. She is sweet and helpful, and loves my kids, and plays with them, and does her best. I did, however recently lecture my kids, because I think they are playing her like a song. They seem to forget what their chores are, whose turn it is to do dishes, and conive as many extras as possible out of her. She seems to like it, though, and keeps coming back, so, they must not be too hard on her. If I cannot believe the things they say to me, I can only imagine what they say to her.... some of the stuff I heard this week:

"Can I have more cookies, mom?"
"No George."
"I'm Santa. Give me more cookies."

"Joe!! WHAT are you doing?"
"My slap my sister dance."

"Mom! Feel my head. It has a fever. No, not THERE! HERE!"
(Back of head) "George, you do not have a fever on the back of your head. It isn't even 6 AM, go back to bed."
"NO! My hair right there hurts. Aunt Bri cut it (Christmas Eve), and she hurt it, and gave it a fever! Call her RIGHT. NOW, and yell at her and make her cry!"

Anyhow. This is a taste of life in our household. George turns three tomorrow. I need to figure out his demand for three birthday cakes, with my work schedule. More on that later!

Can I Tell You a Story?

Recently, I met a man, who said, "Can I tell you a story?" "Sure! I like a good story. Talk to me." and he began;

     "In the 60's, I was at a bar, with some friends. We were having a good time, but, I kept hearing the most wonderful laugh. I finally figured out it was coming from this girl, across the room. Her back was to me, and I couldn't see her face. Her friends caught me staring, and told her. She turned around, and looked at me. Then turned back. A moment later, she turned toward me again, and I went to her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Her name, was Grace. We talked for hours, as if we had been best friends forever. I didn't want the night to ever end.
     Finally, it was time for her to leave. I asked her, how she was getting home, and she told me she was going to walk. So, I said, with her permission, I would walk her home. And she agreed. Once we arrived at her doorstep, I inquired if I could call her. She didn't have anything to write with, so, she wrote her number on my left arm, in lipstick. I walked home, in heaven.
     After that night, we were inseparable. We could hardly bear to be parted. We were together constantly, for a year and a half. Then, Vietnam happened. I signed up for the Navy, and realized, I had no idea if, or when I would be back. So, deciding it was the fair thing to do, I broke things off with her, before I left. I never told her why; I just didn't want her to feel obligated to wait around for me. And, with heavy heart, I left for the war.
     "How long were you gone?" I asked as gently as possible.
     " I was gone 2 years. I came back in August. And, found she had been married in July. I moped around for awhile, but, eventually got married. It just wasn't the same as my Grace, though.
     Shortly after I was married, her husband died, of an aneurysm. She remarried, right after I divorced my first wife. We just couldn't get the timing right. I remarried as well eventually, but, not a day went by, that I didn't think of her.
     I saw her once, as I was driving. She was standing on a sidewalk corner, waiting for the light to change, so she could cross. I stopped my car, stepped out, and went to her. We were both married, and I wouldn't do anything to hurt either marriage, but, I hugged her, and told her how much I still cared, and how much I missed her still. We both cried a little, and, I didn't see her after that. I heard that she had 3 kids, and that, shortly after her third baby, she had a massive stroke. I heard several years later, that she eventually had a heart attack, and passed away.... give me a moment, please?"

     "It's okay. Take your time." I encouraged.

     "Whew. So, Time went on. I eventually divorced my wife, on good terms. We remained friends, had two children together. It just wasn't right for us.
     In time, my elderly mother moved into my home, and I took care of her there. It was very difficult for me to leave, unless I had an appointment at the Doctors', and then, my sister would sometimes come and sit with her, so I could leave for a few hours.
     After some time, I received a letter in the mail. I did not recognize the name or address, but, I knew it was close to my Doctor's. The letter read, that the sender had some pictures of myself, and my brother and sister, and my mother. If I would like them, I could contact her sometime, and she would give them to me. I truly did not know who it could be. So, the next time I had an appointment, I found the address, and knocked on the door.
     A woman answered the door, but, I couldn't see her, as she was back-lit. I introduced myself, and told her about the letter I had received. She answered that, yes, that was correct, and that she would go retrieve the photos immediately. So, I stood at the door, and waited. Shortly, she came back to the door, and opened it. And I almost collapsed. It was HER! My Grace! Standing right there in front of me. And, we both just started to sob, and hold on to each other! I couldn't let her go! I cried that I was told she had died, and she looked at me, with tears streaming down her still beautiful face, and begged to know why I had dumped her all those years ago. And, I told her. And felt terrible, for making her hurt, by not telling her why all those years ago. She had never gotten over the broken heart. And we had never stopped loving each other.
     My mother passed away shortly after that, and I found myself spending every spare moment with her. At first, staying very late, until she told me I may as well spend the night. After that, she said, I should just move in. I told her I would have to think about it. Then said abruptly, that I had to leave. She was crestfallen. "Why? Did I do something, or offend you by asking?" She was almost in tears. I told her, no, I had to go get my things.
     I went home, and packed my clothes, and a few sentimental things, and told my children they could have whatever else was in the house, and then I sold it. We haven't been apart since. We spend most every day in contact, holding hands, touching, holding each other. It has been the most wonderful two years of my life.
     "How beautiful!" I sniffed mistily.

     "However. I was not wrong, when I heard she had a heart attack all those years ago. She had a few. And, she is on her seventh pace maker now. I go with her, to her doctor visits. I don't think she understands, when they tell her, she is not physically able to get another pace maker. And that the current one will only last another two to three years. She just does not get that. So, I will only have my sweet Grace for a few more years. And we spend every moment together, grateful we finally have our chance. I have my own health problems, and probably have about the same time-line. I hope so. I couldn't survive losing her again. She is my everything.
     She gets along beautifully with my second wife. As a matter of fact, is with her now, as my ex wife has just gotten a pacer of her own. They have become good friends. My children like her, her children like me. It has been perfect. She is perfect. I love her so much, and hate spending any time at all apart from her.

     That is my story. I love to tell it. And now, I need to go home to her."

There really is no reply, or comment I could possibly make, to top a real life Nicolas Sparks story.

Adventures! The sequel

Hi Everyone!

     People keep telling me I need to write more. Evidently Facebook is not enough for some. Although, I wonder if it's George, and not myself, that has this writing craze occurring.... I did attempt to update my Blog from forever ago, but, was just not able to get in to it. Which speaks volumes about my technical skill level.

     So, where have I been, since last I did a Blog? If you're on Facebook, you probably have a general idea. Since Nursing school graduation, and the Birth of The George, in 2010, life manages to stay very busy these days. Some days, I envy stay at home Moms. Others, I feel sorry for them. Depends on my sleep level and the children's ability to get along on any given day.
     Currently, I am working at the VA hospital in Buffalo. Not quite, but just about, 60 miles from home. On nice days, the drive is no problem. Relaxing, even. Unless the whole sleep thing is deficient again. But, we live in WNY, home of the "Snow Belt". 'nuff said. I am sure the 4x4 on my vehicle will be fixed sometime in April. Till then, we manage okay on the snow. Wont be too sad to see Spring, however. Within the next few days, I will be starting job #2, doing wound care in patent's homes. It sounds like it's going to be something I really like; wound care is endlessly fascinating to me. I must talk about it a little too much at home, however, as I was stopped by Kaila at dinner the other day, with, "Ummm, Mom, if it's going to be gross or disgusting, please just stop now." With Lexi nodding enthusiastic agreement next to her. Hopefully one of my progeny will be medical minded someday. Until then, no talk about work at the dinner table.
Work, as guilt inducing as it is, due to not seeing my children for days at a time, continues to be something I love (almost) every minute of. I am lucky enough to work with some pretty amazing people, and have learned SO much, since becoming a nurse! Someday, I may continue on in school, but for now, I am loving what I do now! I usually work on the Surgical Floor, with the occasional float to one of the other floors. I have, (in my relatively short) nursing career, met all sorts of people, and heard all sorts of stories. I've gotten to almost travel the world, listening to people describe their military travels. I have met a WWII Concentration Camp Survivor, A Vietnam Pilot, Navy people who have swam and dived all over the world, for military and for fun, I've gotten to hear stories of survival, of heartache, happy endings, sad endings, and met people who have surpassed and overcome some of the hardest things life has thrown at them. Both in Co-workers and in patients. I have seen people adapt to loss of limb, met a chef to the stars, and put discharged patients into buses, Lexus SUV's, and claptrap cars. I've been honored to hold the hands of weeping patients and relatives, and not cracked a smile, when an grouchy elderly man informed me on top of his lungs that he had had everything possible done to him over the years. Hernias repaired, and ovaries removed, Dammit! It's been the most amazing experience ever! Some days, I still cannot believe I am part of it!
     I have also found, that, being a nurse has led to treating my sick/hurt children differently. Sometimes, it's a quick fix, others, I lie in bed and think of all the terrible things that could happen with an untreated sinus infection. Sometimes, being a nurse to one's own family, at least for me, is really hard. "Should I take them to the Dr? Or is it just one of those things that should pass in a few days? What if it isn't? What if it is? Shouldn't I KNOW???" Thank God I have relatively healthy kids. It could be a disaster, otherwise.

     This past year, outside of Nursing, believe it or not, I have spent some time at Home. Over last Summer, we delt with an insane neighbor. It climaxed with her sitting on her porch, directly facing my house, from sun up, till sun down. This was AFTER she stopped sunbathing nearly nude, right next to our driveway, when Jasin was outside. At which I laughed outright. Finally, we put a lattice up over that side of the porch. In the meantime, the neighbor took his psycho girlfriend and her dreadful children camping. And then left her there. Told her not to come back, and to find another place to live. YAY! I was hoping she would find someplace VERY far away, but, it was only 2 blocks. Which is awesome, because now she isn't next door. Or walking thru my house, to make cleaning inspections.Or looking thru my mail. Or checkbook. Or the kids' report cards. I see the neighbor has a new girl friend. She has a minivan, which indicates possible children. Let's hope she is pleasant, and her children are, too. As in; they DON'T break anymore of my kids' bones, or steal their toys....

     The kids are all still the absolute best things in my life. The guilt of being away from them so much, and now with a second job starting, is absolutely killing me. I will really miss my morning snuggle time with George, all curled up in my recliner. Dozing thru Disney Channel atrocities such as "Jake and the Never Land Pirates" " Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" and, God help us, "Choo Choo Soul, With Genavive!" The best way ever to calm my crazy toddler down, is to rock with him in that chair. Rocking has always been his Kryptonite. Nothing angers or enrages him more, than seeing anyone besides myself and himself in that chair. As evidenced by the recent pre-dawn announcement that Joe was sitting in my chair, and I needed to get up and beat Joe, and make him cry. It is the only place he has the slightest possibility of taking a nap these days. Unfortunately, out of all the kids, he is the one that keeps us on our toes the most, and sleeps the least. I wouldn't change a thing about my headstrong kid. He is so smart, whether because he's naturally so, or because he is picking so much up from the older siblings, I do not know, but, out of all the kids, he is the one that has figured out every lock, knob, deterrent, how to argue effectively, and make points, and generally seems mentally years ahead of where he should be. He is probably half the reason for the grey hairs sprouting up lately. (Which show up nicely in hospital florescent lighting....) The girls spoil him shamelessly, and he torments poor Joe mercilessly.
     Poor poor Joe. Completely content to be on his own, doing his own thing, lost in his own world. He is now a Cub Scout, and his Cub Scout book is never far from him. He is my science kid. Nothing is grey - it's either black, or white. And he has no tolerance for anything that is not exactly as it should be, in his mind. And, he can argue whatever he argues about EXHAUSTIVELY. It can last for days. It could be a tornado question, or, the fact that he wants a cookie. It literally can last days. He is my kid that reads science books under a nightlight. He received several books for Christmas. There was an age appropriate "Big Nate" book in the mix, but, he was intent on "Insects" and "Weird but True Facts". A fall trip to the Niagara Falls was spent with me on Google the entire time, trying to keep up with his questions. Who knew, I was such a moron? Because I did not know how long the Niagara River is. Or how big the boulders at the bottom of the falls are. Or how deep the water at the bottom of the falls is, or if you can fish there, (why/why not?) I also did not know the deepest and shallowest parts of the Mississippi river, either. I am constantly on Pinterest, pinning science stuff for the child. He wants his own lab in the house. I was matter of factly informed that there will probably be explosions. They tend to happen in science labs. And, if I could make a secret entrance/exit, that would be great. And, he would attempt to find a cure for George. Lord help us, if he ever decides to be an Evil Scientist.
     Lexi is Lexi. My artistic kid. She can dance like nobodies business, has the most amazing artistic talent - she loves to draw, paint, color, cut, paste; she makes some pretty amazing things! Her artistic talent constantly amazes me. And, as most artistic people, she has a flair for drama. Whether is be he sense of humor, and having us in stitches, or dramatic tears, because of some little thing that sets her off. She can ad lib with the best of them, and her timing is usually perfect. She has the perfect sprinkle of freckles, and beautiful grey eyes, and has the potential to really grow up to be a firecracker. She is a slightly tamer version of George. She shares a bunk bed with Kaila, Lexi being on the bottom. She draped blankets all around it, and recently I was invited in. OMG. I could not believe how amazing the inside of her magic little space was! She had drawn her own posters, and hung them on the walls, taken a fir tree branch, and decorated it for Christmas, strung lights around the interior, and all sorts of nifty little things all over. It was like being transported into a fairy land, it was that amazing inside. Funny enough, it is not Lexi who envies her big sister, but Kaila who envy's her little sister.
     Kaila. My pre teen. So far, for the most part, she is a calm, mature, sweet natured girl. Except when she isn't. She is my go-to kid for walking to Cub Scout meetings and walking Joe home, she tutors at school, can be counted on for watching the younger kids for a few minutes, if something comes up. She is Honor Roll, and loves to lounge on the love seat in the living room with her dog, and read. And, not unlike her mother, becomes a monster when interrupted. She is such a good kid. Her grade as a whole, has been one of the worst in Franklinville. Every year since first grade, I have heard from Kaila and teachers alike, that some pretty rough kids are in that grade. Kaila has come home more than once, in tears, and begging to be home schooled. The ratio of good vs bad kids is not encouraging. It worries me that eventually, she could "cross over" to the bad crowd. But, so far, she does her own thing, seems to have very strong moral values, and stands up for herself, and kids that cant. She gets upset, that she isn't part of any of the "popular" groups, but, I just keep telling her those groups will be nothing, in the grand scheme of life. I suspect high school is going to be miserable for her, but, I also tell her, everywhere she goes in life, there are always going to be "those" people. may as well learn to deal with them now, and adapt and overcome. I just hope she keeps that ethereal sweetness that she has, forever. Her 5th grade teacher couldn't quite describe Kaila and the quiet, special something about her. She is pretty and smart and an all around good kid. Who has always and forever destroyed Carrie Underwood for me. Santa was kind enough to even bring her a Carrie Underwood CD this year. Which is continuously played and sung to. A lot. And, if that's the worst thing I can say about her, then, things are okay :-)

     Now that things are caught up here, hopefully next time around this will be a cute, humorous Blog, (no pressure, right?) I cannot promise pictures at this time, because my laptops are BOTH here in body, but have gone to the big mother board in the sky, in spirit. So, until I find getting a computer a priority, if you want pictures, you're going to have to stalk my Facebook :-)  And, hopefully, I can fix this Blog up to look pretty, in the near future, as well.